


What Ifs

by DRAQIIN (tuomniia)



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe- Band, Angst, Catra is in a band guys, Complete, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, NB!Catra, Shared Trauma, Slow Burn, country girl! Adora, entrapta gets a goat and names it emily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 76,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24619279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuomniia/pseuds/DRAQIIN
Summary: "What if I was made for you and you were made for me?What if this is it, what if it's meant to be"?After a shared childhood tragedy, Adora had to move away. They promised they'd always be friends, but kids have no control of their environments, and it's hard to stay in contact.Catra still holds a lot of resentment over it. She really thought Adora would come back. Guess she lied. Whatever, once her name is up in lights, she won't care about any of that anymore.Adora thinks about Catra almost every day, she wishes she had been able to reach out to Catra after everything, but her circumstances hadn't allowed her to. Eventually, she thought Catra must have forgotten about her. Adora still keeps a piece of Catra with her though, she can't seem to get rid of it.They're both grown up now, struggling to figure out who they are and what they want from life. All they have of each other  are memories.For now.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 277
Kudos: 566





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I don't write often. But when I do, it's about the gays and the pining and the angst. :) 
> 
> I don't claim to be an expert on anything, especially music. I am a simple man, I hear a song, I like it, I slap that bad boy into my library and think about it until I'm sick of it. 
> 
> Hopefully you enjoy! 
> 
> BIG shout out to Bienie, who has listened to me babble about this AU nonstop.And will probably continue listening to me babble about it. Love you bro.

* * *

_"Spare me your judgments and spare me your dreams_   
_Cause recently mine have been tearing my seams”_

* * *

  
“I’ll always be your friend!” Giggled Adora, her grin spread wide across her face and revealing her missing front teeth. That had been Catra’s doing, but in her own defence, they’d already been loose. And Adora had started the fight. Mostly.   
  
“You promise?” Catra sniffled, rubbing stinging tears out of her eyes. 

She gasped in quiet surprise as Adora threw her arms around Catra, accidentally rubbing one of the healing burns on Catra’s arm and drawing more tears, this time of pain. Catra didn’t pull away though, and instead squeezed back. 

“I promise. “ Adora assured, pulling away and resuming her usual soft and happy smile.

Her eyebrow _was_ growing back, although slowly. It looked funny, like one of their friend Rogelio’s drawings. He always seemed to manage making them all look more like lizards than people. A fact that hadn’t escaped either of them, and was the subject of many jokes. 

Neither of them had escaped burns or scratches. Catra’s entire left side was one big glowing burn. Her right arm and leg hadn’t escaped the roiling heat either. She had lines of burns up and down her side. If they didn’t hurt so much, Catra might even like them. They looked a little like tiger stripes.   
  
Adora too, had been scathed. Her right leg had gotten trapped under the burnt and fiery remains of a bookshelf as they had crawled through the smoke, crying and calling out for their moms and dads. By some miracle, the wood had been decayed enough by the embers that Catra could shove it off her. Which is how her side had gotten so burned. Ironically, Adora had been pinned shoving Catra out of the way of the crumbling rubble. Always trying to be the hero, Adora always paid the price for it.   
  
Catra smiled as she was pulled back to her feet by Adora, who favoured her right leg, understandably. It was also wrapped in a protective layer of gauze, a reminder of what had happened to them only days before.   
The two of them had gone through a lot in the past few days. Had lost even more. Catra was lost, and she knew that Adora was too. Neither of them had been able to sleep alone since the accident that had claimed both of their parents lives. Leaving both of them orphans.   
  
Adora tugged Catra out of the corner, where she had taken shelter after waking up sobbing from her nightmares. The soft touch of Adora’s hand had made Catra’s heart settle, just a bit. Just enough to pull her thoughts out of the thick rolling smoke and confusion. She followed the now slightly taller girl back to their cot in the Children’s Services bedroom, where Catra curled up into a tight ball on the edge of the twin mattress. There had been a time when Catra was the tallest of their duo. 

Still shivering from pain and fear; Adora crawled over top of her clumsily and tucked herself up against Catra’s back, their legs tangling together and Adora’s little hands resting against the back of Catra’s shoulders. Adora, she noticed, was shivering too. Adora was always doing things like that, hiding her own feelings for others. Even as kids. Catra turned her head a little, and caught Adora sniffling into the back of Catra’s shirt.   
  
“I’ll always be your friend, too.” Catra whispered, her voice carrying through the dark and interrupting Adora’s sniffling.   
  
Adora didn’t say anything, but she gripped Catra’s shirt a little tighter, and pushed her forehead between Catra’s shoulder blades. Gradually, their shivering stopped and they both drifted off to sleep. Comforted by each other's presence, and by their promises.   
  
_They would always be friends_ , Catra thought to herself as her final coherent thought before being drawn into the dreamless void of sleep.   
  
But they wouldn’t be.   
  
  
  


  
  
Catra was wrenched uncomfortably out of her sleep by the blaring of her alarm, each mechanical sounding meow grating further into her headache.   
  
“Jesus, fuck--” She cursed, twisting uncomfortably around in her mountain of blankets and pillows to try and turn the wretched thing off. “ _ENTRAPTA_!”   
  
The purple haired, eccentric sound designer had definitely been messing with Catra’s phone again. It was a weekly occurrence, and usually it was some sort of upgrade. But occasionally, _occasionally_ ; Scorpia, their mutual friend and fellow band member slash roommate, could convince Entrapta to do something they both deemed funny and-or cute. Like changing her music-of-her-choosing morning alarm to something akin to a sick, demonic cat with a speaker jammed down its throat. 

Catra finally managed to find the stop button on her cracked phone screen. Slumping back into the warmed blankets and dragging her hand down her face, frustrated and exhausted. They’d had a late show last night, and then Ms. Weaver, the wicked witch of the west of a woman who carried out all of her schedule planning and whatever-the-fuck else she did; had decided it was time to come in and record the latest song that the group had decided on. Some shitty song that Catra didn’t truly care about, of course. It almost always was.   
  
And so, Scorpia, Entrapta, and herself had dragged their sorry asses back into their apartment building at almost four in the morning. Starting their week off with a bang, as usual. 

Catra’s headache only got worse as she remembered what her dream had been about. Her and Adora’s final night together.   
  
_Fuck, that’s the third time this week_ . Catra groaned to herself.   
  
Her dreams from that horrible stain of a week from her past always got worse around the anniversary of it all. Catra didn’t even know what month it was most of the time, but her subconscious clearly knew. It was like fucking clock work.   
  
The memory of her former best friend stung, but it was nowhere near as painful as it had been right after Adora had left. Sure, maybe now Catra understood that it was _possible_ Adora had no real control about _leaving ,_ but she sure as hell had the ability to make an effort to reach out once she had gotten wherever she was going to in such a hurry.   
  
Catra found herself sitting up, her nails digging into her arms. When had that happened? She grunted as she dropped her arms. Glancing at the intricate tattoo that ran from her wrist, up her arm, and over her shoulder. Covering most of the scar from the fire of her childhood. She’d gotten it mostly because she was sick and tired of strangers asking about it. Especially because she was forced to interact with so many of them. Couldn’t people just leave well enough alone? Now the scars were intricately woven plants and animal skulls. Mostly cats, but some birds too.   
  
“Oh, gosh. Sorry Catra.” Scorpia beamed as she walked into her room. She sure as fuck didn’t _look_ sorry. “But I have something that might cheer you up!”   
  
Catra almost growled as she tugged her pillow over her head. “What do you want, Scorpia?”   
  
“Oh, oh. Well. You see, Entrapta and I were just binging some tv shows, you know. Haven’t had much time for that lately. Did you know Queer Eye has a new season? I Didn’t! Oh man, I cried so many times--”   
  
“SCORPIA! What. Do. You. WANT?” Catra snapped angrily, removing the pillow from her head, where it did very little to muffle Scorpia’s cheery voice. How was someone so cheerful this early in the morning? After such a late night? Where she apparently neglected to sleep at all?   
  
“Oh,yeah! Sorry, Catra. Anyways. Entrapta was checkin' out the latest gossip on the web, ya know. And she found this place-” Scorpia paused to wave her arms around excitedly, before returning them to her pleading puppy dog position moments later. Catra sighed. Here it comes. “Well we just thought it would be fun to hang out on the town together, like old times! “   
  
“And where might this place ‘ on the town’ be?” Catra drawled, regretfully dragging herself out of her bed. There would be no more sleeping today.   
  
“Oh it’s uh. Shoot. What was it called…” Scorpia trailed off, lost in thought.   
  
Entrapta conveniently popped up right then, with her annoying nasally voice and all three hundred of it’s annoyingly high pitches to fill in Scorpia’s blanks.   
  
“Oh! It’s called Mystacor Bar and Grill. But it has a karaoke night!” She chirped, bouncing excitedly at Scorpia’s side.   
  
“.. Karaoke? You seriously want to go sing at a lame karaoke night?” Catra grumbled, tugging on “We’re in a band. Why would you want to do that? And why can’t we just do it here, in Dryl?”   
  
“For fun!” “For science!” The two chimed at the same time,both wearing excited pleading grins. As annoying as the two of them had been that morning, Catra couldn’t ignore the hope and excitement in their eyes.   
  
“We wanted to get out of Dryl for a bit,” Scorpia explained. “It’ll be good for us!”   
  
Even if it may mostly be sleep deprivation talking, Catra groaned and leaned forward to tug on some pants. “Fine, whatever. But if it’s as lame as I think it’s going to be, and it probably will be, I’m out. And Scorpia, you’re paying for the cab ride home.”   
  
“Deal!” Scorpia agreed excitedly, doing a little dance that looked just a little like a drunk crab, she darted out of Catra’s room. Entrapa bounced and started muttering to herself on how she’d get the chance to check out their lighting systems, and perform some observations on the people there as they got up and sang overplayed pop songs.   
  
Catra grunted her distaste and made her way out of her cluttered room to go shower. She was going to need to scrub the smell of the cramped and too hot recording studio off of her skin. And she was going to need coffee, and lots of it , if she was going to make it through the rest of the day.   
  
Despite her initial annoyance though, Catra found herself glad that she had at least a few days away from having to sing songs she hated, backed by two well meaning but ultimately just as dispassionate band mates. The problem was that even though they all enjoyed being together as a band, they certainly all hated the shitty times they had to go and _be_ a band. Things would be better once they made it though. Catra knew they had the skill, the talent, and the drive. Thinking of seeing their name, The Horde, up in lights at some big stadium in the big city. A crowd cheering their name, her name. Screaming along to the music as the bass rumbled through the ground and into her bones; the thought put her in a better mood. They already had a steady following. All they needed was one last big break. Just one more person in power to hear them perform and like it. 

They’d been working hard. So hard in fact, that Catra realized she may not have eaten more than once in the past two days. A fact that struck her just before the painful twist of her gut did. 

As Catra stepped out of her tiny shower to reach for her towel, and onto the bathmat; she caught a glimpse of herself in the foggy mirror. 

Her frame, while taughtly muscled from lugging all their musical equipment around, was staggeringly thin. Her hip bones jutted out, just a little. And if Catra squinted, she could definitely count her ribs. Her eyes drifted up just a little farther towards her face. Past her jutting collarbones.

Yeah, she definitely had to remember to eat more often.

Her gaze settled on the sharp angles of her face, her bangs hanging haphazardly in her hetero-chromatic eyes. One a common blue, the other a rather yellowish looking brown. Ugly colours. 

She looked tired, bags under her eyes saying all that needed to be said about that. 

Her attention drifted back down from her disorienting set of eyes to her chest. Where the only remaining evidence of the curse that had been breasts were the two thin scars. They’d faded to almost nothing in the past few years. She didn’t much mind being a woman in every other aspect, but those things had to go. And what would you know, all her discomfort was gone and her favourite clothes fit better now. Fuck what anyone thought about that. 

Catra sniffed indignantly at the memory of some unsavory comments from Ms. Weaver about it, and towelled herself off. Ms. Weaver had also commented on the short hair, when Catra had had enough of trying to manage their busy schedule and Catra’s lion’s mane of hair. And also on the tattoo. And her scars. And how her canines were too pointy looking. And on just about everything about her. Good thing Catra didn’t give a single fuck.   
  
Well, maybe she cared a little. 

Quickly changing into fresh, dry clothing that didn’t smell like old vomit and bad 80’s pop music covers; and exiting the bathroom to see Scorpia and Entrapta excitedly chattering in their small kitchen. 

The perks of being a relatively unpopular band were that they could afford an apartment on the low end of in the city, but only a tiny one. And only if they all crammed in there together to make the rent. 

The two girls seemed to be talking about a mix of social behaviours of drunk college kids in bars, and frilly fruity drinks at said bars. Catra resisted the urge to groan, glancing back wistfully at her bedroom, where her bed was. Her nice, soft, warm bed. She could just slip back in there, surely the other girls wouldn’t notice her absence given all their chatter.

Unfortunately, Scorpia noticed Catra before she could slip away. 

“Wild Cat!” Scorpia beamed, “are you ready to go?” 

“Go?” Catra mirrored, confused. What time was it? All the curtains in the apartment were closed. And Catra had been sure she set her alarm for 7 a.m. … Right? 

She checked.

7 p.m. 

Well shit. 

This definitely explained why neither Entrapta nor Scorpia were affected by any lack of sleep and were so perky and chattery. They’d slept, they’d also probably gotten up and closed the curtains so that Catra could sleep longer. Of course, Catra almost always felt like she’d gotten exactly zero sleep. So that wasn’t new. But she supposed it was nice of them to let her sleep. 

Catra groaned and shrugged, grabbing her keys, wallet, and a cookie out of the flower shaped cookie jar and shoving it into her mouth in a feeble attempt to tame the hunger pains in her stomach. The cookie jar itself was a gift from Scorpia’s soon-to-be girlfriend, Perfuma. Catra had idly watched Perfuma and Scorpia flirt and bond for , god, what must have been almost a year. God, how oblivious could they be? Just go on a fucking date already. It was painful to watch.

“Yeah, whatever. Let’s go.” She mumbled around the cookie in her mouth. Shrugging her well worn leather jacket over her shoulders, Scorpia and Entrapta all but ran out the door. Leaving Catra to be the responsible one in the moment, and lock their door. 

This, Catra thought, was going to be an exceptionally long night.


	2. Chapter 2

* * *

_"There's a wild, wild whisper_   
_Blowin' in the wind_   
_Callin' out my name like a long lost friend"_

* * *

Adora blinked slowly at the spackled ceiling of her bedroom. The thin, white, shimmery curtains hanging over her windows cast the room in a muted glow. They took the edge off the morning sunlight streaming inside with the breeze, but it was still uncomfortably bright. Her eyes dragged over the rest of her room. It wasn’t the largest room in the luxurious farm house, but it was still spacious enough to be comfortable and that was all Adora could ask for. Her bed, thankfully a queen sized squishy mattress, was tucked up against a slanted window. It was really more of a sky light than anything, but when it rained Adora loved to lay in bed and just watch the droplets slide down the panes. Often she would fall asleep, mesmerized and comforted. Rain out in the country really was something else.    
  
It wasn’t raining today, though. Outside, the heat was already rising, even though the sun had only been above the horizon for maybe an hour. Birds sang in the tree just outside her window, happily screaming their joy for Adora to hear, despite not being ready to be awake yet. It must have only been sometime around six in the morning, but here she was. Already sweating in the early summer heat.    
  
Sometimes Adora really wished that Angella believed in having the air conditioning on before the temperature hit unbearable highs. Then maybe she’d be getting some real sleep. Of course, Adora knew that wasn’t true. Not entirely, anyways. Sure the AC would help, but her dreams as of late had been rampant and mean. They always were, actually. But this week had been exceptionally cruel, reminding her of things she lost and would never get back.   
  
Adora sat up, swinging her legs over the edge of her bed and resting her head in her hands as she was once again pulled back into the unpleasant memories against her will.    
  
The summer had been hot, much like this one. The skies were clear, and the sky was so blue that Adora could hardly believe she was lucky enough to be out of the dingy city and living out here with Mara, far, far away from the constant noise and nasty looks of strangers on the streets. Or at least, that was how nervous young Adora had perceived the city to be like. She’d only spent a short time there, after her parents had died. Before that, she’d only lived on the outskirts of the city, in suburbs where open space wasn’t common unless you went to a park. Even then though, they weren’t large. Often tiny and disappointing, with simple playground equipment to entertain children long enough on summer break. Their parents were always ecstatic for just a few moments to themselves now that the teachers had escaped the hoards of tiny humans. Once she did get into the city, she was only there until Mara, her godmother, could come and pick her up just a few days after the fire.    
  
Adora’s face had basically been plastered to the window as the rolling fields of wheat and sprouting soy raced by in blurs. Yelling excitedly and pointing at the cows when she saw them, and becoming completely absorbed in counting as many as she could on the long ride up the endless country roads. To young Adora, this place seemed almost magical. She’d been with Mara now for just under a year. The kind face of her guardian had actually replaced a lot of the memories of Adora’s own parents. Her eyes were so blue and clear, so full of life, it was hard not to love Mara. It hadn’t been intentional, but Adora’s most recent memories of her parents' faces had been the devastation of fire on their skin. Often that was all she pictured now when she thought of them. It was easier to just picture Mara instead.    
  
“Adora, sit back down please, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” A kind voice called from the driver’s seat.   
  
Begrudgingly, Adora had sat back down properly in her passengers seat. Adora had only just gotten big enough to ride up front. A fact she boasted to her friends, Glimmer and Bow, who were both still shorter than her. Glimmer especially.    
  
Adora had only just sat down when the whole world flipped upside down with a disorienting crunching noise. There were one, two, three jolting impacts as the car rolled and then crashed in a ditch. Adora saw colours without a name behind her eyes flash as she struggled to comprehend the dull ache in the back of her head from where she’d hit it off the window. Adora’s vision faded slowly to black, the hissing of something in the engine fading into a white noise as Adora slowly lost consciousness. She saw Mara hanging limply upside down from the driver's seat, blood streaming down her arm and pooled on the roof of the car. Adora thankfully couldn’t see her face.    
  
Then it had faded to darkness.

That had been the last time Adora had ever seen Mara alive. The next time Adora saw her, she was lifeless in a casket at her funeral, just like her parents had been. The doctors had assured her that Mara hadn’t suffered, but Adora couldn’t say the same for herself. 

Adora blinked as the noise of Glimmer getting up from her own bed and making her way down the creaking farmhouse stairs brought Adora back to reality. Right. Adora had chores to do. The work never stopped out here, sadly. 

Clumsily, Adora hauled her sorry butt off her bed and got dressed in the lightest pair of jeans she owned, and what she suspected to be one of Glimmer’s mom’s old blouses. Accidentally falling back onto her bed not once, but twice.   
Her outfit was light, and clean, and right now that’s all Adora cared about. All patience had been lost when she knocked her elbow off of her dresser as she struggled to slip her socks on.    
She’d wear shorts if farm work allowed for it and Adora wasn’t a complete disaster. But she was, and she didn’t want to have to scrub manure out of scrapes on her legs again. Truly she hated wearing pants. If she had it her way, she’d always be in shorts or some sort of summer dress.   
  
Satisfied that she’d managed to look presentable, Adora threw her hair into a messy ponytail as she scrambled down the stairs to catch up with Glimmer to eat some breakfast before they headed out to begin cleaning stalls, feeding chickens, and chasing cows into a new pasture so that the grass could grow back in the old one. Unsurprisingly, Bow was already sitting down at the granite island table, staring tiredly out the window at the field of cows just outside. The morning light catching the contours on his face in a way that Adora would call handsome.    
Bow was always here. He didn’t live here, technically. But he also kind of did. Some things were just accepted facts, and one of those was that wherever Glimmer was, Bow was there too. And wherever Bow and Glimmer were, Adora was sure to be found close by. They were the best friend squad, after all.    
  
Adora had met Bow and Glimmer because Mara’s little cabin was right outside the sprawling Bright Moon Meadows property. On her second day with Mara, she was already bored of being cooped up inside. Mara was sweet and kind. But she was poor, and had nothing but books and chores to do inside. Adora hated doing nothing but sulk in her room thinking about how she may never see Catra again. How she would definitely never see her parents again. 

So instead of unpacking her belongings and dealing with her emotional trauma; Adora had begged and begged, and begged  _ some more _ for Mara to let her go outside and explore the quiet little property. Maybe she’d find a cool tree fort. Or a forest creature she could befriend. She’d heard stories about raccoons too, maybe Mara would let her bring one home as a pet? She’d never been allowed pets before because her dad was allergic.    
  
After a lot of pestering, Mara had finally given in with an exasperated sigh.    
  
“Alright, just be careful. Don’t go onto the road, or past the fences. Okay?” Mara sighed, a soft and warm smile softening her already friendly features. “And be home for dinner!”   
  
Adora was already whipping out the door as fast as her injured leg could carry her though, and was gone without so much as an agreement to stay off the road. The summer sun really made Adora happy, and she giddily skipped a few paces before deciding that no, skipping hurt too much. She resigned to walking as quickly as she could to the varying edges of the property. Turning over every stone she found, peering into every fallen log, and happily poking at every insect she found. Sure, the suburbs had bugs, not not big ones like this. Adora had never seen so many creepy crawlies, not even on Halloween. Not even the Halloween that Catra had dumped all the worms she could find into Adora’s pillow case. That was the night Adora had ‘accidentally’ given Catra a black eye. She certainly hadn’t intended to bruise her, but she had that fight coming.   
  
Wincing once again at the thought of Catra, wishing she were here to help her explore as well, Adora stood up. Strands of her straw blonde hair had fallen out of the carefully executed braid that Mara had put it in, and were now wisps blowing in her face with the stiff afternoon breeze. Catra would really like it out here, Adora thought as she glanced upwards towards the giant trees that grew on the edges of the property along the fence. She’d spend all day climbing every tree on the property, bringing down abandoned bird nests, cool bugs, and giant leaves down for Adora. Dividing Mara’s yard from a rolling expanse of wheat field. She knew Catra loved to run and play even more than Adora did.   
  
Before Adora could think about it more though, she heard the sound of children laughing coming from, of course, the other side of the fence. The same fence Mara had told her not to go past. The sounds were too enticing for young Adora though, and she crawled through the splintery gaps in the wood and followed the noise down into what looked to Adora like a small pond, fed by a creek coming from a part of Mara’s property that hadn’t been explored yet. She’d have to check that out later. Who knew what kind of cool critters she’d find in there.    
  
Adora’s eyes scanned the muddy banks of the pond and saw two kids, struggling to move a wooden pallet through the mud and into the water. The boy, dark skinned and wearing what looked to be a choppy excuse for a crop top, heaved his weight against the wood, pushing it into the water with a final shove from the girl next to him. Her summer bleached hair catching the light in a way Adora had never seen before.

Pretty, Adora thought.    
  
The pond sat in a small patch of trees growing between two massive farmer’s fields. Like a quiet, hidden safe haven from the beating summer sun. Adora was fascinated watching the pond skippers dart between the lily pads.    
  
“Bow!” The girl groaned as she got mud all up her legs from the splash.    
  
“Hey, at least we got it in, Glimmer.” The boy, who must have been Bow, said sticking his tongue out at her. “It won't matter anyways, you can wash it off once we’re in there.”    
  
“Yeah, you’re right.” Glimmer agreed, turning around to appreciate their hard work. Glimmer’s eyes caught Adora’s and Adora found herself feeling suddenly very shy.    
  
Both of the kids by the pond got real quiet when they noticed Adora standing there, braced up against a tree to keep weight off her hurt leg. She hid herself behind it, just a little.    
  
It was Bow who first broke the silence. Stepping forward up the bank and coming over to greet her, a happy smile on his face. He held out his hand for a shake, but Adora didn’t immediately reach out to take it.    
  
“Hey! You’re new. What are you doing out here?” He asked, Glancing at Glimmer as she quietly stepped up behind him. 

Glimmer’s expression wasn’t unfriendly, but it was guarded.    
  
“I was just exploring.” Adora explained, feeling safe enough to open up a bit. “I heard you from over there, and wanted to see who was here. I didn’t know there were other kids way out here.”    
  
“Yeah, we’re the only ones. We’re just trying to get to the island in the middle over there,” Bow continued, gesturing over his shoulder towards the pond. 

Sure enough, there was a small island sitting almost in the middle of the small body of water. Adora hadn’t noticed it at first. A few trees sprouted on it, and it seemed to be covered in what looked like thorny bushes.    
  
“We thought that this old skid we found in my dad’s garage would float, and we could get to it.” Glimmer chimed in from over Bow’s shoulder.    
  
“That sounds fun,” Adora smiled, “why don’t you just swim though?”    
  
Both Bow and Glimmer made wincing faces and looked at each other. Answering in unison.    
  
“Leeches.”    
  
“Oh.” Adora nodded, though she wasn’t entirely sure what a leech was.    
  
“... Do you want to join us?” Bow offered, a tentative smile on his face.    
  
Adora perked up immediately, excited to have someone to explore with. “Yeah, I do!”    
  
“Sweet!” Bow chimed excitedly, balling his fists near his face. “I’m Bow, and this is Glimmer. She’s my best friend.”    
  
Glimmer waved happily at Adora and flashed a bright smile.    
  
“My name is Adora.”    
  
And so one very wet, very muddy, and one very leech filled fall into the pond later -because as it turns out the skid would NOT hold three pre-teens up on the water without flipping- they had dubbed themselves the best friend squad. How could you not be best friends after having to pull leeches off each other's backs for the entire rest of the afternoon? After that, they’d basically been inseparable.   
  
Thank god for that, because when Mara died, Angella had let Adora stay on her farm so that the three of them wouldn't get separated after one long and embarrassing melt down about having to leave her best friends  _ again _ . Contributed to by both Bow and Glimmer, who had clung to Adora and yelled their protests at having to give her up until Angella had finally given in and signed the papers to become Adora’s official guardian. Her only condition being that she took up helping out with all the farm work. Adora had tearfully agreed and hugged Angella so tight, she thought she’d never let go. 

  
Adora blinked as she came back into the present, thankfully a much more merciful memory this time. She settled into a seat next to Bow, and Glimmer sat across from her.    
She quietly poured her cereal and joined Bow in watching the cows grazing outside. Their tails lazily swinging to bat the flies away. Adora was happy to mindlessly chew while Glimmer scrolled through whatever was trending on social media this morning. Most of their mornings began like this. Adora loved it.   
  
“Hey, my Aunt Casta says that we should come to her restaurant tonight. Apparently there are rumours that a decently good cover band, coming all the way from Dryl are going to be there.” Glimmer says idly, showing them both the text from over the table.    
  
“Isn’t it just a Karaoke bar?” Adora asks, snorting in indignation. She knew where this was going to go.    
  
“Well yeah, but I don’t know. Don’t you think it would be fun to do something different?” Glimmer smiled a little too cheekily for Adora’s taste.    
  
“I don’t want to sing, Glimmer.” Adora said flatly, pointing at her with her spoon as sternly as she could muster.    
  
Glimmer guffawed, “Who said anything about singing?”    
  
“Come on, Adora. Please?” Bow smiled pleadingly, giving her his best impression of puppy dog eyes that he could. Clearly her spoon tactics had failed. Next time she’d use a fork.    
  
“You promise you won’t try and drag me up on stage?”    
  
“We promise.” They agreed, though their eyes both shone with mischief.    
  
“Hmm. Fine.” Adora grumbled, already feeling the sparks of anxiety of having anyone that wasn’t Bow, Glimmer, or Madame Razz hear her attempts at singing. “Maybe it will be fun, who knows.”    
  
The three of them cleaned up their dishes and headed outside to complete their day of hard work, Adora happy to have something to do to distract her from the anticipation of the night out. Sure, Adora had put up a little bit of a fight, but Bow and Glimmer were always trying to get Adora out of her comfort zone. Unfortunately for her, comfort was not on that night’s list of events. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do have a few chapters written ahead of time, ;P hope you enjoy this one.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no posting schedule, I'll post as I finish things! Anyways, I hope y'all like where this is going :)

* * *

_"In a world of black, and white, and grey  
You paint something beautiful every day  
I can’t think of a better way to spend the time I have  
So I’ll spend it with you, my blue eyed girl"_

* * *

As it turns out, Mystacor Bar and Grill was not in the city as Scorpia and Entrapta had promised. Of course they had lied about it, because if Catra had known it was actually outside the city limits and on the border of fucking nowhere, she wouldn’t have gone.    
  
Scorpia and Entrapta chattered about trivial things together in the front of the car while Catra sat in the back, her chin in her palm and her eyes boredly scanning the darkening horizon over what seemed to be endless fields. The sun had just sunk beyond the horizon, and darkness was quickly engulfing the car that Scorpia had managed to borrow from god knows where.    
Catra didn’t care, either. As long as they didn’t have to pack into a smelly cab on the way home, then this was fine.    
  
“Ugh, Scorpia.” Catra groaned, throwing herself across the back seats. “How much farther? We’ve been driving for  _ hours _ .”    
  
“Actually,” Entrapta corrected, “We’ve been driving for precisely forty-six minutes and twenty-eight seconds.”    
  
“Whatever.” Catra grunted, propping herself up on her elbows to glare at her. “Are we almost there?”    
  
Scorpia leaned over towards the dash and squinted at the GPS’ tiny screen, “Uh, this thing says it’s on this road.”   
  
Catra sat up a little straighter to look out the windshield at the road in front of them. The road that just so happened to stretch farther than any of them could see, rising and falling with the rolling hills of the landscape. Catra hated the country. With an exasperated huff, she flopped back down onto the seats and stared at the roof of the car.    
  
“I think it’s just over this hill…” Scorpia muttered to herself. “Mind you it could be the one after that, or the one… after… that.”    
  
Entrapta was immersed in her phone, watching what Catra could only guess was some tech dude taking apart and explaining some trivial function of a useless machine that no one ever used anymore. Entrapta was funny like that. All these new age technological advancements, and what she cared about the most was the junk that was usually found in scrap yards.    
  
First One’s Tech, Entrapta had affectionately dubbed it. Though, Catra seriously doubted any of the things Entrapta fucked with were the oldest things around.   
  
Catra yawned and sat back up to resume staring out the window. She found her eyes drooping. The repetitive landscape coaxing her fatigue back to the surface.    
  
Just like that Catra was drifting into another dream.    
  
Catra laughed at Adora, who was glaring up at her from the base of the tree. Catra had climbed the branches so fast, all Adora could really do was pout at the bottom. Unable to even hoist herself up to the lowest branch. The cool October breeze rustled the leaves around Catra’s head, making her shudder.    
  
“Catraaa! Give it back!” Whined Adora, grunting as she struggled again to lift herself onto the lowest branch.    
  
Catra glanced down at the bracelet in her hand, the gold chain jingled quietly as she used her thumb to get a closer look at the single charm sitting on it. It was of a cat, sitting with its tail curled around it’s paws. It’s eyes were tiny pieces of blue stained glass. Blue like Adora’s. The charm was simple, elegant, and pretty. Adora was only one of these things.    
  
“Come and get it then!” Catra called down -a challenge Catra knew Adora wouldn’t resist- and climbed even higher into the tree.    
  
Adora’s face morphed into one of stubborn will and she jumped once more to try and grab onto the branch. She landed on it a little too hard. Clinging desperately to the rough bark for one slow second before the whole thing snapped and broke off. The sound of it slicing through the crisp autumn air around them. Adora crashed to the ground, the sound of the impact alone made Catra wince in sympathy. The branch itself landed on Adora’s chest and stomach, forcing Adora to make an unsettling pained grunt as all the air was forced out of her lungs. Adora gasped and rolled over onto her side trying to catch her breath. She could hear Adora wheezing breath from all the way at the top of the tree. A painful grating sound against Catra’s ears.   
  
Panic chilled the blood in Catra’s veins.   
  
“Adora!” Catra cried out, immediately giving up her game and beginning to slide down the tree as fast as she could. Scraping her palms and legs as she did, but she didn’t care.    
Catra landed lightly next to Adora who had started coughing between her fruitless attempts at breathing.    
Catra pushed the broken tree branch off of Adora and helped the blonde sit up. Her hair was a mess, dead leaves and sticks from the tumble were all tangled in her hair, which had come out of it’s ponytail and now hung loosely around her chin. Catra brushed it back to look at the scrape that had appeared over the bridge of Adora’s nose. Small rivulets of blood had formed, but it didn’t seem too bad. Blood from her own scraped hand smeared a little on Adora’s cheek, but Adora didn’t seem to notice or care.   
  
Adora took another gasping breath, clutching at her chest with a panicked look in her eyes. Catra had been winded before, several times actually. The other kids at school were not kind. But she didn’t think Adora had been, despite her almost comical number of accidents and mishaps.    
  
“Just take a slow breath,” Catra told Adora, taking the calmest tone she knew how to. “It’s okay.”    
  
Adora coughed violently a few times, but seemed to hear what Catra was saying because a few moments later they were taking deep slow breaths together. Adora’s shockingly blue eyes staring into Catra’s ugly mismatched ones. It was impossible to look away when Adora looked at Catra like that, like Catra was the one solid thing to hold onto in that moment of uncertainty.   
  
“That was mean.” Adora wheezed when she had collected herself enough to speak.    
  
“It’s not my fault you can’t climb worth beans.” Catra retorted indignantly, leaning her back up against the old tree.    
  
Adora made a pouting face that Catra had always liked to bring out herself. The way her lower lip would stick out just a little crooked had always struck Catra as hilarious. But she didn’t find it funny right now. 

  
At least, not a  _ lot _ . 

“No, you took my bracelet.” Adora explained, her voice still raspy but she had stopped coughing. The taller girl leaned up against the tree next to Catra, their shoulders touching.    
  
Catra sniffed, remembering why she had been compelled to take it and climb into the tree in the first place. “You dropped it. Obviously it doesn’t mean that much if you’d just leave it lying around.”    
  
“You gave it to me, Catra!” Adora exclaimed, throwing her arms out in front of her as if this should be obvious. “Of course it means a lot to me!”    
  
Catra remembered having spent the entire summer working odd jobs for their parents, and slaving over a boring paper route on sweltering hot days and miserably warm downpours to earn enough money to buy Adora that charm for her birthday just a few days ago. Adora had been so happy to receive it and had put it on immediately. The gold of the chain had looked nice sitting against Adora’s summer tanned skin, catching the light and making her smile so hard, Catra had thought it must have hurt.    
  
“Well why’d you just leave it on the lawn, then?”    
  
Adora frowned, “Because it’s too big, it keeps falling off. I didn’t mean to lose it, Catra. It was an accident.” 

  
Catra frowned, and then she hissed her displeasure through her teeth. Shoving the bracelet into Adora’s chest, earning a pained whimper. 

  
“Whatever, Adora.” She grunted, bringing her knees up to her chest. Catra still wasn’t convinced that Adora would have been so careless to lose it if it really meant as much as she claimed it had. Insecurity and hurt burned a small hole in her stomach and she didn’t like the feeling. She cast her eyes away from Adora to glare at the back of her house.    
  
Adora fumbled with the clasp of the bracelet by herself for several long moments, sticking her tongue out in concentration. Catra heard her satisfied hum when she was finished, and annoyance flared behind her ribs at the sound. She didn’t have to keep pretending.   
  
A warm hand gently tugged at Catra’s knee, begging for her attention. Catra hesitantly dragged her eyes back towards Adora, who was wearing a soft, reassuring smile.    
  
“I love this bracelet. You worked so hard to get it, Catra. I didn't mean to lose it, it really was an accident! You have to believe me. You’re my  _ best friend _ .”    
  
Catra felt her eyebrows furrow, and she looked away from the startling blue of Adora’s eyes to the bracelet. Which she had cleverly managed to tighten by clipping it on a different chain link. Catra’s insecurity faded a little.    
  
“You promise you like it?”    
  
“I love it.” Adora nodded, her soft smile widening into a grin. “Now come on, mom promised to bring us home some soda. I made her buy the kind you like.”    
  
The rest of Catra’s hurt melted away and she grinned back at Adora wickedly. “I’ll race you!” She challenged, scrambling to her feet and racing off across the yard towards the back gate of Catra’s yard.    
  
“Hey!” Adora called after her, “Cheater!”    
  
But Adora followed her, tearing across the grass and up the street towards Adora’s house. The sound of their laughter and echoing through the cul de sac and into Catra’s waking thoughts as Scorpia ungracefully pulled into a parking spot, making Catra smack her forehead against the glass.    
  
“Fuck!” She cursed under her breath, rubbing the sore spot. “What the fuck, Scorpia!”    
  
Scorpia whipped around in her seat, gripping her seat in a way that reminded Catra of a small child. Her brown eyes were wide with excitement. “We’re here!”    
  
Both her roommates were out of the car before Catra could spit out whatever sarcastic comment had been brewing on the tip of her tongue. Groaning instead, Catra got out of the car. Her heels crunching on the gravel of the lot in an almost satisfying way as she stood and shut the door behind her.    
  
The lot was packed full of cars. Catra had not expected a place in the middle of nowhere to have so many patrons, but here they were. Actually, Catra noticed as she looked around. They seemed to be nestled in a small town. Like, a super small town. She didn’t even think it warranted the title of town. This place seemed more like a village trying too hard to  _ be _ a town. It looked like it maybe only ran one or two streets. All small, hokey looking buildings boasting all family owned business store fronts. Catra did not recognize a single one of those names. Beyond the populated stretch of road? Nothing. Dirt roads stretching out as far as Catra could see in either direction. Granted that wasn’t far given how dark it had gotten.   
  
“Awesome.” Catra muttered under her breath, and followed Scorpia and Entrapta towards the bar that was nestled between two larger buildings. Catra could already hear the music through the front doors of the place, which were propped open. Pop Country.  _ Even better _ . 

_ Probably to help with the stifling heat of this god forsaken hellhole of a town _ , Catra thought to herself. Reaching and touching the back of her neck, which had already gathered a thin layer of sweat.    
  
“The sun is gone, why does it still feel like Satan's ass hole out here?” Catra snapped, wiping her sweaty hands on her pants.    
  
Scorpia glanced over her shoulder at Catra, and smiled. “I dunno, Wild Cat. But I really like this. It’s dry, and doesn’t smell like the back of a dumpster out here. Dryl is great. But man, I really like the fresh air.”    
  
Catra rolled her eyes. Yeah, okay. She supposed she enjoyed that the air smelled clean, like it wouldn’t somehow transmit some unknown STD just by breathing it in. And she could probably admit to enjoying the cool breeze flowing in from the fields just across the road, carrying the scent of distant wood smoke on it.    
  
“Fresh air has been shown to increase brain power, and have a positive influence on mental health!” Entrapta buzzed, hopping a little in excitement. “ Also it helps your lungs work at full capacity! I would love to see how it affects your bad moods though, Catra. Ooh!Scorpia! Do you think that if we left Catra out here overnight she wouldn’t throw food at me anymore?”    
  
This earned a laugh from Scorpia as they stepped into the crowded bar. Catra grunted and averted their eyes, a little embarrassed but mostly annoyed at the call out. Tuning them out completely and letting her eyes adjust to the sudden brightness of the room. Okay, it wasn’t  _ that _ bright. But it was definitely brighter than the pressing darkness of the outside. Man, the country could get super dark. Catra imagined trying to walk anywhere at night here and ending up lost in some field and getting killed by a crazy axe murder. She shuddered.   
The warm lighting of the bar revealed that yes, the place was in fact packed. It was by some stroke of a miracle that the trio managed to find an empty booth near the stage. Did everyone in the area flock here? Did they not have  _ anything _ else to do at night?    
  
Scorpia and Entrapta continued to excitedly talk about what song they would sing when they found a spare moment to go up. Catra, of course, was having none of that. She agreed to come out, but she never agreed to sing karaoke. She still had her pride after all.    
  
The waiter came and went with their drink orders, leaving behind menus for them to choose from. But Catra wasn’t hungry. Her mind wandered as her friends discussed what they were going to order and who was going to pay for it at the end of the night. 

Something about the talk in this place wasn’t as headache inducing as the bars back in Dryl. No one was fighting, or raging drunk. Everyone seemed to be chattering happily with each other. Snippets of conversation reached Catra’s ears. Talk of the harvests, which produce was coming into season and tips for a plentiful garden. Someone near the door was venting about a stray horse that had eaten all of the apples they’d been planning to sell that weekend. Catra had to laugh at that. Who lets a horse just wander around? Those things are walking accidents waiting to happen.   
The air smelled like warm food and good spirits. Enticing scents wafted out the kitchen’s doors and actually made Catra’s stomach begin to rumble and turn in excitement at the prospect of a meal that wasn’t fast food or Scorpia and Entrapta’s most recent kitchen experiment of the night. There was no cloud of smoke near the ceilings, no vague underlying smell of piss or vomit. The choking scent of cigarette smoke was absent. The ambience of the place made Catra nostalgic for simpler times, when herself, Scorpia, and Entrapta would get onto a stage and just have fun instead of trying so hard to get noticed.    
  
_ Huh. _ Catra hummed to herself, slowly observing the building.  _ Maybe I’ll enjoy this after all.  _

Now, Catra hadn’t been paying her band mates that much attention. So when they stood up suddenly to make their way to the stage to wait in line for a turn to sing, Catra was taken by surprise. Alone in the booth, Catra stole some of Scorpia’s fries and sipped her soda. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been lost in thought. Not long, surely. The service in this place must be fantastic if there was already a plate of hot food at their table. A Blessing that Catra was one hundred percent going to take advantage of.   
The taste of the soda in her glass reminded her of her dream in the car, but she refused to entertain the thought any farther than that. Bullshit, if she was worth anything to Adora, she would have made a better effort to stay in touch.   
  
There was a commotion on the floor, just outside of her booth, and Catra pulled herself out of her thoughts and observations to look at what was going on. Some girl had tripped over… something. Though for all of Catra’s lazy effort, she couldn't see what there was to trip over.   
  
The girl was a pretty looking blonde, from behind at least, scrambled back to her feet and began to apologize profusely to the waiter she had knocked in her sudden tumble.   
  
“Oh, I’m so sorry-- here, let me help you-- oh. I’m sorry. Oops. Let me just-- We’ll tip you _really_ well, I swear.” The girl rambled on, continuing to spill more of the food on the floor as she knelt to try and pick it up. _  
_  
To the side what looked to be this stranger’s friends were standing with their faces buried in their hands. Catra smirked a little to herself. Yeah, of course they were embarrassed. This whole scene is embarrassing. Catra was elated that she got to witness it.  
The boy with them, the tallest of the three of them, knelt down a moment later to try and help, though Catra wasn’t sure there was anything he could do to save this girl's dignity.   
  
“Oh, don’t worry about it.” The waiter assured, trying to shoo the pair of them away from the mess. “I’ll get it, you guys just go have a lovely night.”   
  
“Glimmer, come on, help us out.” The boy said, tugging the short girl down to their level. The girl's pink hair almost seemed to glitter in the light, and her entire demeanour screamed princess. 

Huh. How fitting. Catra thought to herself, sipping again at her drink as she watched the scene continue to unfold in front of her.   
  
“Adora,” muttered Glimmer, “I can’t believe you did that. My Aunt is going to be on me about this for a week!”    
  
Catra’s smirk disappeared from her face, and ice began to spread under her skin. She dropped the straw and tried hard not to move. No way. 

_ Adora?  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rubs my gay little hands together 
> 
> And they've met >:)


	4. Chapter 4

* * *

_"I know it breaks your heart_   
_Moved to the city in a broke down car_   
_And four years, no calls_   
_Now you're looking pretty in a hotel bar"_

* * *

“I didn’t mean to!” The girl called Adora sighed, exasperated as the waiter physically yanked them away from the mess. Continuing to insist they go have fun. Yeah, like that was going to happen now.  
  
The gods had to be laughing at Catra. Was this _her_ Adora? There was no way she was going to randomly find her childhood best friend out in a bar this tiny, this far outside of the city. 

She stumbled again, right into Catra’s table. “Oh- Sorry, I-” The girl turned around to apologize to Catra. 

Adora’s eyes were as blue as she remembered them. Yep, she was in Hell alright.  
  
 _W_ **_ow_ ** , Catra caught herself thinking. _She really grew up_. 

They both froze, and the friends that were accompanying her stared in confusion. Glimmer whispering not very quietly to the taller boy with them. 

“Uh, Bow? Do you know what’s happening?” 

“Uhh…” Was all that came out of Bow’s mouth, in an almost squeaky fashion. Catra would have thought it hilarious if she were in any mood to laugh.  
  
Adora definitely didn’t look exactly how Catra remembered her. She wasn’t a lanky, skinny, stick of scraped up little kid any more. There was nothing awkward looking about her at all. No, Adora had grown tall and filled out in very proportionate ways. She was taller than Catra. She could tell even without standing up next to her ex-friend. She’d hoped that maybe she’d at least out-grow Adora. Instead, Catra would look like the lanky, skinny, stick of a woman next to Adora. 

Adora stood staring back at her with shockingly crystalline blue eyes that Catra had always been just a little envious of, when she hadn’t been admiring them that is. Her skin looked soft, and was a sun kissed tan, bringing out the freckles under her eyes, speckled across her nose in a subtle and appealing way. If this had been a photo of Adora she were staring at, she definitely would have thought it was Photo-shopped. Her hair, which had been a plain but appealing shade of blonde when they were kids; had darkened at its roots and become sun streaked. Her ponytail had stayed, but her bangs fell into her face from when she’d collided with the waiter. A few strands of soft curls of hair rested against Adora’s jaw, giving her just enough of a messy appearance to still be incredibly pleasing to look at. Catra noticed as she was observing her face that Adora’s eyebrow hadn’t completely grown back in after they’d been singed off after all. Not in an ugly, comical way though. No, o _f course_ it had to be in a hot way. She really could have used something to laugh at right this moment.  
  
 _God, give me_ **something** , Catra thought.

Adora stepped away from the table, right into Bow’s chest. “Catra?” She asked, softly. 

“Oh, so you _do_ remember.” Catra found herself sneering, trying to inject as much venom into her tone as she could. 

Adora winced and Bow placed a hand on her shoulder. “Adora?” 

“Uhm. How have you... Uh. Been?” Adora seemed to be forcing the words through her teeth. Did Adora hate her, or something? Or was she just regretting that she had to suddenly face the ‘friend’ she abandoned forever ago?  
  
Catra forced her expression to stay neutral. It was hard. Anger and hurt from years ago boiling in her chest, threatening to spill over and scald them both.  
  
“Really?” Catra drawled, staring at Adora right in the eyes. “How have I been?”  
  
Adora looked like she was about to cry, but it was only for a moment, and then the expression changed to something else. Something that sat in Catra’s stomach like a cold stone. Whatever it was though, was quickly covered by a friendly smile. God, how fake could she be? 

_Just leave. It’s what you do._  
  
“Wait-” Bow interrupted, glancing at the bubblegum princess at his side, “Catra? Like, _thee_ Catra? The one that you-”  
  
“Yeah.” Adora confirmed, sounding almost sad. “That one.”  
  
“How many Catra’s do you know?” She almost spat, leaning back in her booth. Trying hard to be casual about her sudden urge to get as far away as possible from Adora as she could. Bubblegum Princess and Rainbow over there knew who she was? What had Adora told them? Did they all hate her? Was this worse than she had originally thought? Of course that’s how this would play out.   
  
Just then, there was a mechanical screeching noise from the stage that felt like nails against a chalkboard in Catra’s bones. The hair on her arms almost stood straight up at the noise. To her satisfaction, the princess crew all cringed as well, and Adora rubbed her ear. Glancing at the stage to see what the problem was. The warm light of the bar caught Adora’s jaw in a way that Catra chose not to acknowledge.  
  
Scorpia and Entrapta had clambered onto the stage and were fiddling clumsily with the mic. Without any warning, Entrapta threw her arms into the air and let out an excited, and somewhat maniacal sounding laugh. What had that girl done to the restaurant's equipment now?  
  
Scorpia answered that question herself when her voice sounded on the speakers. Twice as loud as it had been for all the other sad saps singing terrible renditions of ancient pop songs. Awesome, now they all had to suffer through Entraptas vocaloid mix version of Baby Got Back. A few seconds later though, thankfully, Scorpia began humming a tune that Catra did not recognize, and shortly after bursting into what seemed to be an on-the-spot song about being a spy. Still terrible, but at least it wasn’t Baby Got Back. Entrapta herself bouncing along excitedly in the background as she stared directly into the bright stage lights, seemingly muttering to herself about god knows what.

_If she loses her sight,_ Catra thought bitterly, _it’s her own fault._

Catra dragged her attention back to Adora.  
  
“Just you. You’re the only Catra, I mean.” Adora offered, smiling weakly and rubbing her upper arm. Catra’s eye was caught by the glint of gold on her wrist.  
  
She frowned. _Was that..?_  
  
But Adora moved her arm too quickly for Catra to see any better. Gripping Bow’s shoulder instead for comfort.  
  
“This is Bow, and that’s Glimmer.” Adora added in a brighter tone, too bright, gesturing to her friends.  
  
“So I gathered.” Catra groaned, fighting the urge to sneer again. “You guys are loud.”  
  
“And this is Catra.” Adora finished, still holding a smile on her face though her eyes looked distant and foggy.  
  
 _Good, she’s uncomfortable too._  
  
“Uh,” Glimmer glanced between Catra and Adora. “Nice to meet you, Catra. What brings you here?”  
  
“My band mates thought it would be fun to visit your fucking dump of a town and see what all the fuss was about. Dragged me along.” Catra huffed, lazily gesturing to the two dorks on the stage, still singing about spies. Or was it fries? Catra wasn’t paying attention.  
  
“Oh… OH!!” Glimmer suddenly stood up straighter and Catra’s nails dug into the wood of her table in surprise, earning herself a splinter right under her nail. Perfect.  
  
As Catra stuck her finger in her mouth to try and ease the pain, she glared at Glimmer.  
  
“You’re from that band my aunt was talking about!” Glimmer bounced excitedly, shaking Bow’s shoulder. “Bow!”  
  
“OH! Right! You’re in The Horde!” Bow chimed in suddenly, cluing in.  
  
Adora stood quietly, her eyes trained on Catra so hard that it was hard not to squirm, but Adora didn’t join in her friends' excitement. If anything she seemed to come _closer_ to Catra’s table despite all her thoughts willing them to go away, which was not at all appreciated by Catra who was now effectively trapped.  
  
Without an invitation, Glimmer slid into her booth. Yanking Adora into the seat right next to her. They sat across from Catra, and that meant the only seat left and her only exit to be taken by Bow, right next to her.  
  
Catra was left with no choice but to participate in this torturous conversation. Normally she would be thrilled to be recognized by some stranger. It always stroked her ego and gave her just a little more motivation to keep trying. But not right now. Right now, she wished she had never joined a stupid band so that she wouldn’t be having this conversation right now.  
  
“Yeah. What about it?”  
  
“Oh it’s just, my Aunt heard that you were coming here tonight so we thought we’d check it out! There isn’t much about you online though. No pictures. Lots of Youtube videos. Some Spotify playlists…” Glimmer rambled.

It took all of Catra’s energy to focus on Glimmer. She felt Adora’s gaze boring into her skull like she’d felt the flames burn her skin all those years ago.  
  
“... And Bow really likes your cover of Novocaine? By Fall Out Boy!”  
  
“Uhm. Thanks.” Catra muttered awkwardly, wishing for once that Scorpia were here to take some of the heat of conversation off of her shoulders. But Scorpia was now talking excitedly to some other strangers just off stage.  
  
“Yeah, you guys are _awesome_ !” Bow’s voice cracked at the last word, and once again Catra wished she were in the mood to laugh.  
  
“I didn’t even know this was a thing.” Adora said something, finally. Her cheery tone was threatened with a tone of regret. “I uh, always forget to check out the links you guys send me.”  
  
 _Adora really doesn’t want to see me either_ . Catra sneered to herself. Ignoring the sting of that realization and opting to be annoyed by it instead.That how she wanted Adora to feel, right?  
  
This latest response from Adora earned a sharp look from both of her friends. Adora seemed to sink further into the seat cushion, a muttered apology under her breath but Catra barely heard it. 

  
  
Catra watched as Glimmer’s excitement was replaced with one of concern, her hand leaving the table and grasping at Adora’s which were hidden in her lap. Bitterness rose in Catra’s throat like bile.  
  
“Typical of you, Adora.” Catra sniffed, averting her eyes.  
  
The group of them fell into a tense silence. Glimmer was still staring worriedly at Adora, who was avoiding her gaze and instead inspecting what looked like a crumpled receipt on the floor next to their boot. Bow’s dark eyes were glancing between Adora and Catra, his expression hard to read.  
  
Clearly they had heard about Catra, but she didn’t know what exactly they’d heard. Catra’s band mates didn’t know about Adora. Catra hated Adora and everything she represented, but she didn’t want to talk about it.  
  
Bow finally broke the silence when Scorpia and Entrapta made their way back over to them.  
  
“Who’s this?”  
  
“Oh! Catra! You’ve made some friends, I’m so excited for you!” Scorpia beamed, holding out her hand and shaking Bow’s, Glimmer’s, and Adora’s hand with a wild excitement that left all three of them massaging their hands afterwards. Scorpia never knew how hard to shake a hand. It was like she had claws instead of fingers.  
  
“These aren’t my friends.” Catra seethed through her teeth as Scorpia pushed her way into the booth next to Bow, pinning Catra up against the wall uncomfortably.  
  
“OH! Well. Sorry. Doesn’t matter. You never socialize. You really should you know, Entrapta says that it would probably help your-”  
  
“These are my bandmates,” Catra snapped, glaring at Scorpia. “Entrapta, and Scorpia. Entrapta uses her keyboard to do… stuff. Whatever, it makes us sound good. And Scorpia does the backup instruments.”  
  
Entrapta scootched in next to Adora, who was now looking just as uncomfortable as Catra felt; pinned against the wall. She looked happy to have someone else to talk to though, because she spoke up.  
  
“It’s really nice to meet you guys. This is Glimmer and Bow. I’m Adora.”  
  
“Ooh! Catra made more friends? This really is quite exceptional. Catra, what were you doing when this occurred? Your usual demeanour suggests that strangers wouldn’t want to sit and chat with you. Oh! Was it the fresh air? Is it already improving your moods? I have to document this for future reference.”  
  
Catra sucked air in through her teeth and hid her eyes behind her hand as Entrapta prattled on. She could hear the shuffling of Entrapta as she no doubt was pulling out her notebook and recording device.  
  
Catra winced and peeked through her fingers as she heard Adora giggle. The glare Adora received wiped the smile right off her face and she went straight back to looking at anything but Catra.  
  
Bow spoke next, sounding amused. “I see. Well, you do seem a little. Pointy.”  
  
“Yeah, Catra here just has trouble with … well. Everybody.” Scorpia shrugged, beaming at Catra from over Bow’s head. “But she cares deep down, I know she does.”  
  
Catra felt her face grow hot and she shrunk farther into the wall, cursing Scorpia out under her breath. She felt her face get warmer as she noticed that Adora had her fist over her mouth, poorly hiding the grin she was losing a fight with. Her eyes were still trained off to the side. The image might have been kind of cute if Catra wasn’t so furious with everyone sitting at this fucking booth.  
  
Glimmer’s eyes were now the ones bouncing between Catra and Adora. There was a look in the soft brown eyes that made Catra feel suspicious of whatever she was thinking. Catra caught the next look between Glimmer and Bow. A look that both of them seemed to understand because Glimmer set her hands down on the table, palms down.  
  
“Hey, so listen.” 

_Uh oh_.

“My parents like to hold this annual summer party for the town. It’s like. The biggest party of the year around here. My parents put me in charge of finding a band to play for the crowd.”  
  
Catra removed her hand from her face and squinted at Glimmer, the rejection already forming on her tongue.  
  
“Would you guys be interested?” Glimmer finished, looking hopefully between the Horde trio.  
  
“Thanks, but--” Catra grunted as Bow was shoved into her side when Scorpia stood up, slamming her hands down on the table excitedly.  
  
“You want us to play? Oh man! That would be so awesome! We absolutely will! Oh what an honour. When is it?”  
  
Catra’s mood sank even lower as Glimmer asked for the band's details, the group exploding into conversation at descriptions of the event, what kind of set up they had, music tastes. Catra stopped paying attention almost immediately. She definitely didn’t want to go perform anywhere near Adora’s new friends. But Glimmer dropped the bomb; the rates that Glimmer’s parents were willing to pay them.  
Adora’s expression had become something that Catra didn’t quite recognize, but struck her as similar to. Hope?  
  
The group settled into a more friendly and less career oriented string of conversations not long after that. Catra had accepted her fate, she had to go perform on some smelly farm out in the middle of nowhere. At least it would be a one time gig. Catra didn’t speak much, just quietly observed the conversation from the side lines. Trying desperately to ignore Adora’s eyes staring at her from across the booth. The cool blue of them was shocking in comparison to the warm lighting of the bar, and her stillness stood out against the movement of her friends around her.  
  
Catra wouldn’t have typically found this strange, had this girl been anyone except Adora. But their years as best friends had taught Catra that a still Adora wasn’t a happy Adora. That girl hated to sit still for too long. She was even unnecessarily violent in her sleep. She also noticed that Adora was fiddling with something in her hands, and Catra caught a glint of gold between Adora’s nimble looking fingers. God, how did Adora manage to grow into someone straight out of a magazine, while Catra looked more like something a stray mutt dragged out of the trash? Everything about Adora right now was pleasing to look at. Even the faint scar on Adora’s neck from when they were kids and Adora had taken on a bully who had pulled Catra’s hair until she cried. 

Adora and this big brute of a child had wrestled on the ground until both of their noses were bloody and they were covered in small cuts and bruises from head to toe.  
  
Adora had lost when the larger kid hit her in the neck with a broken piece of pipe he’d picked up, sending her sprawling in the dirt. Her neck now the home of an impressive looking cut that had required stitches. Catra had demanded to go to the emergency room with her because she knew Adora was afraid of doctors. The night had been long, but Adora hadn’t looked like she regretted a single moment of it. Not even when she’d squeezed Catra’s hand so tight it hurt as the doctor injected the wound with lidocaine so he could clean and stitch up the wound.  
  
The scar was barely visible now. Catra only noticed it because she knew it was there. The memory is just a faint silvery line on Adora’s neck. Adora stared back at her, almost completely still except for the fiddling of her fingers.  
  
Catra saw it clearly now, the charm bracelet. She saw the cat charm still there, along with a few others that Adora must have collected through the years. Catra’s chest filled with fury.  
  
She kept the bracelet, but tossed Catra out like last week's news as soon as she’d moved away. Catra clenched her jaw hard enough to hurt and looked away.  
  
“It’s getting late. We should be heading back to the city.” Catra managed to grind out, silencing the conversation at the table.  
  
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. We should be heading back now too. Adora?” Glimmer leaned over to catch Adora’s eyes.  
  
The blonde didn’t say anything, just nodded and nudged Entrapta out of the booth so she could stand up. She smiled politely at Entrapta, and then at Scorpia. Catra didn’t get a smile, just a soft expression that Catra had seen many times in her childhood. The same one that had been on Adora’s face when they’d said goodbye for the last time. It made Catra’s heart _ache_ , like Adora had taken a cold stone and dropped it right into her chest. God, that ache had filled her chest and fuelled her pathetic sobs for months.  
  
Catra just sneered back at her and looked away.  
  
Adora turned and left quickly, leaving Bow and Glimmer looking worried and confused in the booth.  
  
“Uh. Hey, it was super awesome meeting you guys. We’re super excited to see you perform next week. Really can’t wait. You’re awesome!” Bow said in a rush, politely waving at them as he chased after Adora.  
  
 _Next week?_ Catra dug her nails into the table. She thought she’d have at least a month to convince Scorpia that this was a shitty job to take. Somehow. It was a lot of money. Yeah, she’d never manage to change any of their minds. Especially since Scorpia and Entrapta had been so warmly welcomed into the bubblegum brigade. Scorpia was too loyal to say no now.  
  
Glimmer waved at them as well and left her contact information on the table before darting after Bow so quick, Catra could have sworn she’d just teleported away.  
  
Catra relaxed a little once they were out of sight.  
  
“That was. Tense.” Entrapta observed helpfully. “Your pupils dilated by approximately sixty percent when you saw Adora. This would suggest an attraction.Tell me! How is your heart-rate?”  
  
Scorpia’s eyes widened and she brought her fists up by her mouth. “Oooh, does our little Wild Cat have a crush?” 

  
Catra snapped, standing up and slapping her hand on the table with a bang that got the attention of anyone in a three meter radius around them.

“ _I hate her._ ” Catra hissed, her voice low and rumbling in her chest. 

She didn’t wait for Scorpia or Entrapta to react. She dumped a small pile of bills on the table and stormed out of the bar. Stomping across the gravel car lot until she got to the car they’d borrowed, and slipping into the back seat. Her blood roared in her ears, and she could feel her heartbeat in her entire body.  
  
She hadn’t seen Adora or her friends on her way out, and for that she was grateful. A tempest of emotions whirled inside her and threatened to break her apart.  
  
“ **_FUCK_ **!” Catra screamed, slamming her fists into the back of the passenger seat. 

  
The movement made the whole car shake. She felt something hot and wet drop into her lap, and reached to touch her face. Hot tears choked her throat. She had to get this under control before her friends joined her in the car, but all she could think about was the soft, pained expression on Adora’s face before she’d turned around and left.  
  
She took a few deep breaths, attempting to get it under control. She ran her hand through her hair,pushing her bangs out of her eyes.  
  
“Fuck...” Catra muttered again, her voice quiet and cracking. “Adora.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is a little shorter than the others, but it didn't feel right to just jam more in there just for the sake of it being longer. :)

* * *

_ "When you said, how've you been doing,  
I gave you the typical line  
I've been fine  
But I was lying, and dying, yeah" _

* * *

Adora slipped out of the bar without causing too much of a scene, tears burning behind her eyes. The night had been a disaster from the moment she knocked over all that food. 

Catra. That had really been  _ her _ Catra.

The last person she had ever expected to show up here. Way out here, deep in the county of Etheria. What could have possibly been the odds of that?

Adora had sat between Glimmer and Entrapta for hours feeling as though the ground had simultaneously become more solid than it had been in years and disappearing from under her feet. Her skin was crawling and the air felt too hot. The lights, too bright. Every sound grated against her core. She needed air, but couldn’t move to get any.

Catra looked different from the photo Adora kept in her room from their childhood. Of course she did, it had been years. They’d both had entirely separate lives. They’d grown up. Why wouldn’t she look different? Adora just hadn’t been quite prepared for _ how  _ different. If it hadn’t been for Catra’s distinctive eyes and her familiar -albeit painful- sour expression, Adora might not have even made the connection.

Instead of a wild head of hair that Catra had been too lazy or too indifferent to try and tame when they were kids, it was now cut short. Adora wasn’t sure how to describe it. Choppy and just a little uneven. Long enough to hang in Catra’s eyes, but pushed back. It was nice. It might not have been on anybody else, but on Catra... Adora could confidently say that she liked that look on Catra. Unfortunately that’s where her confidence surrounding Catra ended. 

The same eyes that haunted Adora’s thoughts since she’d moved away stared up at her from the booth she’d stumbled into. Full and bright with anger. Still. The pale icy blue, and the warm, melting amber of her eyes disoriented her almost as much as just seeing Catra here did. A splash of startling freckles sat over the bridge of Catra’s nose, of course she’d had those when they were kids too but they stood out more now. They almost reminded her of stars. Maybe if Adora had the time she could piece together a constellation they reminded her of, but the ferocious fire in Catra’s eyes forced her to look away from them lest she get burned. 

Adora swallowed nervously and took the rest of Catra in. 

Her skin was the same gentle caramel colour Adora remembered from their childhood, though now it was the canvas to several scars. Adora supposed that made sense, she had her own scars too for the same reason. 

Adora tried not to react when she saw the edge of a tattoo peeking out from under the sleeve of Catra’s leather jacket, she’d always loved the idea of getting one herself but she was too scared to let someone jab her that many times with a needle. Also, that was way too much sitting still for her tastes. 

That would be where her scar starts, Adora thought to herself. It must be a cover up. 

What does the rest of it look like? Adora could only see what looked like the ends of leaves and maybe some flower petals peeking out from under the covering. Was it just her wrist, or her whole arm? Would Catra show it to her if she asked?

Adora abandoned the thought though when she noticed once again how angry Catra’s eyes looked. She felt her mouth press into a line, forgetting the tattoo when she noticed just how tired and thin Catra looked. Worn out. There were barely concealed bags under her eyes and her cheeks looked just a little hollow. When was the last time she’d slept? Has she not been taking care of herself? Is she sick?   
  
Adora hadn’t gotten the chance to ask about anything because Catra had been so cold and distant the entire night.

Adora rushed out into the cooling night air. She walked as fast as she could without running straight around to the back of the building where she finally let herself take a deep shaking breath. It came out more like a sob and it tore its way out of her chest like a raging caged animal and twice as painful.

The world around her began to feel unbalanced and she was forced to brace her hands on her knees to keep from falling over. She was dizzy, very dizzy. Which way was up? The lights in the back car lot shone way too bright and hurt her eyes. She squeezed them shut.

_ Catra. _

Adora’s chest felt tight and she struggled to get a full breath. She was failing.

She felt a warm hand on her back and she jumped forward, slipping in the dirt and hitting the ground hard. The jarring stinging sensation of gravel scraping her palms and digging into her back and legs brought her back down to earth. 

“Adora!” Bow’s voice broke through Adora’s clearing storm of thoughts.    
  
She glanced up and saw Bow and Glimmer’s worried faces hovering over her. Glimmer was reaching out towards her and her lips twitched with a smile.   
  
“Are you okay?” Glimmer asked, sitting down in the dirt next to Adora. Which probably was going to ruin the dress she was wearing.    
  
“That was really Catra.” Breathed Adora, placing her head back in her hands. Her voice sounded raw to her own ears.   
  
Bow and Glimmer didn’t say anything, instead they both slipped their arms around Adora’s shoulders. They’d heard almost all of Adora’s stories about Catra. They knew Adora had missed her. They knew how much Adora hoped she’d get to see her again one day.   
  


“She really hates me.” Adora moaned, her fingers digging into the back of her neck. “I knew she would, I’m just. She really hates me.”    
  
Adora’s voice broke and she pulled her knees closer to herself.    
  
Adora hadn’t meant to leave Catra behind, not completely like she had. When she left, she’d had every intention of staying in contact. Had tried several times, actually. But Mara couldn’t afford a phone bill, so she didn’t have a phone. And Angella never let the kids hang out in her massive farm house during the nicer weather, so Adora couldn’t even use theirs. The one time she’d been caught trying to sneak in, Adora had been given the sternest talking-to she'd received in her life. Being the people pleaser that Adora is; it had been a very, very rough afternoon to say the least. Angella was a very scary person when she wanted to be.   
  
Eventually, when Adora hadn’t heard from Catra either, she’d assumed that Catra didn’t want to talk. Surely Catra would have tried to? The longer time went on, the more Adora’s anxiety built on the idea that Catra had simply forgotten about her. By the time Adora had graduated high school and started her online college courses, she’d all but abandoned the thought of trying to reach out. Catra had probably forgotten about her anyway. Lots of kids don’t stay friends after they move away. Catra probably had all sorts of new friends. Of course, the way her band mates had talked about Catra made her think that Adora had been wrong in that regard. She wasn’t entirely surprised by that.    
  
Bow rubbed her back gently and began getting to his feet, tugging Adora to hers as well. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think. You heard her friends. She’s probably just… Like that with people.”    
  
Adora gut told her that wasn’t entirely true, Catra had always had a hard time getting along with others, but she hadn’t known Catra in a very long time.    
  
“Yeah. Maybe you’re right. I just. I didn’t expect her to look at me like that.”    
  
“I don’t think any of us did, babe.” Glimmer sighs sympathetically as she brushed the dirt off of the back of Adora’s legs for her.    
  
“Maybe you guys can talk about it the next time we see her.” Bow added helpfully as he picked a piece of gravel out of Adora’s ponytail. “You know, work it out?”   
  
Adora still couldn’t believe that they’d done that. Made it so that there would be a next time. She might feel betrayed by her friends if she didn’t already know that her friends would never intentionally hurt her. And despite her hurt feelings, Adora was really, really glad there would be a next time. She wanted to see Catra again. If nothing else, she just wanted to apologize.    
  
“Maybe.” Adora muttered, and then she forced a small smile. “Thanks guys. Let’s just go home. I really just want to go to bed.”    
  
Bow smiled and slung his arm back over Adora’s shoulder and Glimmer did the same. Adora couldn’t help but laugh a little as they walked arm in arm back to the truck they’d arrived in. They must look so dorky walking like that, but she didn’t care. She loved her friends.   
  
After they’d all buckled themselves in- Adora sitting in the middle so that both her friends could still reach her if needed- Bow started the engine and pulled out of the lot. Quiet, twangy country music filled the cab and Adora found herself quietly resting her head on Glimmer’s shoulder. The ride back to Bright Moon wasn’t a long one, but Adora found herself completely wiped from that evening’s events.    
  
She fell asleep before they’d even made it out of town, lulled into a dreamless sleep by the soft hum of the truck, the warmth of Glimmer’s shoulder, and the static of the radio music. 


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

_"Behind your walls_   
_You build them up so tall_   
_You don't even hear me calling_   
_Brick by brick I try to tear them down_   
_But you just stand your ground"_

* * *

The week had passed way too fast and Catra wasn’t even anywhere close to ready to see Adora again. Here she was though, crammed back into a car with Scorpia and Entrapta and driving down the world's longest dirt road.    
  
Seriously. Had these people never heard of asphalt?    
  
Catra sat in the front seat this time, her arms folded over her chest as she glared venomously out the window. She’d taken to counting the telephone poles running along the road before they had veered off over a field and Catra couldn’t do that anymore. She’d gotten to almost four-hundred and fifty-eight. Now all there was to look at were small patches of trees and grassy fields. The occasional rock. Maybe a bird if she was lucky.   
  
The day was hot again, and Catra had been forced to put her leather jacket in her bag because the car’s air conditioning had crapped out on them half an hour ago. Now she just wore a black tank top that showed off her bony frame. She’d never felt self conscious about it before, but after seeing how well Adora was doing… well. Maybe she wanted to impress Adora, just a little bit. Not that she had much to work with.    
  
Scorpia hummed happily in the driver's seat, bopping her head along to the crappy radio signal. They’d learned as they left the city that the car’s CD player didn’t work. A fact that had only soured Catra’s mood even more. With every burst of static from the speakers, Catra sank lower into her seat.    
Entrapta was sitting in the back, fiddling around with one of their speakers. She was pulling wires and putting them back in different places. Catra just hoped that she didn’t break them, as they didn’t have the money to get them replaced. There was no point in telling her not to play with the sound equipment though, because she wouldn’t listen. All she could do was hope. Somehow the lack of lack of AC and the shitty music quality wasn’t bothering her at all. She happily muttered to herself and to the recording app in her phone. Catra didn’t pay attention to anything she said. All nerd babble, she figured.    
  
Catra sighed and rested her head against the car’s frame, letting the wind from the open window brush over her face. The only relief from the stifling heat. She had to admit it felt nice, they couldn’t do this in the city. Most of the time they were stuck moving at a pace that not even a snail would envy, bumper to bumper in a thick cloud of sewer steam and smog. Something new and rancid smelling at every turn. You didn’t roll your windows down in Dryl, it was an unspoken rule. Out here the air felt crisp, clear. Catra could fill her lungs up and not be forced to cough after. A myriad of new scents hung in the air. A faint sweet smell. Wild flowers? Hay, maybe? Sweet grass? Catra didn’t know, but it was pleasant and once she noticed it, her mood improved. Just a little.

  
They were the only ones on the road in either direction. Blue sky stretched out for miles and miles, the sun beating down and heating the earth and making the road shimmer and dance; always just ahead of them. Catra could hear bugs buzzing in trees. Cicadas, she thought. She’d only ever heard those when she was a kid in the suburbs or in the movies. It all had a kind of child-like nostalgia to it. Catra half expected to see a group of gun slinging cowboys racing off into the sunset.    
  
There was nothing though, nothing at all. Nothing in every direction. Who lived like this?   
  
Catra huffed again and looked to the driver’s side, where Scorpia was singing under her breath happily. Was Scorpia ever bothered by boredom? What was her secret? Did her only two brain cells just enjoy the elevator music that was always playing in there?   
  
Catra almost asked, but then decided to stay quiet. She didn’t want to start Scorpia babbling, which would inevitably get Entrapta going. Catra was bored, but she wasn’t that bored.    
  
She was about to close her eyes to maybe get some sleep before they arrived when the glint of something white in the field outside her window caught her attention. So far there had been nothing at all, so this stood out. She sat up and squinted against the summer breeze and sunlight to see what it was. It was probably just another mirage from the heat. Maybe a washed out advertisement billboard or whatever.   
  
On the far end of the field, near a thin line of trees dividing it from the field behind it, a white shape was indeed moving along in the same direction of the car. Catra shifted in her seat, leaning a little out the window to dry and decipher what she was seeing.   
  
A… horse?    
  
The glinting white blob moved closer to the road over the next few moments, and Catra could see it clearer. Yes, it was a horse. A blindingly bright white stallion galloped through the field. He was going at least as fast as the car, and still somehow looked like the movements were lazy and effortless. Catra didn’t like horses but even she had to admit that was a beautiful animal. Catra hummed to herself, and noticed the slight figure perched upon his back. Tiny in comparison to the horse. Wait. Is that? It can’t be.    
  
“Oh, no fucking way.” Catra muttered out loud.    
  
“What's that?” Scorpia asked, glancing over. “You say something?”    
  
“It’s Adora!” Catra exclaimed.    
  
Adora was riding this massive white horse with nothing at all beneath her, there wasn’t even one of those ropey things that goes in the horse’s mouth. What was it called? Catra couldn’t remember. She sat directly on the horse’s back, no saddle or anything. Her hands rested in his mane as he galloped effortlessly through the grass. It couldn’t have been comfortable, the thought of the horse’s spine alone made Catra wince. But Adora looked almost graceful. She thought back to the mess at the bar the week prior, and remembered that graceful was not a word to be used to describe Adora. But she was, she looked graceful in this moment.   
  
Adora’s shoulders moved in time with the stallion’s head and neck, her eyes trained ahead of her. Catra didn’t think that she saw the car at all, even though she was running almost directly next to the road now where the ground was at its most even. She looked like she was almost floating overtop of the animal’s powerful body.    
  
Catra was certain that if their places were switched, she’d have fallen off long ago. Actually, Catra never would have even gotten on.   
  
Catra found herself staring, mesmerized by the scene. Adora’s hair was gradually coming loose out of its ponytail from the whipping of the wind and was flying around her face. The stallion under her flicked an ear towards the car as they sped along and it snorted. Adora still didn’t look over, but she reached down and patted the stallion's neck. How could you not notice the only car on the road, right next to you?   
  
Catra could hear the hoof beats over the sound of the engine now and saw when he began to run faster. His body stretched out and contorted gracefully, tail whipping in the wind behind them.    
  
As the stallion picked up speed, now going breathlessly fast and beginning to overtake the car, Catra heard Adora laugh. She let go of the stallion's neck and threw her arms into the air at her sides and closed her eyes, tilting her chin towards the sky. The gold of her charm bracelet glinting and almost blinding Catra while she stared. She looked like she could almost be flying.   
  
Holy shit, she’s going to fall. Catra tensed, gripping her seat.    
  
But she didn’t.    
  
Adora stayed aloft on the horse’s back like she was simply sitting on a stationary object. No, like she was floating over a stationary object. Effortless and elegant. Again, not words one would usually use to describe Adora.   
  
“Oh wow, that’s really beautiful.” Scorpia commented, glancing between the road and Adora. “She’s like. Wow. Straight out of a movie.”    
  
Catra’s face flushed, realizing her jaw had fallen open a little. She snapped it shut.

“It’s whatever.” She grunted, leaning back into her seat. Her eyes still followed Adora’s movements along the road though.    
  
Eventually Adora brought her arms back down and intertwined her fingers back into the white mane of the horse.    
  
It was then that Adora noticed the car driving along next to them and her eyes widened with surprise, and Catra could have sworn her sun kissed face darkened with embarrassment.    
  
What happened next caught  _ everyone _ off guard.   
  
Adora was thrown right over the stallion's head when he suddenly skidded to a halt. Catra wasn’t sure why he would have stopped, but that certainly didn’t seem to matter. Catra could see Adora’s limbs rolling through the foliage for half a second before she disappeared completely in the tall grass. She hit the ground hard, that must have really hurt. A small cloud of dust was rising from where Adora must have skidded along the ground and around the stallions legs.   
  
_ Now that, _ Catra thought smugly,  _ is more like Adora. _   
  
Catra grunted and pulled her head back into the cab, staring at the road ahead of them. She could see the farm now, but the image of Adora riding bareback alongside the car was burned behind her eyelids. So was her ever so satisfying fall from grace.

_ Serves her right _ , she thought. Ignoring the worry burning in her stomach. Adora didn’t deserve her concern.   
  
“Oh my gosh! Is she okay?” Scorpia asked, hitting the brakes so hard that Catra flies forward and smacks her face off the dash.    
  
“Jesus- SCORPIA!” Catra snaps, whirling on her as she rubbed her head. “Are you trying to get us killed?”    
  
“She just fell off that horse!” Scorpia wasn’t listening, twisting to look out the back windshield. “Whoosh! Like a cartoon! Catra, go make sure she’s okay!”    
  
“What?!” Catra screeched, “Why me? You go!”    
  
Scorpia was already undoing Catra’s seat belt for her though. “You can also apologize for how you treated her at the bar last week.”    
  
Catra balked at Scorpia. “What?”    
  
Scorpia had never tried to make her apologize before. This was new and she didn’t like it.   
  
“You were mean, Catra. And she could be really hurt. Also you can’t drive and we can’t just stay on the road like this.”    
  
“There’s no one out here!” Catra argued, throwing her arms up.    
  
“Out!” Scorpia insisted, shoving Catra towards the passenger side door. 

  
“Oh my god,” Catra muttered. “Fine. I’ll go make sure she’s not dead. But that’s  _ it! _ ”    
  
Scorpia seemed to accept that and made a shooing motion with her hand.    
  
Just before Catra shut the door, she heard Scorpia talking to Entrapta.    
  
“I think you’re right, Entrapta, she definitely likes-” And Catra slammed the door as hard as she could, making the whole vehicle shake. “Oh...Oops. Sorry Catra.”    
  
It was none of their damn business, she wished they’d stop talking about it. All week they questioned Catra about Adora. All week she hadn’t been able to convince them of her hatred. They seemed convinced that Catra had made a new friend and she was just being stubborn. Annoyance flared in her chest at the thought and she kicked a stone hard enough to send it flying into the ditch. She heard a hidden bird squawk its displeasure.   
  
Dust rose around the car and heat beat down on Catra’s back as she made her way back to where Adora had fallen.  _ Christ, _ it was hot.    
  
Not fifteen seconds into her walk back towards the scene of Adora’s most recent accident, she heard Scorpia scream:    
  
“ **_COWS_ ** ! ENTRAPTA LOOK! THERE ARE COWS!”   
  


The engine roared back to life, taking off down the road towards the farm that sat a small ways in the distance, leaving a trail of dust in their wake. There were indeed cows grazing in one of the pastures near the buildings on the property.    
  
_ Fucking incredible, they left me here. Now I have to walk. _ Catra groaned and looked up at the sky, at the blazing sun that was already making her sweat just standing there.    
  
“Let’s just get this over with,” she grumbled to herself, continuing towards the stallion, who still stood where he’d stopped.    
  


Catra still couldn’t see Adora, which meant she hadn’t gotten up yet. Another pang of worry that Catra had to stuff back down into a box.   
  
The stallion stood peacefully, his tail swaying back and forth. The gaze of the horse unsettled her and Catra had to steady her resolve to walk towards him. He was much, much bigger when she wasn’t in a car. Now that she was almost right next to him, he towered over her. One great big white murder machine with hooves. Cool.   
  
Catra nearly jumped out of her skin when he snorted loudly, shaking his head to rid it of flies and ducking his head back into the grass to eat more of it.    
  
She found Adora laying on her back staring at the sky, looking disgruntled and frustrated. She didn’t look too worse for wear though. Her shirt was mud and grass stained, and there were a few scrapes up her side, but Catra supposed that was lucky. She felt the worry she’d been ignoring dissipate, replaced with relief.    
  
“Swift Wind, I’m going to sell you to the circus.” Adora grumbled, still laying in the grass.    
  
The stallion said nothing. Obviously.    
  
“Hey, Adora.” Catra called, almost having to force the words out from between her teeth.    
  
Adora sat up almost comically fast, looking startled. Grass falling out of her hair and off of her back as she twisted to see where the voice had come from. Her eyes, somehow even bluer out here in the daylight, landed on her. How are her eyes  _ so _ blue?   
  
“Scorpia made me get out to make sure you’re not dead. Which you’re not.”    
  
“Nope, not dead.” Adora nodded and her shocked expression morphed into a smile, “It’s nice to see you again.”    
  
Catra sneered and looked away. Focusing instead on a grasshopper that was crawling over some grass near her feet.    
  
Adora frowned and glanced back towards the road. “Uh, didn’t you have a car?”   
  
“I did,” Catra nodded, “but I guess Scorpia saw cows or whatever and forgot that she’s my ride.”    
  
“I can give you a ride back if you want.” Adora offered, getting to her feet and brushing a combination of dust, small stones, and grass off of her legs. Her long, tanned, surprisingly strong looking legs. The only evidence left of her burn wounds was a large messy patch of skin that was lighter than the rest. Like all her other scars, it seemed to have healed well. Catra hadn’t had the same graces. Of course that had worked out for Adora.    
  
Catra grunted and looked away again. “No thanks, I don’t do horses. Besides, I just watched you eat dirt.”    
  
Adora blushed a little at that and began fiddling with a strand of her hair. “That doesn’t happen a lot, you just startled me.”    
  
“Sure it doesn’t, Princess.”    
  
“Hey!” Adora protested in a voice a few pitches higher than usual, her shoulders slumping.    
  
“Doesn’t it?”   
  
“No!” Her voice had actually gotten higher.    
  
“If you say so, Princess.” Catra smirked, folding her arms over her chest.    
  
Adora sighed loudly through her nose and turned to start walking down the road. Catra noticed that she was barefoot.   
  
“Don’t you own shoes?” Catra commented, staring at the other girls feet as they began down the dirt road.    
  
Swift Wind the horse followed behind Adora obediently like a dog. Catra tried not to think about it, but nerves prickled in her stomach.   
  
“Well, duh.” Adora snorted. “I just don’t like riding with shoes on.”    
  
Catra winced at her next thought, “Aren’t you worried about that thing crushing your feet?”    
  
“Not really, I’ve only been stepped on twice and the casts weren't  _ that _ bad...”    
  
“You really never learn, do you?” Catra snorted, looking away to the other side of the road to hide her amused smile. She shouldn’t be amused, she should be furious.

And she was a little, but mostly this felt familiar and it was too hot to stay mad right this second. She decided she’d be mad later. Shade first, then all encompassing fury.   
  
Adora laughed a little and patted Swift Winds neck, keeping her hand there as they walked side by side. “No, I guess I don’t.”    
  
Catra glanced down at her feet again, and then at the sharp gravel of the dirt road.    
  
“Doesn’t that hurt?”    
  
“So much.” Adora nodded without missing a beat.   
  
Catra rolled her eyes and rubbed her arm. “Dumbass.”   
  
The farm’s driveway was getting closer.    
  
Adora looks away, studying a tangle in her stallion’s mane, “Hey, Catra, I’m-”    
  


Catra tensed, her hands curling into fists. Irritation made her chest tight and she fought to keep her voice steady.

  
“Save it. I’m only here because Scorpia made me and we need the money.”    
  
Adora falls silent, looking hurt. The kicked puppy reaction was already tiring. The rest of the walk to the farm’s main property is hot and strained. Neither of them talk. The only sounds were their feet on the dirt and the cicadas music buzzing through the air.    
Catra took the time to observe what she was walking into, and holy shit. Catra hadn’t really looked at what they were headed towards yet, but now that she had she was completely taken by surprise.    
  
Catra had been expecting to be coming to some dingy run down little crap hole in the middle of some rotting field. Tires and trash everywhere. A stray dog eating a dead cat maybe. A pathetic shack of a house that may have been blown over in the next wind storm. That’s not what Bright Moon Meadows was.    
  
The first thing she noticed was the farm house, which honestly probably could have passed as a small mansion. It was tall, and white. Sunlight glinted off all the windows, and swaths of vines grew up trellis’ that were placed strategically between the windows. It really could have passed for something out of a Hollywood film.    
  
Behind it were luscious green and rolling pastures, cows scattered throughout them and lazily eating the grass, not a care in the world. Catra wondered what that felt like. Off to the side of the farmhouse sat a massive barn, stretched long and low. That thing must have housed all the cows, plus a small herd of elephants, Catra thought. Next to the larger barn, sat a much smaller one. It was just as nice looking, but inside the open sliding doors Catra could see some horses sticking their heads out of their stalls. Everything was a crisp shade of white, accented by a navy blue.   
  
In front of the farm house was a huge lawn, scattered with multiple flower gardens and massive, ancient looking oak trees. The spread of their branches breaking up the hot afternoon sun and casting the ground in pleasant looking dappled shadows. Everything was being attended to by gardeners or farm hands. Catra wasn’t quite sure what they were, but they were everywhere. Running around and keeping everything pretty and cared for.    
  
Surrounding the property and dividing the pastures was a freshly painted white wooden fence, it really tied the whole ‘country home magazine’ look together. Fuck, they were going to preform here? They’d really have to step up their game.   
  
Adora pushed open the gate at the end of the driveway and let her horse walk past her. He nickered loudly, making Catra wince before racing off towards the hands working in the stables. They greeted the stallion with familiarity and one of them passed him something that Catra thought might be an apple, but they didn’t put him into any enclosure or stall.    
  
“Do you let all your animals run rampant?” Catra scoffed, glancing back over at Adora.    
  
She wasn’t watching Swift Wind though, she was staring at Catra. Catra felt her nose crinkle in distaste.    
  
“What?”    
  
“Nothing.” Adora answered quickly, her blue eyes flicking away. “Uh. He just doesn’t like being inside a fence. Everyone has just kind of accepted it.”    
  
“What horse cares if it’s inside a fence or not?” Catra asked, raising an eyebrow at Adora. “Don’t they just eat all day?”   
  
Adora shrugged, “Swift Wind likes to wander.”    
  
“Aren’t you worried someone’s going to get like. Killed. Or something?”    
  
Adora laughed at that and Catra frowned, torn between irritation and a smile.    
  
“Swift Wind wouldn’t hurt a fly. Come on, Glimmer and Bow are waiting inside. Your friends too, probably.”    
  
Catra wasn’t sure about that, she’d just seen Adora get thrown off his back not that long ago but she didn’t care enough to argue. She looked towards the farm house, it’s white walls and wrap around porch, what seemed like millions of windows and countless flower gardens, and she felt intimidated. She’d never been anywhere this nice in her entire life. She felt like her presence alone was contaminating this place.   
  
“They just let you come here whenever you want?” Catra asked, trying to keep the awe out of her voice.   
  
Adora chuckled, “I live here, Catra.”    
  
“What? Mara doesn’t live  _ here _ . Don’t lie to me.” Catra almost hissed, but found herself taken aback by Adora’s reaction.    
  
Catra had known Mara when they were kids, and while Mara seemed well put together -at least when they were kids- she definitely wasn’t this wealthy.    
  
“No, she doesn’t.” Her voice got quiet, and her shoulders tensed. Her eyes were trained solely on the front door of the house, which they had almost arrived at.    
  
Did she look… pained? Offended? Guilty? Catra couldn’t tell because Adora had adorned a mask before she could figure it out.    
  
Catra halted at the front door, and so did Adora. Her hand on the silver handle of the fly screen door. “Then where..?”    
  
“Dead.” Adora’s voice was hard and guarded, her eyes not meeting Catra’s.    
  
“Oh, shit. Adora, I didn’t-” Catra winced as Adora pulled the screen door open and stepped into the house before she could finish. She left it open for Catra, but she still felt stung. Taste of her own medicine, she supposed.   
  
When had Mara died? Catra didn’t remember her well, just that she’d been a close friend to Adora’s parents, that she was as kind as anyone could be, and that she’d taken Adora away from her. Catra actually felt a little guilty that she’d spent so many years being angry at Mara for that when Mara wasn’t even around anymore to answer Catra's feelings of betrayal.    
  
Catra sighed and wiped some of the sweat off her forehead as she stepped through the door after Adora.    
  
She wasn’t about to admit it to anyone, but she actually felt bad for Adora. If she knew anything, it was how hard it was to lose someone like that. Adora had lost her parents, and the lost Mara. That can’t have been easy.   
  
Catra found it hard to hold onto her anger, but she gripped it a little tighter.    
  
She wasn’t ready to forgive it, not ready to forgive Adora. 


	7. Chapter 7

* * *

_"Wish you could take my hand_

_I wouldn't take your touch for granted,_

_'cause now i feel how bad it hurts_

_not to have it"_

* * *

Adora joined Bow and Glimmer in the spacious living room, in view of the front door so Catra wouldn’t get lost, but she hadn’t needed to worry about that because she was hyper aware of Catra just behind her.   
  
“Hey! You made it!” Adora recognized Scorpia’s voice and saw her sitting cross legged on the floor by the long, glass coffee table.   
  
Glimmer and Bow sat on the love seat up against the wall, and Entrapta was leaning precariously over its side, looking dangerously close to falling off as she wrote furiously in the same note book Adora had seen her have in the bar.   
  
“Yeah, thanks for making sure I was okay.” Adora smiled, sitting down on the floor next to her.   
  
“Oh yeah, no problem. It looked like a bad one. Are you okay? No broken bones? You look okay. I’m so glad. How was Catra? Did she behave?”   
  
Adora blinked, a little taken aback by the small onslaught but she had to laugh. “Yeah, I’m fine. Catra was fine.”   
  
“No thanks to you, Scorpia. Cows, was it?” Catra’s sneer joined the conversation. Scorpia just bashfully rubbed the back of her head in response.   
  
“What do you mean, ‘are you okay’?” Bow demanded, sitting up straighter and staring at Adora.   
  
Adora smiled bashfully and rubbed the back of her head. “I fell off of Swift Wind.”   
  
“Again?” Glimmer sounded tired, and Adora couldn’t blame her.   
  
“Yeah, it was quite the sight to see. That horse launched her like a canon.” Catra’s voice was thick with tease, making Adora wince. Reminded again of her embarrassing fall in front of her childhood friend. Couldn’t she come off as cool, just once?   
  
“Look, I’m not hurt. It was an accident. Everyone falls off their horse from time-to-time. Let's just move on.” Adora smiled reassuringly at Bow who was still understandably giving her the stink-eye.   
  
Catra dropped herself lazily onto one of the many cushioned chairs in the spacious room. She peered slowly around, what she was looking for though, Adora wasn’t sure. She certainly didn’t seem to care that the place wasn’t hers to just sprawl out in. A fact that didn’t go unnoticed by Glimmer, whose expression changed from friendly to displeased the second Catra had sat down.   
  
“Does she do that a lot?” Catra asked, beginning to inspect her nails. Her voice was slow and full of an ulterior motive. Adora wasn’t sure why Catra was asking, she’d know Adora as a kid. It’s not like Adora hadn’t always been this way. She felt her face grow hotter.   
  
“Adora has been known to be a little accident prone.” Glimmer sighed, seeming to let go of Catra’s subtle disrespect. For now anyways.   
  
“A little?” Bow grumbled, staring hard at Adora who stuck her tongue out at him. “The medical team at the hospital know her by name. It’s always something easily avoided, too.”   
  
“Hey, I told you that boulder came out of nowhere.”   
  
“You came home needing _thirty_ stitches, Adora!”   
  
“Only thirty! That’s nothing!” Adora exclaimed, throwing her arms into the air. “And besides, that was years ago. I haven’t needed to go to the ER in like, months.”   
  
Adora glanced at Catra who was smirking at her from across the room and she felt her face grow hot with embarrassment. She wondered how hot her face could get before she spontaneously combusted out of sheer embarrassment.   
  
Bow harrumphed but let it go. Adora knew he only worried about her.

  
“Anyways,” Glimmer spoke with a tone of subtle annoyance. “Scorpia sent me a list of stuff that they could play a few days ago. We went through it, here-”   
  
Adora’s eyes followed the sheet of paper as it was passed to Catra, whose eyes scanned the page carefully. She seemed to look a little… disappointed almost. Why wouldn’t they enjoy playing songs that they’d originally picked out in the first place?   
  
Catra caught Adora staring and her face hardened , she passed the paper roughly in front of Adora’s face to Scorpia who took it and read the list as well. Entrapta seemed to be in a completely different world, showing Bow something on her phone and muttering in excited whispers to each other. Adora couldn’t help but smile at that. Bow had always had a special interest in technology. She was glad he had someone to talk to about it now.   
  
“Sounds good to us,” Catra agreed, though she hadn’t completely lost the disappointed look in her eyes. Adora wasn’t sure anyone else noticed it. “You have a place for us to set up?”   
  
“Yeah, we’ll show you shortly. We just wanted to wait for you two.” Glimmer nodded, “We were also wondering if you’d be willing to play a bit today, just so we can hear you live? We’ve only heard you recorded and Bow is super excited to hear you.”   
  
Bow looked up from Entrapta’s phone and smiled, waving at them all and then immediately getting distracted by something new on Entrapta’s screen.   
  
Adora smiled again, glancing back towards Catra who she caught staring. Catra’s eyes flashed bright with an emotion Adora couldn’t name and she sneered. It was probably annoyance. Adora tried not to feel too put out by that.   
  
“Oh, yeah!” Scorpia’s excitement right in Adora’s ear made her jump. “This place is so cool, I bet Entrapta could really do some cool stuff with the sound and lights. And Catra’s probably going to sound amazing out here. I know you’ve already heard it but man, our Wild Cat has some serious skill.”   
  
Adora bit her lip and tried not to laugh at Catra’s nickname. “Wild Cat?”   
  
“Shut up, Adora.” Catra snapped, shrinking into her seat and scowling at a hole in her pant leg.   
  
Adora may have been hurt by Catra’s tone, but she was too amused.   
  
“What about you, Scorpia? I’m sure you’re great too.” Adora touched Scorpia’s shoulder gently.   
  
She was met with a surprised expression, eyes widening and suddenly getting watery. Oh no, was she going to cry? Adora kept the smile on her face but she was afraid she’d accidentally upset Scorpia.   
  
“That’s so nice of you to say.” Scorpia’s voice sounded a little watery as well and Adora fought the urge to back away.   
  
She should have listened to her gut because a half a second later, Scorpia had engulfed Adora in a rib cracking bear hug. The woman's surprisingly muscular arms trapping her.   
  
She wheezed and patted Scorpia’s back gently. “Yeah, no problem.”   
  
Adora could hear Catra snickering behind them so she forced her way out of Scorpia’s sudden embrace.   
  
Did Scorpia not see herself as a valued part of the band? Adora didn’t know much about them as a group - she still hadn’t gotten around to checking the links she’d been sent- but she was pretty sure that every member of a band played an important role in some way or another.   
  
Glimmer and Bow both looked like they were trying not to laugh and Adora sighed, getting back to her feet. “Okay. Just go show them where your parents set up the band stand.” Adora grumbled, gesturing back towards the front door.   
  
One by one the group stood up and made their way back out onto the front porch and then out onto the sprawling lawn.   
  
Adora stayed behind on the porch to struggle into her shoes now that she didn’t have a horse underneath her to keep her feet out of the gravel. She was just about to start jogging to catch up when she noticed Catra was leaning against one of the porch pillars a few feet away from her.   
  
Up until now Adora hadn’t had a good view of Catra’s tattoo, somehow she’d managed to have it facing away from her since she’d gotten out of the car back on the road. Now Adora could see it clearly. Catra’s tank top hid very little; the muted colours winding straight up Catra’s arm and onto her shoulder and back. Adora didn’t know flowers very well, but they were pretty; that much Adora could say for certain. There was some kind of skull tucked into the foliage halfway up her upper arm. A cat? A few more, smaller bird skulls were nestled and almost hidden in the petals of the plants on her forearm. It was… Really nice. Adora flitted her gaze away from it when she felt her cheeks starting to warm.   
  
“Why aren’t you with everyone else?” Adora asked, stepping back up onto the porch steps to stand next to Catra.   
  
Catra didn’t answer right away, her wonderfully multicoloured eyes were catching the afternoon sunlight, almost making them seem like they glowed. Adora found herself remembering all the summers they’d spent together in the past, and felt her heart squeeze painfully.   
  
“Why’d you do it, Adora?”   
  
Adora frowned, confused. “Do what?”   
  
Catra shifted her weight, “Don’t play dumb with me. Why’d you do it?”   
  
“Catra, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”   
  
Anger flashed in Catra’s eyes and she tensed, gripping the pillar. Adora saw some of the white paint chip off and flutter gently to the ground.   
  
“You left, Adora! You left me behind! I just want to know why you didn’t come back.” Catra’s voice sounded strained and choked with emotion.   
  
Adora was caught off guard. Is that what Catra thought? That Adora made the choice to leave and never come back? Did she remember nothing?   
  
“Is that what you think? Catra, you know I wanted to, right?”   
  
Catra scoffed and stepped off the porch, but Adora wasn’t done and she reached out to grab Catra’s arm without thinking. Catra lashed out immediately and shoved Adora backwards, Catra’s elbow catching her under the chin and dull pain exploded in her teeth as her jaw was forced shut with a _snap._ Adora gasped in pain and surprise, reaching up to massage what was surely going to become a bruise by the evening.

“Don’t touch me.” Catra growled, staring down at Adora with a furious unblinking expression. 

“Catra, please listen to me.” Adora pleaded, starting to get back up again. Almost reaching for Catra again, but didn’t. 

“What is there to listen to? It won’t change anything.” Catra brought her arms around herself and Adora was struck by how quickly she went from angry to hurt. She had to remind herself that they were often one in the same with Catra. 

Adora fought to keep her voice steady, but her throat was starting to feel tight. “I never wanted to leave you. You _know_ that. Please. Just listen to me.” 

Catra’s shoulders stiffened and she glared at the ground. She stayed silent but didn’t try to leave again. Adora took that as permission to keep talking. 

“I wanted to come back, Catra. I missed you so much. I just. There was no way to do that out here. ” 

Catra seemed to hug herself tighter, her eyebrows furrowed deep. Adora wished she knew what she was thinking. 

“You promised me. You promised we would always be friends. But you never even called.” 

Adora winced, the shaky quality to Catra’s voice made her knees feel weak and she reluctantly sat back down. She had to take a long moment to collect herself, to force back the urge to cry. She tried hard to push the memories of Catra’s cries as Mara had driven her away.

“Mara was dirt poor. She didn’t have a phone.” Adora muttered tiredly, placing her head in her hands. 

“What about your prissy pink friends here?”

“Angella didn’t understand why I wanted the phone so bad , she made us stay outside during the summer so we’d have ‘rounded childhoods’, or whatever. I tried to sneak in once, but I got caught and kicked back out. Angella almost didn’t let me come back over after that. I’d only known Glimmer for a week at that point, so I guess that was a fair she felt that way. But Catra, I tried everything I could think of.” Adora glanced up at Catra who was watching her with an unknowable expression. 

She bit her lip, and then continued. “I begged Mara to take me back to visit you, but she didn't have the money for the gas. I begged Glimmer’s dad to take me too, but he just told me to go play with Glimmer and Bow instead. I even… tried to walk once.”

Catra raised an eyebrow at Adora, hesitantly sitting down on the steps next to Adora, but not too close. She was only a foot away, but it felt like an ocean.

“You tried to walk all the way back to Thaymor?” Her tone was incredulous, but her shoulders seemed to relax just a little.

“Yeah, I think I almost died. It’s a fuzzy memory. It was hot and I thought…I don’t know what I was thinking. I just wanted to see you. I woke up in the back of an ambulance.” 

Adora remembered her stone cold determination to go back and see Catra. She’d left early in the morning before Mara was awake so that she wouldn’t get caught. She’d somehow gotten it into her head that it would only take a couple of hours to walk back to her old home, but it was well into her second day of walking in the blistering summer heat that, without water, she’d collapsed. Adora had been so lucky that someone had seen her body lying in the ditch, or she might not have come back at all. 

“I’m sorry Catra, I should have tried harder.” Adora murmured, burying her face back in her hands. 

“You’re an idiot.” Catra scoffed. 

Adora looked up. Catra’s expression was still hard, pained, confused. She was staring at some of the farm hands digging holes to plant some new flowers for the party. Adora couldn’t not notice the tears forming in Catra’s eyes. 

“Yeah.” Adora agreed sullenly, looking away. 

“I can’t believe you did that.” Catra huffed, and Adora almost sighed because she thought it was another jab, but her voice softened. “You almost got your ass killed trying to _walk_ back to Thaymor. Adora, that’s like. Well I don’t know exactly, but that’s a super long way. Too far to walk on that bum leg of yours.”

“I never said it was a good idea.” Adora sighed, feeling the edge of her mouth twitch upwards. 

Catra smirked, and Adora breathed a laugh. 

“If you were so upset that I never managed to reach you, how come you didn’t try to reach me?” 

Catra tensed and any progress they made seemed to regress back into a hard expression and tense posture. Adora was worried she’d said something wrong and she started to apologize, but Catra cut her off.

“Who said I didn’t?” Catra stared hard for a long agonizing moment, then seemed to relax again. “I didn’t know where you went. I knew you went with Mara, but after you were gone there was no one left who knew where Mara lived.” 

Adora’s heart squeezed painfully in her chest. That’s right, because both their parents were dead. The knowledge had gone up in flames, just everything else. 

“I’ve really missed you.” Adora found herself speaking without thinking, and she almost apologized for it. 

“Yeah.” Catra didn’t elaborate, but Adora heard what she didn’t say. _Catra had missed her too._

Adora and Catra sat in silence for several minutes. She did her best to ignore when Catra tried to stealthily wipe her eyes. 

“We should find the others.” Catra got up abruptly, dusting off her already clean pant legs. She waited for Adora to stand, which made Adora smile. Maybe they weren’t completely hopeless after all.

Catra had a fleck of paint from the porch stuck to the skin of her tattooed shoulder and Adora instinctively reached out to brush it off. Catra’s skin was cool and rough with scarring, despite the heat and she could feel the tense muscles under her fingers just as Catra pulled away. The gesture earned Adora a glare, but Adora just offered a smile and waved for Catra to follow her to the band stand that was nestled on the other side of the cow barn. 

  
Adora was pleased when Catra didn’t trail behind or several feet away, but instead walked next to Adora. Her fingers still tingling from where she’d touched Catra’s skin.   
  
Adora risked another look at her old friend and saw Catra was rubbing where she’d been touched. Adora wondered if sometimes Catra’s scarred shoulder bothered her. Her expression was distant, thoughts miles away from where they were. Adora smiled to herself and looked ahead. The sunlight filtered through the trees above them, and the sound of her friends laughing in the distance and the familiarity of Catra walking next to her lifted her spirits.


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

_"I said remember this feeling  
I passed the pictures around  
Of all the years that we stood there on the sidelines  
Wishing for right now"_

* * *

Catra and Adora sat on the front step of Children’s Services. They were right up against each other despite the hot summer air, Catra’s arms around Adora’s middle and her fingers tangled in the fabric of Adora’s shirt. Adora had an arm around Catra’s shoulder, and her head rested on top of Catra’s. They had both been crying, tear stains on both their faces. The drying salt had made Catra’s cheeks itch, but she didn’t move to rub it away. They’d just found out that morning that Adora was going to go live with her godmother, far away. Catra wouldn’t be going with her.    
  
Adora sniffed and her grip on Catra’s shoulder tightened. Catra hiccoughed and turned her face into Adora’s neck. The warmth of her skin against Catra’s cheek made her feel a little better. But only a little.    
  
All around them adults were talking and signing paperwork. Hushed voiced and pitying glances at the two new orphans on the cold concrete steps of the worn down city block. Just an hour ago, some lady neither of them recognized had come in to wake the two girls up from their tangled sleep. Asking Adora to come speak to her for a moment in the hallway.    
Catra had panicked, she didn’t want to be alone. Adora had smiled at her and squeezed her hand, promising she’d be back in a minute. Catra had reluctantly let go of Adora’s fingers and withdrawn back under the sheets of their temporary bed. They didn’t provide the same security that Adora’s warmth and presence had.    
  
Catra had been left alone with her thoughts for several minutes, reliving again and again the burning of the smoke in her lungs and the smell of burning flesh. She’d started crying again when she saw the charred face of her dad pinned under a pile of burning rubble rise out of the turbulent smoke of her memories.    
  
She was yanked out of her thoughts when she heard Adora screaming on the other side of the door she’d left through.    
  
“ **NO!** I don’t  **WANT TO!** You can’t make me! I’m going to stay with Catra!” Adora’s voice rang clearly through the thin walls. Catra could hear a muffled voice trying to hush Adora, but she just got loud again.    
  
“I don’t care! I won’t go!”    
  
Adora had come storming back into the room, slamming the door behind her so loud that it hurt Catra’s ears and made what few pictures there were on the walls rattle. She pulled the blanket closer against her shoulders and watched Adora angrily kick the door with her good leg.    
  
“What’s wrong?” Catra asked, anxiety bubbling in her stomach.    
  
Adora didn’t answer right away. She limped back over to the bed and tugged at the edge of Catra’s blanket for permission to come back in. Catra opened up her little cocoon and Adora climbed back in beside her. Sniffling now and curling up into Catra’s side. Her fist balling at Catra’s collar. Anxiety burned brighter inside of her, threatening to make her cry as well.   
  
“They said that Mara is coming to get me.” Adora whispered quietly into the crook of Catra’s neck. “Me, but not you.”    
  
Catra wasn’t sure what she’d heard was real. “Can’t I just go with you?”    
  
Adora shook her head hesitantly and her fingers gripped Catra’s shirt tighter. The fabric pulled on the bandages over Catra’s burns and she winced, but didn’t pull away.    
  
Tears welled back up in Catra’s eyes and she felt them begin to fall into their laps. “I’m going to go with you. They can’t stop me.”    
  
“She said that you’re going somewhere else. She wouldn’t tell me where. She said that you would be taken care of. I said they can’t make me go without you. I’m going to stay here with you.”    
  
They’d both been pulled out of the room shortly after, though they didn’t try to separate the pair. They’d been asked to put on some clean clothes, given some food, and were now outside waiting for Mara to arrive.    
  
The whole time, Adora and Catra hadn’t been further than a few inches from each other. Always touching. Holding hands, touching shoulders, their ankles tangled together under a table.    
  
Catra was lost in her thoughts again when she felt Adora’s grip get painfully tight. She looked up and saw a new car pulling up onto the curb. Catra watched as the familiar, tall figure of Mara climbed out of the car. Her normally bright blue eyes looked grey and sad. They were rimmed with red, like she’d been crying. That made sense, she supposed. Adora’s parents had been her friends forever. Now they were gone. There was a sick irony to this.   
  
Realization dawned on her seconds later, Mara was here to take Adora. Panic welled in her chest and she somehow managed to scoot closer to Adora’s side, despite already being practically glued together. Adora was shaking in her arms. Or Was Catra the one who had begun shaking?    
  
Mara was getting closer and Catra had started to cry again. She tightened her grip on Adora.    
  
“Hey guys,” Mara’s voice sounded rough and tired, like she’d been crying too. “I’m so glad you’re both okay. I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”    
  
Neither of them said anything. Adora’s tears soaked into the fabric of Catra’s shirt, she could feel the dampness of them on her skin.    
  
“Are you ready to go, Adora?” Mara’s voice was gentle. Catra found it hard to be angry, but she managed to shoot Mara a hard expression anyways.    
  
“Please don’t make me go.” Adora’s broken voice next to Catra’s ear made her shrink further into herself.    
  
Mara looks sympathetic and sits herself down on the steps next to Adora. Her arm comes around them both though, her nimble fingers touching Catra’s head. Catra might be comforted by the touch if she weren’t so upset that Mara being here meant saying goodbye to Adora.    
  
“I’m sorry, sweetie. We have to.” Mara's voice is soft, but there’s an edge to it that makes Catra think she’s going to start crying again.    
  
“Catra has to come too.” Adora’s voice got louder, and Catra starred in desperation at Mara.    
_   
_ _ Please don’t make her go. Please take me with you. Don’t leave me here alone. _ _   
  
_

Mara peered over Adora’s head at Catra, her eyes bright with tears and regret. “I wish she could, sweetie, but you know I can’t. I’m not allowed to.”    
  
Adora shoved Mara away, the motion jarring Catra as well. Mara leaned away from them looking hurt. Her hand went to her mouth and she stared hopelessly at the pair. Her pained eyes glanced up at the protective service workers, who shook their heads ‘no’. Mara seemed to deflate even further.    
  
“I’m sorry.” Mara brought her arms around them both and squeezed them tight. Catra choked back a sob and Adora kept sniffling. The three of them sat like that for a little while, and then Mara let go. Her arm resting on Adora’s.    
  
“We have to get going, I don’t want to drive in the dark.” Catra glanced upwards towards the sky. It was still mid-morning. Just how far away did Mara live?   
  
Adora yanked her arm away and replaced it back against Catra. Another pair of hands came from behind and pulled gently at Catra’s shoulders and she panicked, digging her fingers into Adora’s skin in an effort to stay by her side.    
  
“No!” Catra cried out, tears falling off of her face in a steady stream.    
  
Adora was being pulled away from her in the opposite direction, she could feel Adora’s nails scratching at the skin of her waist as she also tried desperately to hang on.    
  
“No! I said I’m not going!” Adora screamed, kicking at Mara’s legs.    
  
“I’m so sorry, Adora, we have to go.” Mara’s voice had broken, her face was wet with tears.    
  
Catra made a desperate grasp at Adora as the mystery pair of hands pulled her harder, catching her wrist. Adora gripped back with iron strength. Mara had her arms around Adora’s middle and was pulling as hard as she could without hurting either of them, Catra felt the absence of Adora’s heat like a cold and bitter December wind, and she gripped harder. The mystery person’s arms moved to also wrap around Catra’s middle, lifting her away as she kicked and screamed at them to let go.    
  
“Adora!” Catra cried out, losing her grip on Adora’s hand. Adora was staring at her with wide eyes. Catra would never forget how desperate and broken her eyes were. Her face soaked with tears. It was getting hard to see through them.   
  
A final tug from both of their captors and they lost their grip on each other. Catra continued to scream and kick, landing several blows but they still didn’t let her go.    
  
Catra was powerless as she was forced to watch Mara half drag, half carry Adora to her car. Adora was fighting just as hard as Catra had been, even using her injured leg to kick. Catra knew how much that must have hurt, because Catra was also using her injured arm to swing around and try to hit her captor.   
  
“Catra!” She sobbed, clawing at Mara’s arms as she was forced into the back of the vehicle. She tried several times to slip out under Mara’s arms as her seat belt was done up, but she failed. 

Mara shut the door and locked the car. She cast a look back at Catra who was still trying to kick her way free.    
  
“Please!” Catra screamed, her voice ragged and raw with anguish. “Please don’t go!”    
  
Mara looked away, speed walking to the drivers side and climbing in, rubbing furiously at her eyes.    
  
Adora slammed her fists against the back window, but it must have been child locked because she couldn’t get out. Catra could hear her muffled cries even from here.    
  
Mara started the car and Adora’s eyes widened even further, bashing her fists as hard as she could against the glass. The car started to pull out into the street.    
  
Catra landed a good kick and whoever had been holding onto her dropped her with a pained grunt. Catra didn’t look back. She tore down the steps and into the street like a bat out of hell. Chasing the car as fast as she could, but it was hopeless. Catra chased it as far as she could, Adora’s face pressed up against the back windshield and staring at Catra, clearly still yelling but Catra couldn’t hear it anymore.    
  
Then she was gone.    
  
Catra collapsed in the middle of a deserted intersection. Her feet were raw and bleeding from running on the asphalt.    
  
“ **_Adoraaa!_ ** ” She screamed her voice hoarse, her voice echoing down the street. 

But Adora didn't answer. 

  
  
  
  


Catra’s shoulder itched where she’d felt the warm touch of Adora’s calloused fingers. Their talk on the front porch of the farmhouse had simultaneously made Catra feel raw and comforted at the same time. She wanted to still feel angry, to yell at Adora for all the years of loneliness and pain that she’d left in her wake. The months following Adora’s goodbye -if she could really call it a proper goodbye- had been the hardest of her young life. Catra had to be carried back to the child services office. Her feet had been dripping with blood, and she’d had to go back to the hospital and practically catatonic with grief. She hadn’t been able to stand on them the next day.    
  
Catra rubbed her shoulder absently, trying to forget the feeling of Adora’s gentle touch.    
  
She’d spent several years in a foster home. It hadn’t been bad, the foster parents had taken good care of her. They’d tried their best to guide her through her grief and loneliness. Through her turbulent years in high school. Through one horrible trip to the ER after Catra had accidentally drank too much trying to drown her pain. They’d even bought her a second hand guitar when Catra started showing an interest in music. But Catra had never had it easy forming bonds with other people, so she always felt like an outsider looking in. She saw them reaching for her, but she didn’t know how to let them in. Didn’t want to try. For the first year, all she wanted was Adora to come back. But she never heard anything from her, and her resentment had grown like a thorny weed between her ribs. Catra had moved out the second she turned eighteen, and she’d never looked back.    
  
Now that she knew why Adora hadn’t gotten in touch and Catra wasn’t sure what to do with that information. Hearing that Adora had almost died trying to get back to Catra had really been an eye opener. Hearing Adora confess, it had melted some of the ice that had built around her heart over the years. She’d actually tried to get back. She just couldn’t do it. Adora may have missed Catra just as much as Catra had missed Adora.   
  
Catra was still angry. Still furious. Her blood still threatened to boil and the hurt thrived inside her chest. But she wasn't sure it was Adora she was mad at anymore.    
  
She remembered Adora’s expression through the back window of Mara’s car as they drove away.    
  
Catra felt hollow.    
  
  
Adora led Catra to where every one else was milling about on a temporary stage setup. It wasn’t as fancy as Catra had been afraid of. Just a simple platform. Clean and new looking, but simple. In the same area there were several tables set up, folding chairs were resting up against the barn’s sides. It was a huge area, and Catra imagined that there would be a lot of people here tomorrow night. She suddenly understood why Scopria had dragged them out a day early, because there was absolutely no electrical equipment set up. Something that seemed to be making Entrapta run around like a maniac, checking out all her options. Catra wondered idly if she’d been some kind of super smart squirrel in a past life.   
  
“Hey,” Adora’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts. But she wasn’t talking to Catra. “What do you guys think?”    
  
“I think it’s perfect.” Catra nodded, the words out of her mouth before she could stop them.    
  
She almost wished she had; Adora was beaming at her from her side. Almost.    
  
“This is amazing. Thank you so much for letting us play here.” Scorpia’s sincere voice floated up from behind a pile of speakers and cases of equipment. Catra made her way over to the haphazard stack of super expensive equipment that they couldn’t afford to replace in a million years, and sat on the smallest speaker. Rooting through the pile at her feet for her guitar case. It was the same beat up electric guitar that her foster parents had given her. She never had the money to buy a new one, but that didn’t matter to her. She loved this guitar. She’d scratched her name into the enamel when she was seventeen. It was hers.   
  
Adora was watching her from the other side of the stage but when Catra looked up and noticed, Adora blushed furiously and turned back to Glimmer and Bow. Together they seemed to be telling Entrapta where she could and couldn't work, and then they split up.    
  
Catra reluctantly set her guitar down and the six of them worked the entire afternoon to set everything up so that they wouldn’t have to do it in the morning. Catra’s muscles burned with effort, carrying speakers and lights around. Scorpia handled the larger stuff of course, and Entrapta was absolutely covered in a combination of grass, spiderwebs, and stray wire. Adora had climbed up into one of the larger trees and was stringing some string lights through the lower branches. Glimmer and Bow pushed tables around so that they wouldn't be in the way, and seemed to bicker intermittently.    
  
The sun was nearing the horizon by the time they had all finished and Catra’s eyes and back burned with fatigue. She joined the rest of the crew on the edge of the stage. She was halfway through massaging her sore wrists when she noticed everyone’s eyes were trained on her hopefully. 

“What?” She snapped, feeling suddenly self conscious.    
  
Bow looked like he was going to implode trying to keep his smile contained. Glimmer sat next to him, her eyes bright and almost sparkling with, ugh, hope.    
  
“Will you play a song for us?” Bow asked, his voice shaking with barely contained glee.    
  
Catra opened her mouth to say no, but she caught a glimpse of Scorpia already getting up to grab her guitar for her. She groaned.   
  
“Yeah, I guess. Whatever. What do you want?”    
  
“Play whatever you want to.” Adora’s voice came from behind Glimmer, her eyes shining with knowing.    
  
Catra felt a little piece of hope flutter around in her chest. Whatever she wanted to? She glanced at Scorpia who was staring with wide eyed encouragement.    
  
Her hope was replaced with sudden anxiety. Oh god. She hadn’t sung something she actually liked since before Ms. Weaver had taken it upon herself to make their schedules.    
  
Catra found herself staring silently at the guitar in her hands, unable to come up with anything. She was about to give up and just let Scorpia pick when Adora spoke up again.    
  
“Okay, then how about that song we liked when we were kids?”    
  
Catra looked up and met her eyes. Adora was smiling softly, an expression Catra remembered from their childhood. She knew exactly what Adora meant. They’d spend hours looking at music online together whenever the weather was gross, tucked safely away in Catra’s bedroom. One day they’d found one that they both loved, and within the week they’d both had it memorized and would sing it together in their silly dramatic kid concerts. Catra wearing a blanket cape and Adora wearing a baseball cap stolen from her dad’s collection. They’d sing into spoons, often. Sometimes hairbrushes if they were feeling daring.The memory warmed her heart, and the fact that Adora still remembered made her smile. She forgot for a moment she was mad at Adora, and she nodded.   
  
She positioned herself carefully on the edge of the stage and gestured for everyone to give her space while she tuned her guitar.   
  
Scorpia and Entrapta had begun to get their stuff to join in but Catra gestured for them to sit as well. They both looked relieved, and exhausted. They nestled themselves on the grass in front of Catra. Adora sat almost right in the middle, between Bow and Glimmer. Glimmer tucked herself into Adora’s side with a familiarity that her and Catra no longer shared. The sight made her heart ache, and she focused on her fingers.    
  
She began to pluck the strings, surprised that the tune came back to her so easily. After a few moments, she’d found her rhythm and she settled into her performance.    
  
“ _ I said remember this moment, _

_ In the back of my mind, _ ”   
  
Catra’s voice came out shaky at first. Memories flooding her thoughts as she made it through the next few lines.    
  
“ _ The night you danced like you knew our lives _

_ Would never be the same _ ,”   
  
Catra began to get more comfortable as she entered the chorus, her eyes still down on her guitar.    
  
_ “Long live the walls we crashed through, _

_ All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you, _

_ I was screaming, ‘long live all the magic we made’ _

_ And bring on all the pretenders, _

_ One day … we will be remembered. _ ”

Catra chanced a glance up and saw that everyone’s eyes were trained on her. Adora’s eyes stood out the most. Her expression was a mask, her hand in Bow’s lap. Her fingers intertwined with his. Catra swallowed and looked down again.    
  
She made it through most of the song without too much of an issue, until she got near the end. The lyrics struck a chord as they escaped her throat.    
  
_ “Promise me this: _

_ That you'll stand by me forever, _

_ But if God forbid fate should step in _

_ And force us into a goodbye” _ _   
_

_   
_ Catra’s voice began to crack here, she fought to keep her voice steady.

_ “If you have children someday, _

_ When they point to the pictures _

_ Please tell them my name, _

_ Tell them how the crowds went wild _

_ Tell them how I hope they shine _

_ Long live the walls we crashed through _

_ I had the time of my life … with you… ” _

  
She wasn’t done with the song but she had to stop. She let the tune fade and she set the guitar down. Her throat felt thick with emotion and it took a lot of courage to look up and meet everyone’s eyes.    
  
Bow, Glimmer, Scorpia all looked bright eyed and excited. Entrapta clapped enthusiastically.    
  
Adora though, her mask had been replaced with a pained smile. Her startling blue eyes were wet with unshed tears. She joined Entrapta in her clapping, but it was slower.    
  
“That. Was. Incredible!” Bow breathed, his excitement bubbling over. He stood up so fast that Adora got knocked into Glimmer, who laughed at him.    
  
Catra smiled at his enthusiasm despite the ache in her chest. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd just like to take a sec to say I really love reading the comments being left, and i really appreciate all the Kudos <3 It motivates me to keep writing.

* * *

_"Keep me up and missing your touch and I want it I want it  
And I can hear her laughin' head on my chest  
Saying I don't ever wanna leave this bed  
Even with her gone I'm haunted I still hear her pillow talkin'"_

* * *

Catra had been given a bed in a spare bedroom, however so had Scorpia and Entrapta. The three of them crammed together in one surprisingly hot, cramped and dusty room. Catra lay wide awake, blankets kicked off in a weak attempt to relieve herself of the hot night air. She knew it would cool down eventually but she was exhausted and wanted to sleep now. 

Scorpia had no problem sleeping, she was sprawled out on a spare mattress on the ground off to the side of Catra. Her snores filled the silence and grated against Catra’s fried nerves. Entrapta slept quietly, although she twitched occasionally in her sleep. Muttering words that Catra assumed had meaning but not any she knew. Something about robots and building an empire in a junkyard. Catra almost laughed. 

After they had finished setting up the band stand; Angella, Glimmer’s mom and Adora’s legal guardian, had insisted on feeding everyone a hearty meal as a thank you for all the hard work. 

Catra had been surprised at just how much food the kitchen staff had managed to whip up on short notice. Catra hadn’t eaten that well in a very long time, and she’d ended up with a stomach ache by the end of it. Not that she minded. She preferred this to being hungry.

Glimmer and Bow sat next to each other across from Catra, and Adora had sat herself down a little further next to Angella. 

Scorpia, Entrapta, and Catra had taken up the other side of the table. 

Micah, someone new to Catra and apparently Glimmer's dad, sat at the opposite head of the table from Angella. He had been very interested in their musical career. Catra found that Micah reminded her of Adora’s dad, with his dad jokes and a little overbearing but well-meaning personality. There had been plenty of groan deserving dad jokes in their childhood, and there were several at this dinner table.

Adora laughed at her friends jokes and talked happily with Angella, she listened to Scorpia’s rambling with an engaged expression. She barely had to say three words to keep Scorpia going and she looked absolutely thrilled to share all her gossip and babbling. Glimmer and Bow spoke to each other in hushed private whispers sometimes, and Catra got the impression that if they weren’t already a couple then they should be. They looked so wrapped up in each other sometimes, that Catra had to wonder if they even knew other people could see them. 

Entrapta was deep in conversation with Micah, talking about ancient farm equipment that he had laying around in a shed somewhere. Catra heard him promise to show it to her and show her what he knew about it. This had earned a small screech of excitement that had silenced the whole table for a laughable ten seconds before the different conversations resumed.

At some point during the rowdy dinner, Catra began to feel a warmth spreading through her chest. She was used to eating in solitude in her room. Some cold left over fast food from that morning because buying more seemed like a waste of money. Her bedroom dark and void of any life other than herself.

Here, her band mates seemed happy and excited just to be existing. The mood of the room made her feel like she had whenever she’d had dinner with Adora’s parents, or whenever Adora had had dinner at Catras place. Christmas’ where the two families would get together and exchange gifts. Birthdays, summer vacations, thanksgiving dinners. A happy home. Feeling like she belonged. This place felt like home. She hadn’t even been here longer than a day. 

Catra sat watching everyone interact with each other and let the feeling soak into her bones, making her forget her loneliness. 

Adora’s eyes met her from across the table and Catra couldn’t help but smile a little at Adora’s dorky grin. It had been her best night in a while. 

Now she was laying in a dark, unfamiliar room on a hot night with no AC, her friend snoring over the singing of the crickets under her second story window. This felt alone. She knew she wasn’t, but in comparison to dinner, it was. 

She was hyper aware of Adora also in this house somewhere, probably sleeping soundly despite the heat. Catra rolled over, grunting her displeasure at the sensation of her wet tank top against her skin. At around midnight she’d finally had enough; she ripped her shirt right over her head and tossed it into a corner somewhere. That was Future Catra’s problem. She ran her hands over her flat chest, the ridges of her scars, and sighed her relief. Just the lack of that extra fabric helped. She laid back down and stared out the window at the tiny patch of night sky she could see through the glass. The screens blocked out most of the stars, but Catra could tell there were hundreds of them. She knew the city didn’t have any. 

She’d only been here a day and already her chest ached just a little at the idea of having to leave. Why would she stay though? After this gig, they had nothing. They had rent to pay, after all. 

Catra sighed, rolled over, feeling the night breeze on her bare skin, and eventually fell into a nightmare.

Smoke roiled out of every crevice and filled Catra’s lungs with their poison. It was hard to breathe, every breath hurt. How had she gotten here? The air was simultaneously black with shadow and filled with the burning lights of fire. Eating away at the ground under her feet. 

”Adora?” She called out, reaching blindly into the smoke. 

The air was hot, dry. It burned her skin, she could see it beginning to crack. Panic filled her as she hastily tried to rub the spreading fissures away but to no avail. Her skin glowed like embers underneath. Her stomach burned.

“Adora!” She called out again, coughing up black smoke. “Adora! Please don’t leave me here!” 

She could see a figure ahead through the smoke and Catra tried to step towards it. She knew it was Adora, who else could it be? 

Catra’s legs gave out and she fell forward, smacking her face against the charred ground. She was horrified to see her legs had turned to ash and blown away in one of the fierce winds inside the inferno. 

“Take me with you!” She cried out again, feeling her face begin to crack in the heat. Fire burned inside her head, her lungs, her eyes. The roar of the collapsing building around her deafened her to everything except her own cries. She tried to pull her crumbling body forward, but soon her arms disappeared too. Catra was left lying there, her tears turning to steam before they could even fall. 

“Adora!” She cried out, waking up with a painful jerking motion and sitting upright in her bed. 

She took a deep gasping breath of cool morning air. She took another, and another. She took as many breaths as she could until she could see past the panic brought on in her dream. No one had heard her cry out. 

The sun was up, well above the horizon. Birds sang their annoyingly cheery songs outside the window. Scorpia and Entrapta were nowhere to be seen, which meant they’d probably gone off to work or explore and left Catra to sleep. 

Catra groaned and looked around. The mattress she’d been on was damp with sweat. Fuck. It wasn’t even hers to mess up, but she had. Stupid nightmares.   
  
Catra dragged herself out of the bed and lazily tossed the sheets back over it in a half-assed attempt to make the bed.

Her feet dragged over the warm wood floors across the hall towards the bathroom, not bothering to dig up her shirt only to take it right off again for the shower. Especially since there wasn’t anything to cover up in the first place. 

  
So naturally, she ran into Adora almost immediately. She was busily hopping down the hall on one leg, trying to put a sock on. She was so focused that she made it past Catra and to the other end of the Hallway before realizing that Catra was there.    
  
Catra tried to sneak into the bathroom without being seen,    
  
“Oh, morning Catra, How’d you sl- Oh. Oh sorry. Oh my god.” Adora’s voice got an octave higher, her face flushed with embarrassment. She lifted her hand to shield her eyes.

“Chill, Adora. It’s-” Catra didn’t get the chance to finish her sentence because Adira disappeared around the corner and down the stairs. Catra heard her stumble at the bottom, knocking into something that made a loud clattering noise, and then she was gone.    
  
Catra rolled her eyes, and resumed her mission to shower and brush her teeth.    
  
An hour later, clean, minty fresh, and wearing sweat-free clothing; Catra made her way to the kitchen. Adora had clearly fled the scene, but Bow and Glimmer sat next to each other at the table eating cereal. Glimmer looked miserable, her hair sticking up on one side and her usually bright eyes were clouded from sleep. Catra felt herself snicker at the image before her.    
  
“Morning, Catra.” Bow’s cheerful voice greeted her.    
  
Catra nodded and joined them at the table reluctantly. She wasn’t sure if she had the energy for a conversation this early.    
  
“There’s some cereal here for you, if you want.” Bow pushed the box of sugary breakfast food towards her and she took it. She wasn’t even hungry yet, used to a life of maybe one square meal in a day.    
  
She felt Bow and Glimmers eyes on her as she poured a portion into a bowl they’d left out for her.    
  
“What?” she snapped, grabbing the milk and unscrewing the cap. 

  
“Nothing.” Bow said hurriedly, looking down at his food.    
  
“Adora went out to the barn to see Swift Wind,” Glimmer’s tired voice deadpanned,   
  
“I’m not looking for Adora.” Catra felt her nose wrinkle at her own lie.    
  
“Okay.” Glimmer scoffed into her spoon, shoving it into her mouth and chewing. Catra felt like the tone implied an ‘ _ If you say so.’ _ But Catra opted to drop it.    
  
God, just watching Glimmer made Catra want to crawl back into bed and sleep for another few hours.    
  
Catra took her bowl of cereal and sat down at the furthest end of the table she could get from Adora’s friends. Tucking herself in and all but inhaling the food. God, maybe she had been hungry after all. She could get used to having real food.   
  
When she was done -her bowl set inside a dishwasher that made her entire apartment look like a shit heap- Catra stepped out of the house and onto the porch. She could see the marks on the wood where her nails had scratched off the paint the previous day.    
  
She hummed at it, and stepped out into the grass. The morning breeze ruffling her damp hair and bringing a welcome chill. It wouldn’t be long before the day was just as stifling as the last.    
  
Catra stretched her arms over her head, feeling her shoulders and back crack and revelling in the sensation of the sun on her tired body. She could lay right down in a patch of sun and fall right back asleep, but the image of her nightmare was still too fresh in her memories. Instead she scanned the property and began walking towards the smaller of the barns, the one with the horses in it.    
  
The smell of hay and must wafted out of the cool interior, making Catra’s nose itch like she was going to sneeze. Inside, all the stall doors were open. It seemed like all the horses were out in the pasture beyond the barn. All except for one.    
  
The white stallion she’d seen the previous day stood lazily in the center of the isle, his back leg cocked and at rest. Adora was busy brushing out his tail, picking burrs and other bits of debris out as she went.    
  
Catra was happy to lean against the inside of the door and watch her concentrated face, tongue poking out and all. A breeze blew through one open door at the other end of the stable and out through the entrance that Catra stood in, making Adora’s clothes ripple gently. Her hair, which had been up in a relatively put-together bun when Catra had seen her an hour ago, was now messy and falling out of its shape. The strands of hair blowing in Adora’s face in front of her summery eyes.    
  
Swift Winds ears pivoted towards Catra when she cleared her throat to announce her arrival. She wasn’t sure why she was here, she could be off with Scorpia and Entrapta doing some finalizing of the set up. Actually, she doubted her friends were doing any work at all right now.    
  
Adora glanced up and smiled at Catra; all embarrassment of earlier was clearly forgotten.    
  
“Hey, Adora.” Catra greeted, stepping further into the cool building.    
  
Adora dropped Swift Wind’s tail, it looked clean enough to Catra anyways. “Hey. How’d you sleep?”    
  
Catra didn’t answer, not wanting to lie and not wanting to talk about her unpleasant dream. Looking instead at the massive horse standing between them. He wasn’t tied up and that made Catra nervous. What was stopping him from running her over?    
  
Adora’s eyes followed Catra’s and she smiled, patting Swift Wind’s rump. “He won’t hurt you.”   
  
Catra scoffed and made a face at Adora. “I don’t believe that.”    
  
Adora’s smile widened and she stepped towards Catra. Before she could protest, Adora’s hand firmly gripped Catra’s wrist and pulled her closer.    
  
Catra’s heart jumped into her throat when the horse was suddenly right next to her, and so was Adora. She could feel it beating loudly in her ears, and her stomach threatened to heave her breakfast all over the cool packed earth beneath them.    
  
“It’s okay, I promise.” Adora said, taking Catra’s hand and placing it against Swift Wind’s shoulder. Catra tried to pull back at first, but Adora held her steady. Her hand was warm.    
  
Catra could feel the muscles underneath the horse’s thick skin. Tight and strong, full of power. But he was relaxed under her touch, he didn’t even bat an ear towards her. Catra relaxed a little and let her hand relax against his giant shoulder in turn. Adora pulled her hand away, and Catra let her fingers run over the ridges between his muscles. His fur was surprisingly sleek and soft.    
  
“See?” Adora smirked, leaning her shoulder up against Swift Wind. The familiar ease of the gesture made Catra relax a little more.    
  
“Yeah, whatever. I still don’t trust him.” Catra grumbled, looking away.    
  
Adora rolled her eyes at Catra and used her free hand to scratch her horse. “Are you excited for tonight?”    
  
Catra took a moment before responding. “Yeah. I mean, I guess. It’s just like any other gig we’ve been to I guess.”    
  
“How many do you do?” Adora’s bright eyes stared directly into the side of Catra’s head and she felt it like a subtle buzz under her skin. Impossible to ignore.   
  
“I don’t know. Not as many as we’d like. We get out a few times a week back in Dryl, but it’s. I don’t know. It’s never a good set up.”   
  
Adora frowned, her head tilting a little to the left. It was cute. Catra scowled to herself.    
  
Adora shifted her weight off of Swift Wind’s side, but her hand stayed on his hip. “Are you close to getting anywhere with it?” 

“Yeah. I mean I think so? I think we just need one person to see us, like us, and take us on.” Catra glanced out the door of the barn at the sprawling lawn, the sunlight dappling the ground through the trees and feeling the warm breeze through the barn. She felt like she was lying.    
  
“Is that what you want?” Adora’s question shocked her attention back.    
  
“What do you mean?” Catra asked, feeling her voice get tight and defensive without meaning it to.    
  
Adora stepped back apologetically, “You’re really good, like really really good. But you don’t seem….” She paused, watching Catra carefully, gauging her reaction. “You don’t seem very happy.”    
  
Catra felt irritation rise in her chest and she pulled her hand off of Swift Wind. “How would you know if I’m happy or not? You haven’t been around to know the difference.”    
  


Adora winced and stepped further away from Catra. She thought she saw irritation flash in Adora’s eyes, but it was gone a moment later. “Sorry. I was just… Sorry.”   
  
Adora made a clicking sound with her tongue and Swift Wind shifted next to Adora, backing up to stand directly next to her. Catra watched as she positioned herself by his shoulder, gripped the base of his mane, and swung herself onto his back with ease that Catra was left balking a little. She made it look so easy.    
  
“No. I-” Catra sighed in frustration, pinching the bridge of her nose. Adora hadn’t meant anything by it. “Yeah, it’s what I want. I’m just tired.”   
  
Adora’s expression was hard to read as she observed Catra from her seat on the stallion’s bare back.    
  
“Come for a ride with me.” She said finally, and Catra could only blink in surprise.    
  
“What?”    
  
“Come for a ride with me, before everyone starts arriving and you have to go get ready.” Adora held out her hand for Catra.    
  
“No, I-” Catra took a step back, staring at the long muscular legs of the horse. He was very tall, falling off of him would hurt like a son of a bitch.   
  
Adora withdrew her hand and smiled at Catra, “It’s okay. Next time.”    
  
Adora didn’t wait for Catra to confirm or deny, she nudged her horse forward and he walked out of the barn. The second he was out on the grass he broke into a lope and the pair of them disappeared around the side of the cow barn.    
  
Catra felt her shoulders relax, letting go of a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. Like hell she was going to be getting on that horse. He looked like a freaking murder machine.   
She sighed and was about to walk out of the barn when some photographs on a bulletin board caught her attention.    
  
Curious, Catra stepped up to them, scanning the pinned documents and reminders boredly before landing on some photographs of Adora and her friends as kids. There were pictures of them standing out in a dirt pen, playing with ropes and trying to catch a stationary bull. Catra smiled at Adora, who was grinning like a dope with one of her legs all tangled up. Glimmer and Bow in the background fighting over a cowboy hat that looked to be too big for either of them. Another picture was of Bow standing under an apple tree, Adora sitting on his shoulders trying to reach the highest apples. Another was just Adora. In her arms was a foal, Catra recognized him as Swift Wind but his fur wasn’t nearly as white; it was more of an ugly fuzzy grey/brown. She was bottle feeding him. Milk dripped down her fingers and down the Swift Winds chest. Adora was smiling happily up at the camera, her adult teeth were just starting to fill the gap that Catra had accidentally made all those years ago. She looked so happy. 

Catra’s heart ached with longing, wondering what life would be life if she had been able to join Mara and Adora out here. Her life might have turned out so different.

  
She stepped away from the wall and walked out of the barn to get ready for tonight. 


	10. Chapter 10

* * *

_"I know this whole damn city thinks it needs you  
But not as much as I do"_

* * *

Catra grunted as Scorpia’s elbow dug into her ribs for the second time in five minutes. She had her back to Catra, who was wedged between her and the stage trying to reconnect a wire she’d tripped over. Scorpia was on the phone, talking to Perfuma and giving directions on how to get to Bright Moon. She’d invited her almost-girlfriend to the party at the last minute because Glimmer said that she should. There had been an unholy amount of thank yous and excited babbling.   
  
Catra rolled her eyes and shoved Scorpia away so she could finally reach the wire. The sun was setting, the golden light making everything around them seem ethereal. Dust motes and pollen caught the light like glitter, and the evening breeze made the leaves dance in the wind, creating a soothing hushing noise.   
  
Catra had been performing on and off all afternoon, she'd finally been given the O.K to just chill for the rest of the evening. Her favourite part of the day had been that everyone seemed to really enjoy their little band. Man these country folk were easy to please. They were all so gut-wrenchingly nice. In the city, it was hard to even turn a head. The music was just background noise at all the events they’d gone to. But here? Most of the crowd had danced along, paying attention and cheering, clapping, making the three of them happy to be there. She’d caught Scorpia crying happy tears during one of their breaks, exclaiming to Entrapta and Bow about how happy she was to be here and thanking Bow endlessly for asking them here. Catra had to walk away from that, she was glad that her band mates were happy but she wasn’t sure how to handle the sudden overflow of emotions coming from all directions.   
  
At some point during the day, again during one of their breaks, Entrapta had come laughing up to Catra with a … goat trailing behind her. “Catra! Look what I found trying to eat my wire strippers!” Entrapta had bounced up and down happily on her heels as she gestured to the goat. A simple looking light brown goat with crossed eyes that seemed to stare directly into Catra’s soul. 

  
“I’m going to call her Emily!”   
  
“Uh, we can’t take that back to Dryl.” Catra had pointed out, stepping back as the goat sniffed at Catra’s leg.   
  
Entrapta seemed to deflate a little, but only for a moment. “Maybe Micah will let me keep her here!” And with that, she ran off to find him. The goat trotting -wobbling?- after her at top goat speed.   
  
Cata shook her head. What a strange day. Was Scorpia going to come up to her with a cow, next?   
  
She hadn’t seen Adora all day. Glimmer and Bow hadn’t seemed worried, but Catra was. Just a little. She wouldn’t admit it out loud though.   
  
“She said she had someone to pick up, she’ll be here later.” Bow had shrugged nonchalantly.   
  
She kept finding herself scanning the crowd for the familiar blue eyes. Coming back disappointed every time she didn’t find them.   
  
Now that she was finally allowed to do whatever she wanted, the crowd still hadn’t dissipated so she kept finding herself pulled aside to chat about her songs and answer questions. Something that she found endlessly exhausting. All she wanted to do was find somewhere quiet so that she could recharge a little bit.   
  
Glimmer had hooked up her phone or something because now just a regular playlist played in the background, mostly overplayed pop songs but it was better than nothing, Catra supposed. Everyone happily chatted and mingled. Dressed for the heat in light clothing, dresses, skirts, shorts and t-shirts. Catra had opted to just wear a nice suit, a dark maroon, but she’d refused to properly tie up her bow; she left it hanging loosely around her neck. That thing felt like a collar and she was having none of that. She didn’t think she looked that great, but she kept getting comments - especially from Scorpia and Bow - so whatever.   
  
Catra was leaning up against one of the many ancient oak trees in the party area, sipping passively at a spiked soda - her fourth of the evening- when she spotted Adora.   
  
Holy shit, Adora. Catra’s thoughts flat lined.   
  
Adora walked up as close to the crowd as she could get on Swift Wind’s back. Figures she’d arrive on a literal white horse looking like _that_ . She was wearing a relatively simple red dress, a gold belt around her waist. It was light and flowing, very simple and sat loosely on Adora’s pleasing from. Even though Catra had barely begun to know her again, she thought this look was very ‘Adora’. She coughed to clear her throat.   
  
Adora was sitting sideways on Swift Wind’s back. Catra thought the dress wouldn’t let her sit normally anyways. She was about to walk over to ask where she’d been when- Wait. Someone’s arms were wrapped around Adora’s waist from behind. Catra squinted her eyes to try and see who it was. And sure enough...   
  
_God, Adora. What did you do, dig up the crypt keeper's wife?_ That was the oldest lady that Catra had seen in her entire life. She was practically one giant, walking wrinkle.   
Adora slid easily off of her horse’s shoulders and turned around to lift the old lady off. Adora’s toned muscles caught the evening light, and Catra absolutely was not looking at them at all. She was not noticing how the setting sun made the back of Adora’s neck glow softly. Catra felt her face warm a little.   
She set the lady down and patted the stallion’s neck. He turned to eat grass, as horses do.   
  
Catra got a better look at the old lady when Adora began walking with her towards her friends, their arms looped together. Adora had to stoop, just a little, to accommodate the lady’s tiny size.   
She wore a dress that had gone out of fashion probably about a thousand years ago, violet and frilly. Her cane tapped the ground every few steps, but Catra got the impression that it was more to make a point than it was to aid her walking. Her hair, a mass of grey on her head, was unstyled and sticking up in several interesting directions. Catra almost snorted, but the old lady looked in her direction. Catra almost spit out her drink. Her thick glasses made this woman’s eyes look like fucking saucers, and Catra had to bite her tongue hard to keep from laughing. Adora looked up at where this lady was looking, spotting Catra and smiling wide. Waving Catra over.   
  
Oh. Catra couldn't help feel her heart thump a little louder in her chest, Adora’s smile inviting Catra in.   
  
Catra swallowed and made her way across the lawn towards Adora, Bow, Glimmer, and the crypt keeper’s newly risen wife.   
  
“Catra!” Adora called happily once she was in hearing range. The sun caught her hair -placed up in what could pass as a simple but elegant bun- and made it look like woven gold. Catra tried and failed again not to notice.   
  
“This is Madame Razz. Razz? This is Catra, you haven’t met her. She’s uhm… She’s a friend of mine.”   
  
The old lady - Madame Razz - squinted her eyes at Catra, and Catra suddenly felt very self conscious with those cartoonish eyes staring so hard.   
  
“Yes, dearie. I remember my Mara telling me all about you two. Catra, it’s nice to finally meet you after so long.”   
  
Did a moth just fly out of her hair?   
  
Catra forced a polite smile - it felt unnatural on her face- and reached to shake Madame Razz’s hand. She yelped at her steel grip and was pulled down for inspection. Razz grabbed Catra’s cheeks and turned her head side-to-side to check every inch for god knows what. Adora looked like she was trying super hard not to laugh, and Catra felt her face flush.   
“Catra, dear, you need to eat more. You are too thin. Here, take this. I made them from the berries in my garden.” The old woman beamed, pulling a tart seemingly out of nowhere.   
  
“Uh, thanks, Miss, uh, Mrs. Madame Razz.” Catra stuttered awkwardly, stumbling back once her face had been released.   
  
“Just Razz, dearie.” The old woman smiled, she was missing a couple teeth.   
  
Adora’s smile was straining on her face, she watched as Adora bit her lip and then moved her hand to cover her mouth. Catra heard the quiet laughter of her friends without needing to look. Catra’s shoulders slumped and she grumbled irritably under her breath.   
  
Catra kept her distance as Razz left their sides and went to go check in on equally ancient people in the crowd. Wow, they really grew ‘em ripe out here.   
  
Catra ate the tart in one bite.   
  
“Sorry about that,” Adora breathed as she stepped up to stand next to Catra. “She’s intense, but she means well.”   
  
“It’s fine.” Catra clipped awkwardly, trying not to look at the glowing outlines the golden sun made on Adora’s face. When exactly had Adora gotten so… like this? Maybe it was the alcohol. It had to be the alcohol. Definitely the alcohol.   
  
Adora shifted her weight, watching the Razz as she made her rounds of invading people’s personal space. “Sorry I missed you on stage. Madame Razz is really hard to get ready. She’s very distracted.”   
  
Catra thought of Entrapta and nodded. “Yeah, I know the type. ‘S fine, Adora. Don’t worry about it.”   
  
Adora fidgeted a little more. “Did you enjoy yourself?”   
  
Catra hesitated, unsure about opening up again. The words left her mouth before she could stop them though. “Yeah, actually. I think we all had a really nice time.”   
  
Adora beamed at that and seemed to stand up straighter. Did she have ants in her shoes, or something? Just stand still.   
  
“What songs did you play? I mean I’m sure Bow recorded some of it. But…”   
  
Catra scowled at the idea, but shrugged. “Uh, I dunno. A few off the list Glimmer gave us, but actually we ended up taking a lot of requests from the crowd. So. Lot’s of country music and an unfortunate amount of pop. There was one rock song.”   
  
Adora laughed, “I can’t see you singing a country song. You have this whole punk rock vibe going on.”   
  
Catra couldn’t help but laugh with her, it was hard not to. “Hey, it wasn’t so bad. Some of them were actually good. I’d sing ‘em again.”   
  
“I might hold you to that.”   
  
“Okay, Princess.”   
  
Adora smiled at her, a soft meaningful smile that Catra hadn’t seen before. She didn’t know what it meant, but it made butterflies flutter around in her stomach. Catra looked down at her drink and decided that was it for the alcohol and dumped the remainder out onto the grass.   
  
Adora led her over to where Bow, Glimmer, Scorpia, Entrapta and her goat, and now Perfuma had gathered.   
  
Perfuma stood next to Scorpia. Literal flowers in her hair and a laugh on her lips, her hand was in Scorpia’s. Catra fought the urge to scoff at them.   
  
They spent the rest of the evening chatting and telling stories and jokes. Catra learned a great deal about Adora’s many mishaps that ended in her going to the ER. She was happy to have lots of ammo for teasing in the future.   
  
The future? Catra paused at her thought. She hadn’t given it any thought, she assumed she would just go back to the city and never see Adora again. That was the plan when she’d arrived, anyways.   
  
Catra looked at Scorpia’s borrowed car parked all the way by the giant farmhouse and felt a sudden pang of sadness. She’d only been here two days, but it was the most at ease she’d been in years. She pushed the thoughts away. She didn’t want to think about leaving just yet.   
  
Adora’s laugh brought her back into the moment. Bow had her in a headlock, he was roughly scrubbing at her head. She shoved at his middle to try and get free but Bow clearly had the advantage. They were both laughing. Catra smiled.   
  
Catra jumped when Madame Razz shoved her way under Catra’s arm to join the circle. God, personal space lady.   
  
“Mara, Dearie.” The old woman croaked, addling her way over to Adora.   
  
Mara? Catra didn’t miss the flash of sadness in Adora’s eyes.   
  
“It’s Adora, Razz.” Adora reminded her patiently, “What do you need?”   
  
The old woman slowly lowered herself into one of the chairs near the stage. “Sing me a song, will you dearie?”   
  
Adora hesitated, glancing nervously up at Catra who cocked an eyebrow at her. Adora sang?   
  
“Does it have to be right now, Razz? It’s not really a good time-”   
“Nonsense. I want to hear your beautiful voice.” Razz waved her off and reclined comfortably into her chair.   
  
Adora looked a little distressed and Catra noticed that Bow and Glimmer were looking a little sympathetic. They didn’t step in to Adora’s aid though.   
  
Adora glanced around them and Catra found herself looking too. Without realizing it, the crowd had almost completely gone. The sun had completely set and crickets buzzed in the fields. A cool evening breeze had replaced the day’s warm one.The only people left were their small group and a cluster of people talking to Angella and Micah on the front porch but even they looked like they were on their way out. Catra blinked. Where had the time gone?   
  
Adora sighed, nodding reluctantly. “Of course Razz. Let me just grab my guitar, okay?”   
  
“You can play guitar?” Catra blurted, standing up straight. 

Adora blushed and nodded. “Mara taught me how.” She didn’t elaborate, her eyes looked sad again at the mention of Mara. Catra didn’t press.   
  
She watched as Adora left their little group, jogging across the lawn and disappearing into the warm light of the farmhouse.   
  
“Oh, Catra.” Bow almost whispered, his eyes also on Adora’s disappearing form. “You’re in for a treat.”   
  
“Why?” Catra asked, frowning. “Is she like, horrible or something?”   
  
Glimmer snorted and bit her knuckles to keep from laughing at Catra. This just made Catra more confused. No one answered her directly, but Bow and Glimmer exchanged a look. Catra made a face at them and turned her attention back to the house.   
  
Catra decided that no matter how horrible she sounded, she would not laugh. This time. There was only so much to be expected out of Catra. More than one free pass on a good teasing opportunity was not one of them.   
  
While they waited for Adora to return, Glimmer suggested that they go and sit by the fire pit because her and Bow were getting cold. Honestly, all of them were looking a little blue, so to speak. It was a welcome change from the past days of uncomfortable choking heat, but they weren’t used to it.   
  
Together they made their way around the back of the farm house, where a surprisingly quaint looking fire pit was sitting in the middle of their massive backyard. Seriously, how much space did one family need?   
  
Catra sat herself down on one of the old logs while Bow gathered up some wood and kindling. Glimmer started the fire up and within moments they had a roaring flame going. The warmth seeping into Catra’s skin and making her sigh with content. Madame Razz chose to sit herself down right next to Catra, gripping her arm. Catra would be irritated, but it was very hard to stay upset with this lady. She had the warmest smile on her face. Actually, Catra didn’t think she’d worn anything except that expression all evening.   
  
Scorpia sat on the log to the side of Catra, Perfuma nestling up next to her for extra warmth. Catra didn’t think that she'd ever seen Scorpia look so quiet and content; and that woman was _always_ happy. So that was saying something. With Perfuma’s head on her shoulder, they watched the flames dance over the wood.   
  
Across from her, Glimmer sat next to Bow. Actually, that wasn’t the right word for it. Glimmer was sprawled over the log, and her head was in Bow’s lap looking up at him. They were talking softly to each other and laughing at private jokes; and Catra again tried not to gag. She was surrounded by gooey couples in love. Catra glanced around again. It seems that they had lost Entrapta and her new goat friend, but that didn’t shock her much. She’d probably taken apart someone's engine by now.   
  


Catra heard soft footsteps approaching from behind and turned to see Adora, changed into jeans and an endearingly large grey hoodie. She’d taken her hair out of it’s styled bun and had put it back into the ponytail that Catra remembered from her childhood. Despite the downgrade in her outfit, Adora still looked just as good, if not better. How’d she manage that?   
In her hands was a simple guitar, light wood and some kind of engraving on it but it was too dark to see and the flicking light of the fire did nothing to help. Adora sat down next to Catra. She noticed Adora was shaking a little.   
  
She wanted to ask if Adora was okay, but the words stuck in her throat.   
  
“Okay, Razz.” Adora’s voice was a little shaky. “What did you want me to sing?”   
  
“That’s easy, dearie. Play my favourite.”   
  
Adora nodded quietly and pulled the old guitar into her lap. She plucked a few strings, took a deep breath, and started to play.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, i recommend listening to If You Ask Me To by MacKenzie Porter if you're up for it, vuv if you want the full Adora singing vibes. That's all. hope you enojy!

* * *

_"If we're the dark horse, I'd place my bet  
If we're roulette we'll put it all on red  
'Cause red is the colour I'd bleed for you  
If you asked me to"_

* * *

Catra watched the light of the camp fire flicker on Adora’s face as she drew a deep breath, and began to sing. 

She was completely caught off guard. Adora’s voice -once pitchy and awkward when they sang silly songs together in childhood- was now bordering angelic. 

Adora sang the first verse of her song with a shaky, nervous voice but she still sounded better than anything she had ever heard. 

Adora paused to strum a few notes before sliding into the next verse, more confident this time. Her eyes were cast down towards her hands, her posture visibly relaxing with each word that came out of her mouth. Catra leaned towards the sound just a little, captivated. 

Adora glanced up as she finished her verse, her eyes met Catra’s and she felt her heart squeeze in not an unpleasant way when she saw the firelight reflected in Adora’s blue eyes. She smiled nervously at Catra, and glanced away again. Her voice grew loud and confident falling into the chorus. 

“ _I want a love that grows, like a tall jack pine_

_And I wanna grow old with your hand in mine_

_Down that road, I'd walk with you_

_Baby if you ask me to_

_Baby if you ask me to”_

Catra chanced a glance around the group. She wasn’t the only one completely absorbed in Adora’s wonderful voice and she was glad. Bow met her eyes over the flames and … was he smirking? Catra scowled at him and he looked away. 

She kept singing, time seemed to come to a halt and for the duration of Adora’s mini performance, the rest of the world just didn’t exist anymore.

Adora sang her final verse, but Catra secretly wished it wouldn't end. 

“ _Tie me a circle from a piece of string_

_And I will wear it as your ring_

_No, there ain't nothing I wouldn't give to you_

_If you asked me to…”_

Adora sat still for what seemed to be forever to Catra before she lowered her guitar on to the ground next to her and looked up. Everyone in their circle clapped enthusiastically, including Catra. Adora’s eyes shone and she grinned, laughing nervously but she seemed happy all the same.

“Thank you, Adora, dearie. I think I’ll go home now.” Razz sounded happy and tired, her magnified saucer eyes were half lidded with exhaustion. 

Catra hadn’t heard Adora sing before, not like that, but she couldn’t blame Razz for choosing that as her favourite. 

“I’ll take her home, Adora.” Bow said quietly, standing up much to Glimmer’s displeasure. “Come on Razz, I’ll drive you back in the truck.” 

Razz waddled up to him and took his arm. “Thank you Bow. Such a sweet boy you are.” 

Glimmer got up and twisted her middle. Catra heard her back crack loudly. “I’ll see you all in the morning. Thank you again, guys. For your awesome performances today.”

Glimmer wrapped her arms around herself and dragged her feet tiredly back into her house. 

“Yeah, I think I’ll turn in too. We have a long drive tomorrow, plus all that packing.” Scorpia stretched her arms, sounding pretty exhausted herself. Perfuma stood up and one of her flowers fell to the ground, she held her hand out for Scorpia to take and they started back towards the house. 

“It was really lovely meeting you all.” She smiled, and her and Scorpia disappeared into the dark. 

Catra and Adora were the only ones left by the fire. Catra didn’t quite feel like going to sleep yet, but she didn’t really want to stay out here alone and Adora had a glassy eyed expression that suggested she too was also ready for a good long rest. 

Still, neither of them moved to get up. 

“When did you learn to sing so well?” Catra asked, resting her elbows on her knees. 

Adora shrugged, “I dunno. It’s not that great.” 

“Adora.” Catra deadpanned. Adora looked up to meet her gaze. “You’re fucking incredible. Don’t ever say that to me again.” 

This earned a smile. “Thank you, but I’ll never be you.”

“What did I _just_ say?” 

Adora’s smile widened, but she didn’t argue anymore.

Catra brought her eyes up to look at the sky and was amazed for the third time that night. The stars were indescribably insane to be looking at. She’d only ever seen pictures of stars like this. There wasn’t a single spot of unoccupied dark sky. Everywhere looked like someone had taken a paintbrush and flung white droplets. Catra couldn’t help but feel tiny and insignificant compared to the vast canvas of stars.   
  
Embers and smoke floated up into the sky from the fire, which was gradually starting to die down. The warmth retreating with it. An unexpected cold breeze made her shiver, but she kept her eyes up in the stars. 

“Are you… Leaving tomorrow?” Adora’s voice was quiet, hesitant. Like she was afraid of what Catra might say.   
  
Catra chanced a glance at her childhood friend. Her eyes were also staring upwards, the breeze gently blowing her hair into her face. Her expression was impossible to read. Catra looked upwards again.   
  
“Yeah. That’s the plan.” Catra let herself wish that she could say no, just for a moment.   
  
Adora doesn’t say anything in response. Her silence was comfortable and familiar. She felt no need to fill the gaps between their conversations. When was the last time she’d been able to sit quietly and not have to speak?   
  
Catra sat out by the dying fire with Adora for what must have been an hour saying nothing and just enjoying her company. When the embers were burning so low that they couldn’t even be called a fire anymore, Adora sighed and brought her eyes down from the heavens. Catra watched.   
  
“It was nice getting to see you again, Catra.” Adora stiffened just a little, “I’ve really missed… this.”   
  
Catra worked her jaw, nodding. “Yeah, this has been… Nice. But it’s not because I like you, or anything.”   
  
Adora laughed.   
  
“Remember that time that my mom took us camping?”   
  
Catra thought back and smiled, “Yeah, you were terrified of every noise. You refused to sleep in your own sleeping bag. You kept claiming you were just cold.”   
  
“I was cold!” Adora scoffed, but the smile stayed fixated on her lips. “But also scared. And you were like a furnace.”   
  
“Whatever, Princess. I didn’t get a wink of sleep that entire weekend because of you.”   
  
Adora smirked at her, “You were scared too, don’t pretend you weren't.”   
  
“I was _not_ !” Catra laughed, shoving Adora’s shoulder playfully.   
  


“You were! When I got up at night to go to the bathroom, I had to detach you!” Adora laughed and returned the playful shrug.   
  
“You’re remembering it wrong.” She sniffed, turning her nose up at the idea. 

“I don’t think I am.” Adora’s eyes sparkled with something new and bright. Her blue eyes turned liquid silver in the starlight. Catra had to drag her eyes away lest she drown in it.   
  
Catra snorted and turned her head back towards the sky. “Whatever.”   
  
She let her thoughts wander again as silence settled once more between them. How late was it? She had no way to tell, and she wasn’t sure that she even cared. She felt happy and carefree like she had when she was little. Something both new and old was stirring inside her, something that had no name. It felt nice and at the same time, scary.   
  
She heard Adora get to her feet and grab her guitar, the tiny twanging noise bringing her focus back to the girl who had once been her favourite person in the universe.   
  
“I’m going to head to bed. You should sleep too.” Adora’s voice had taken on a new edge. Did she sound upset?   
Catra sat up straight and took a harder look at Adora, but she seemed fine. No. No she didn’t seem fine. She was still. There was no fidgeting of her hands or shifting of her feet. She stood perfectly still, a dark silhouette against the starry sky.   
  
“Are you okay?” Catra asked, feeling concern rise in her stomach.   
  
Adora smiled soft and sad. Her heart tugged towards it.   
  
“Yeah, I’m good. I’m just tired. Will I see you tomorrow before you leave?”   
  
“Yeah, of course.” Catra nodded. “But, Adora-”   
  
“Goodnight, Catra.” Adora’s voice had a definite edge to it, there was no imagining it now. Adora stepped past her and Catra felt the other girl’s cool fingers touch her back in parting, only for a moment. Catra felt a chill go down her spine, and she blamed the cold.   
  
Adora left her alone out by the fire pit, pondering what had just happened. Did she say something wrong?   
  
Her final image of Adora that night was of her looking back to Catra from the back porch. She was too far away and it was too dark to see her expression, but she definitely lingered.   
  
Catra looked back at the now dead fire pit and ran a hand through her hair. It took her another several minutes of staring and digging through her thoughts, watching the ashes stir in the breeze before she felt like getting up.   
  
She took her time walking across the grass, into the house and up the creaking stairs. She glanced at the door she knew was Adora’s. It was closed, as were all the bedroom doors. Catra stood outside the guest room, her hand on the doorknob. She could check on Adora, make sure she was okay. She glanced at the closed door, silence heavy in the house. If Adora wanted to say what was wrong, she would have. Still…   
  
She shook her head to clear it of thoughts, and stepped into the guest bedroom and shut the door behind her. She groaned when she saw that Entrapta and yes, the goat, had taken her bed. She saw why when her gaze landed on the dark sleeping forms of Scorpia and Perfuma, having pushed the only two floor mattresses together.   
  
Catra sighed and resigned to changing into her loose soccer shorts and tank, tugging a blanket out from under Perfuma’s feet, and settling onto the hardwood floor for the night.   
  
Surprisingly enough, Catra fell asleep almost as soon as she closed her eyes and had a dreamless night.   
  
She felt like she’d just closed her eyes when an almost deafening crack of thunder made the floorboards rumble.   
  
She sat bolt upright, feeling immediately what the floor had done to her poor back. She growled her discomfort and tried to stretch. Jesus, it was cold. Why was it so cold? Outside the window the sky was a dark grey, but it was definitely morning. She shivered and brought the blanket closer around her shoulders. Standing to go peer out at the sky. Lightning flashed and rolled through clouds that looked harsh and angry compared to yesterday’s clear blue skies. It wasn’t raining yet, but it was definitely going to soon. The first sign that summer was close to an end.   
  
For a moment she was afraid for their equipment, but when she glanced down at the bandstand she could see some of the farm hands hurrying everything into one of the barns to protect it.   
  
Catra grumbled and looked around the room. Her friends were still sound asleep.   
The goat, Emily, was staring at her from behind Entrapta’s curled body.   
  
“Baah!” She bleated,   
  
“Shut up.” Catra snapped back.

She rooted through her bag and managed to shuffle into her jeans and slip on her jacket. These were the warmest clothes she had brought. She wished she’d listened to Scorpia and packed a sweater or something.   
  


Still grumbling and shivering, Catra made her way out of the room. Scorpia’s snoring was too much for her to go back to sleep. Out in the hallway, she glanced at Adora’s room. The door was open, but when she poked her head in, the room was empty.   
  
Suddenly feeling awkward for even checking, she withdrew and went downstairs into the kitchen. She wasn’t surprised to see Bow already there, reading a book while he ate his morning cereal. Glimmer wasn’t around though. Probably still sleeping, Catra concluded.   
  
“Morning, Catra.” Bow greeted, not looking up from his book.   
  
“Hey,” Catra nodded, looking around. Still no Adora. “Is she out in the barn?”   
  
“By ‘she’ do you mean Adora?” Bow smirked. Catra’s hard glare made him wince, and he shook his head. “Nah. I don’t know-”   
  
Bow’s face went blank and he set down his book. He began muttering to himself and digging around in his pockets, pulling out his phone. “Shoot. I didn’t realize it was today. No, Adora won’t be out in the barn.”   
  
“Well, then where is she? I said I’d see her before I left.”   
  
Bow’s expression changed to one that made Catra’s worry from last night return with a vengeance.

“Uh. You don’t know?”   
  
Catra stared at him, it was too early for this.   
  
“Yesterday was the anniversary of… the fire?” Bow’s voice got quiet, looking at Catra timidly. “Which means that…Tomorrow is the anniversary of Mara’s death.”   
  
“Wait. Mara died after the… anniversary of our parents… ?” Catra had a sinking feeling. Was that why Adora was so weird last night?   
  
“I mean. I don’t feel comfortable sharing too much, but this is a really hard time of year for Adora. Angella usually tries to plan the party around it but she couldn’t this year. “ Bow rested his arms on the table, his eyes sad. “She always disappears for a few hours. But I’m sure she’ll be back for you. You’re important to her. Scorpia was up a little while ago, anyways. She said she didn’t want to drive in the storm and Micah said you guys are welcome to stay until the weather clears up.”   
  
Catra felt like she’d been kicked in the gut. She’d completely forgotten what this week was, she’d been so wrapped up in not wanting to come here and see Adora. She could only imagine it was worse for Adora, losing her second guardian so close to her parents. How could Catra have forgotten that? She kicked herself internally and looked out the window at the darkening sky.   
  
“Is she going to be okay in this?” Catra asked, frowning at a flash of lightning.   
  
“I hope so.” Bow’s words offered Catra no comfort. “She left her phone here, so I have no way to reach her.”   
  
“She’s such an idiot.” Catra muttered to herself, sitting down at the table with Bow.   
  
“I’m sure she’ll be okay.” Bow didn’t sound totally convinced, but Catra knew there wasn’t much she could do about it.   
  
They sat in silence for a while. Bow reading, Catra staring out the windows at the pastures and clouds. Worry gnawed at her stomach. She couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. She couldn’t stop wishing that she’d knocked on Adora’s door last night.   
  
Eventually Glimmer joined them at almost noon, though she still looked tired and was sporting a really awesome brand of bed-head. She collapsed into the chair next to Bow, who set his book down and pushed a piece of toast towards her.   
  
Catra watched them absently. Not long ago Scorpia and Perfuma had come down and then left again. Something about watching a movie on Perfuma’s phone to pass the time. Entrapta had come down and shoved two thirds of a piece of bread into her mouth and given the last of it to Emily, and then she’d disappeared. All without a single word, her entire body buzzing with excitement of getting to mess with old broken machines with Micah again today. It seemed that the storm had come off as more of a blessing than a curse, to her friends. Catra wished she could share in their excitement. Worry made her stomach twist painfully.   
  
Catra fidgeted in her seat. A nasty wind howled against the windows and Catra and Bow shared a concerned look. Was Adora supposed to have been back by now? Bow’s expression of concern suggested that yes, Adora was supposed to be back by now.   
  
“Do you have any idea where she might have gone? I can’t just sit here.” Catra didn’t even care that her anxiety was shining through now. She could make up an excuse for it later.   
  
Glimmer looked up from her toast - she’d been staring at it in an almost dreamlike state- and blinked at Catra. “She’s not back yet?”   
  
Catra bit back her annoyance. “No. She’s not back yet.”   
  
Bow fiddled with the pages of his book, “I mean. She may have gone to Mara’s cabin? She never really told us where she goes. But that would be my guess.”   
  
Catra was already standing up. “Great, where is it?”   
  
Bow gave her some pretty vague and hard to understand instructions, pointing out the window past the cattle fields and towards a road that ran beyond their property.   
“Great, are you coming?” Catra asked, zipping up her jacket.   
  
“We’ll wait here, in case she comes back. I’ll text you if she does. Let us know if you find her, okay?” Bow looked like he was also struggling to stay calm at this point. 

  
Catra nodded her agreement and left the kitchen.

  
Catra tried to push down her worry as she slipped her shoes on and stepped outside. Fuck, it was cold. Where had this weather come from? It wasn’t frigid, definitely above zero; but Catra knew that once it started raining it would definitely feel like it was.   
  
She popped her collar against the wind, and set off across the property. Walking past the horse barn, she could see Swift Wind outside of it. Well, she could see his rump. He was hiding in some sort of wind shelter. Catra was thinking he had the right sort of idea.   
  
With one last baleful look at the sky, Catra continued. 


	12. Chapter 12

* * *

_"And I will hold_   
_I'll hold onto you_   
_No matter what this world'll throw_   
_It won't shake me loose"_

* * *

Catra had been walking almost half an hour when the wind suddenly died down and the sky let loose. Rain came down in slanted sheets and the icy droplets burned against Catra’s already cold skin. In minutes she was shivering, but she refused to turn around and head back.    
  
She’d been walking along a dirt road just past Bright Moon Meadow’s property line. It was clear this road wasn’t used much. It was full of potholes that were quickly becoming a myriad of tiny muddy lakes.    
  
The hissing of the rain in Catra’s ears made it hard to listen for anything that may have been Adora. Her pocket buzzed occasionally and her heart would leap into her throat, but it was always just Bow asking if she’d found Adora yet.    
  
“Adora?” Catra called into the rain. She could barely see down the road through the heavy downpour.    
  
Of course she was met with only the icy hissing noise of rain drops hitting the earth in the millions.    
  
Catra trudged on, her mood getting worse with every disgustingly muddy step. She was soaked through in a matter of minutes, her jacket really wasn’t made for this, all it did was hold the water. Her feet squished in the small oceans forming inside her shoes. Her hair dripped in her eyes, making it hard to see. Still, Catra kept walking. Her eyes scanning meticulously for any signs of Adora. All she could see were misty fields and dripping trees. Thunder rumbled above her head.    
  
_ I swear to god, if I came out here and Adora is tucked inside that cabin all warm and cozy and safe… I’m going to strangle her. _

But that’s not what she found.    
  
Through the gloom, Catra saw the rough shape of something that could have been a building through a small cluster of overgrown trees and bushes. Her heart beat a little faster. Bow had mentioned that Mara’s cabin was the only one out here for miles. This had to be it.    
  
Catra walked a little faster, tripping in a few deceivingly deep puddles but managing to stay upright.    
  
She found Adora, but relief wasn’t the emotion she experienced seeing her.    
  
Adora sat on the overgrown lawn out front of the Cabin. Her legs crossed and her arms resting limply in her lap. Her eyes stared forlornly at the cabin in front of her. Rain had soaked every inch of her, and her breath misted around her face in white clouds. Christ, was it really that cold? Catra shivered involuntarily at the thought. Then shivered again because it was fucking cold out here.   
Adora’s ponytail had come loose, and her hair hung dripping over her shoulders and in her eyes. She didn’t move, completely still. Not a good sign.   
  
“Adora!” Catra gasped, jogging towards her. “What are you doing? Get out of the rain!”    
  
Adora glanced up at her and Catra froze. Her expression made Catra’s heart go from elated to stone cold. She looked so distraught. Her blue eyes red from tears. There were no words to describe the weight of the pain in her eyes.    
  
“Oh my- Adora. Adora, are you okay?” Catra asked, crouching down in front of her. The grass squelched beneath her soaked shoes.    
  
Adora took an agonizingly long moment before she responded, rain dripping off her lips and into her mouth as she spoke. Catra could see now that Adora was shivering violently, she hadn’t been completely still after all.    
  
“Catra? What are you doing out here?” Adora’s voice was heavy, distant, like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Catra knew the feeling.   
  
“You’ve been gone a while, and the weather is shit.” Catra scoffed, “Will you come back, please? You look freezing.”    
  
Adora blinked and looked around. “What time is it?”    
  
“It’s past noon by now, I think.” Catra couldn’t check, worried about damaging her phone in the rain.    
  
“Oh. I’m sorry. I guess I just… lost track of time. Aren’t you supposed to be heading back?”    
  
“Not today, Scorpia doesn’t want to- hey. Whoa. Why are you crying?” 

Adora had averted her gaze and sniffled, choking back an agonized sounding sob. Even with the rain Catra could see that she was shedding tears now. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”    
  
“You’re sitting in the rain, crying like you’re in some cheesy romance novel. It’s not  _ nothing _ . What’s wrong?” Catra had to fight to keep the shivers out of her voice. Sitting still was worse. She couldn’t imagine what Adora was feeling.    
  
To answer her, a violent course of tremors made Adora’s teeth chatter. “It’s just. It’s a hard day. You know.”    
  
It wasn’t a question. Catra did know. Catra spent a lot of time trying to forget this week but Adora clearly didn’t want to. Or wasn’t able to. It didn’t matter, Adora was feeling all of it.    
  
Catra caved and sat herself down onto the muddy ground next to Adora. “I’m sorry about Mara.”    
  
Adora shrugged, and she returned her stare to the cabin. Catra glanced up to get a good look at it. Christ, that place had seen better days. Catra understood why Adora wasn’t inside. The whole thing was falling apart. It was mostly a pile of mossy beams and shingles. It couldn’t even be called a proper building anymore. Just a pile of oversized, decaying sticks.    
  
Another gust of wind brought down the rain with renewed force and Catra spat rain water out of her mouth.    
  
“Catra. I’m.” Adora’s voice wobbled and Catra looked at her again. She was staring hard at the ground. “I’m really sorry.”    
  
“For what?”    
  
“I should have tried harder for you. You must have been so alone. I had Mara, and Bow and Glimmer. You were alone.” Adora’s voice cracked and she lowered her head into her hands.    
  
The rain continued to come down in torrents.    
  
Catra wasn’t sure what to say at first. She had been alone, it had been awful. It had downright been the worst year in her life. Catra couldn’t count the number of times she had sobbed herself to sleep, crying for Adora to come back. How many times she thought that life just wasn’t worth living after all that loss. Unable to be consoled by anyone. She’d spent years wishing Adora could have felt that pain, to know what it was like to hurt so badly that she wanted to claw her own heart out of her chest and throw it away. So she’d regret not coming back for Catra.   
  
Now, looking at Adora sobbing in the rain and looking small and afraid and feeling everything that Catra’s spite had wanted her to; Catra didn’t want Adora to feel like  _ this  _ at all. Adora had lost just as much as Catra had, if not more.    
  
“You’re an idiot.” Catra murmured, bringing her arm around Adora’s shoulders. She could feel the shivering and shaking from her crying. She was icy and wet to the touch. 

_ No shit, Sherlock. _ Catra thought to herself.  _ It’s raining.  _   
  
Adora shuddered violently, and leaned into Catra’s side. Her head resting on Catra’s shoulder. Catra felt tears burn at her own eyes, seeing Adora like this. “We have to get out of the rain. You’re going to get sick.” Catra murmured into the top of Adora’s head. Even through the rain, Catra thought she could smell her shampoo.    
  
Adora shuddered again, slow to respond, but she nodded. Catra helped her to her feet.    
  
“Let me just let Bow know that- shit.” Catra had pulled out her phone and tried to text bow, but the screen stubbornly stayed black. Either the rain had killed it, or the battery died. Either way, Bow would have to wait. “Never mind, let’s just get going.”    
  
Catra led Adora back to the road and they walked together all the way back to Bright Moon. Adora had her arms wrapped tightly around her middle, sweatshirt soaked completely through and hanging off of her like a soaked rag. Adora’s lips had begun to turn blue by the time they were back on the farm’s property, and she was barely able to stand by the time they made it inside the front door. It was really a pathetic sight. All the while the rain didn’t let up once.    
  


Water pooled around their feet while they tugged off their waterlogged shoes. The house was empty and silent. Catra wasn’t sure where they would have gone, but at the moment she was kind of glad. Adora looked exhausted, halfway to frozen, and fragile. She kept sniffling and wiping at her eyes; Catra didn’t think it was rain water she was wiping away.    
  
She nudged Adora towards the stairs and they went up, leaving a trail of tiny puddles in their wake. Eh, they would dry.    
  
Adora shuffled into her room and looked back at Catra in her doorway. Catra was shivering too, but she was wary about letting Adora out of her sight. “Get into warm clothes.” Catra prompted.    
  
Adora looked a little lost, but she nodded and began peeling her soaked clothing off. Despite almost being a Cat-cicle, Catra felt heat rush to her face and she turned around quickly to give Adora some privacy.    
  
“Do you need something dry too?” Adora’s voice croaked from just over her shoulder.    
  
Catra turned around. She’d changed into another hoodie and a pair of soccer shorts. Catra was beginning to suspect that Adora just didn’t like having pant legs touching her scars. Her hair was still dripping though, and Catra frowned at it.    
  
“Yeah, actually. I have nothing warm. I have pants though.” Adora nodded and stepped back into her room, digging through her dresser. She tugged out another hoodie - how many did Adora own?- and tossed it to Catra.    
  
She nodded and stepped out of the room. Adora followed her, looking lost as ever. Her eyes were still foggy from pain and the cold. Catra paused in the hall, and so did Adora.    
  
“I’ll be right back. Go towel your hair out or something.” Catra nudged Adora towards the bathroom.    
  
While Adora did that, Catra slipped into the guest bedroom to grab her shorts. Scorpia and Perfuma were nestled in close together watching something on a phone propped up against their legs.    
  
“Oh, Catra. Why are you all wet? Aren’t you cold? Are you okay, do you need a blanket?” Scorpia was already beginning to get up but Catra held out her hand to stop her.    
  
“Yeah, I’m fine, Scorpia. I just got caught in the rain, is all. Don’t worry about it.”    
Catra darted back out of the room before Scorpia could ask anymore questions.    
  
Adora was still in the bathroom towelling her hair, so Catra stepped into Adora’s room to get changed. Quickly peeling off her layers of soaked and freezing clothing and dropping them in a pile near the door. Before Adora could come back in, she shimmied into her own pair of soccer shorts and into the slightly too large sweater from Adora.    
  
Without thinking, she brought the collar of it to her nose and sniffed it. It smelled like a combination of hay and laundry detergent. She felt her chest warm up just a little.    
  
Adora stepped into the room and Catra quickly released the sweater, her face flushing a bit.    
  
“Feeling better?” Catra asked, taking the towel from Adora and beginning to dry off her own hair the best she could.    
  
Adora shrugged and rubbed her arm, still shivering, eyes downcast. “Yeah, a little.”    
  
Catra tossed the towel onto her pile of wet clothes. Shivering again, but at least she wasn’t soaked anymore.    
  
Catra glanced at Adora’s bed. “Here, uh, go lie down.” Catra gently took Adora’s arm and tugged her towards it.    
  
The whole thing was shoved up against a slanted window, the rain pounding against the pane and cascading down in a calming waterfall. The noise alone made Catra want to crawl under the covers and never come out.    
  
Adora didn’t resist, she climbed onto the bed and sat on the sheets, shivering so hard that Catra saw the bed moving just a little. God, her heart ached with sympathy.    
  
Catra started to tug the blankets over Adora when she was stopped by Adora’s frigid hand. Adora was shaking her head. “Aren’t you cold too?”    
  
“I mean yeah, but I have my own bed to go to.” Catra shrugged. “Hey, where’s your phone? I promised Bow I would tell him when I found you.”    
  
Adora nodded towards her bed side table where her cell phone was sitting plugged in. She didn’t protest as Catra unlocked it. She was surprised to see that the home screen was a photo of a photo of them together as little kids. Their first Halloween together as friends, back in senior kindergarten. Catra had been dressed as a cat, and Adora was wearing a very adorable ladybug costume. Catra glanced up at Adora, but she was lost again in her thoughts. Sitting limply on the bed and staring out the window. Catra wondered if her thoughts were back in the fire that had ruined their lives.

  
Catra chose not to comment, and found Bow’s contact to text him.    
  
She set the phone back down without waiting for a reply. “I’ll just be in the next room okay? You just. Uh. Get warm.”    
  
Adora turned her very hard to ignore blue eyes back to Catra. She looked a little panicked all of a sudden. “You could… Stay, if you wanted to.”    
  
Catra hesitated. “I mean yeah, I’ll just-” She looked around, seeing an ancient and very uncomfortable looking rocking chair in the corner of the room. She would almost prefer the floor again.   
  
“No, dummy.” Adora’s voice sounded only slightly more lively than before. Catra looked at her. She was patting the empty half of the bed. “Here.”   
  
Catra felt her face warm a little, but she didn’t argue. God, she was so freezing and that comforter looked very inviting. She stepped into the bed and rested her head against the headboard, intending to just sit up and wait for Adora to feel better. That’s not what happened. Adora finally tucked the blanket over herself, and over Catra but she stubbornly pulled Catra down into a laying position first. Even with the covers over them both, Adora was shivering. It was definitely making the bed vibrate with her.    
  
She grunted in surprise when Adora scooted closer to Catra and nestled herself into her side much like she would have when they were kids. Her skin was ice cold against Catra’s, and she was only regretting it a little bit that she hadn’t found longer pant legs to protect herself from Adora’s cold touch. Catra tensed as Adora rested her head back against her shoulder, her hand fisting in the material of the sweater Catra had been given. Adora grew still and Catra remained tense, but she didn’t try to pull away. 

The rain beat against the window and Catra lay looking up at the water falling over the glass. Hyper aware of Adora pressed right up against her side. 

“If this is too weird for you, I can move.” Adora muttered quietly. Catra almost couldn't understand her. 

“It’s fine. Do you… are you feeling better?” Catra asked, her voice a little hoarse. 

Adora nodded, but she still shivered. 

  
Catra sighed and tentatively brought her arm around Adora’s shoulder, pulling her in closer. Telling herself it was just so that Adora and herself could warm up faster and that was it.    
  
She wasn’t sure when they fell asleep, but between Adora’s slowly warming form, the rain on the glass, and the exhaustion that was slamming her after being so worried for so long; they were basically dead to the world straight through until the next morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¬‿¬


	13. Chapter 13

* * *

_"You don't wanna waste any more time  
On let downs or heart breaks  
Now we're day drunk in the back seat of a taxi  
And you're telling me you wanna kiss me  
But we shouldn't 'cause we're just friends"_

* * *

Adora woke up early the next morning. At least it had to be the next morning, because morning sunlight was streaming through her window and straight into her face. How long had she been asleep? She winced and tugged her blanket over her head. Her whole body was sore just from the amount of shivering she’d done yesterday.    
  
What had even happened? She’d tried to sleep after the campfire, but couldn’t. The sharp melancholy of the morning had turned into the dull blade of depression by the end of the night when Adora began thinking about how Catra was leaving in the morning to go back to Dryl. Probably never to be seen again. Adora tried not to wince at the squeeze her heart made. She’d already been sad about her parents and Mara, and that was normal for this time of year. But Catra, on top of that, had just pushed her right past her tolerance for emotional distress.    
  
She’d snuck back down and outside before the sun had even begun thinking about coming above the horizon, and she remembered vaguely noticing the collection of storm clouds. She’d walked straight to Mara’s cabin, and everything after that was fuzzy until Catra had shown up.    
  
Catra.    
  
Adora pulled the blanket off of her head and attempted to prop herself up on her elbow only to find that her arm was trapped under… Yeah, Catra. She was laying almost close enough to be touching. Slowly Adora wiggled her arm free from under Catra’s sleeping body and sat up to observe.    
  
She was sleeping on her side, back to Adora and curled in a half-fetal position. The sunlight landed on her back, and Adora could see that even just a few days of proper food had made Catra seem less like an emaciated street cat and more filled out, even through the sweater that Catra was still wearing. Catra was wearing Adora’s sweater. The thought alone brought a smile to Adora’s lips though she couldn’t fathom why. They’d shared lots of clothes as kids.

She could see that Catra’s hair had become an absolute disaster through the night, sticking up in interesting directions. The gentle morning sunlight caught the dust motes flying through the air and made the image of Catra sleeping in her bed like a dream. She must be, this didn’t quite feel like it was actually happening.   
  
Catra sighed in her sleep and rolled over onto her stomach, her arms folding themselves up under her pillow neatly. Asleep, all of the lines in Catra’s face had disappeared, she looked peaceful. No anger, or doubt, snark, or sarcasm on her face. Adora didn’t mean to, but she sat still, memorizing all it’s untouched angles. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever get to see her again, like this, or at all. She had just the smallest amount of drool at the corner of her mouth.    
  
Adora resisted laughing, and looked around the rest of her room. Everything was the same except the pile of still damp clothes by the door and Catra sleeping soundly next to her.    
  
It was just like when they were kids, only…. Only what? What was different? Adora ran a hand through her bed tousled hair while she pondered.    
  
Her thoughts wandered back into yesterday. She vaguely remembered Catra finding her in the rain. Her multicoloured eyes bright and beautiful; standing out against the dark cloud Adora had been consumed by. She’d forced Adora to come back, and good thing too. The cold of the rain rivalled the time she’d run out of the farm house to catch a still tiny Swift Wind making a break for it in the snow. Adora had been out in shorts, a long sleeved shirt, and barefoot despite the snow being well above her knees.    
  
Angella and Bow had had a field day with that one.    
  
Glimmer and Micah had just laughed at her and taken pictures of scrawny Adora on the porch, shivering and holding Swift Wind by his equally scrawny shoulders on the porch. 

She rubbed her forehead as the rest of the afternoon and evening came back to her. Catra made her change and dry off her hair, but Adora remembered feeling…. Scared? She’d been scared to be alone now that she had someone who understood, scared of Catra leaving her alone with the ghosts of her parents and of Mara haunting her every time she closed her eyes.    
  
Catra had stayed. She hadn’t thought that she would, but she did.    
  
Catra took another deep breath beside her, and Adora looked at her sleeping friend. She looked so comfortable, Adora wanted to just lay back down and tuck herself back into the curves of Catra’s side like she had the previous night. She remembered how easy it was. She remembered falling asleep to the steady sound of Catra’s heartbeat.   
  
Heat rose to Adora’s face at the memory and she quietly slipped out of the bed. She grabbed a couple fresh clothes and left the room so Catra could sleep undisturbed.    
  
Adora got changed in the bathroom as quickly as she could and them slipped downstairs into the kitchen.   
  
“Oh my god, Adora!” Bow’s voice cracked with his excitement. Adora barely had time to register the scraping of his chair on the floor before his arms were flung tightly around her. Shortly after she felt a second set of arms, Glimmer’s she deduced.   
  
Adora laughed and patted her friend’s shoulders from her awkward position. “Hey, guys”    
  
“You had us all so worried yesterday.” Bow’s voice got softer, “Are you okay?”    
  
Adora hesitated, unsure if she wanted to talk about it. But these were her best friends.   
  
“Yeah, I’m okay now.” Adora stepped back to look at their faces. Both of them looked concerned and she felt guilty for making them so worried in the first place. “I thought Catra was leaving, and I guess I was already feeling pretty bad about... You now. Mara, and my parents. I think. I think I had some kind of breakdown. But I really am okay now. Catra found me, brought me back here.”    
  
Bow and Glimmer exchanged a look. Adora narrowed her eyes. “What?”    
  
“Nothing, we’re just glad you’re okay.” Bow smiled, his eyes twinkling.    
  
“Did you sleep okay?” Glimmer’s voice was shaking with poorly hidden laughter.    
  
“...yes?”    
  
“And how about Catra?”    
  
“I think she- wait. No!” Adora’s face felt very hot and she just knew she was blushing as hard as she’d ever blushed. “It’s not like that! Oh my god, guys. We just fell asleep. It’s not- we’re just friends.”   
  
Bow and Glimmer looked at each other, clearly they didn’t believe her.    
  
“Are you sure?”   
  
“Yes! God, we used to have sleepovers all the time as kids.” Adora muttered, feeling compelled to hide her face in her hands.    
  
“We know, but you were cuddling-”   
  
“I WAS  **COLD!** ” Adora groaned, “I’m serious, please don’t make this weird.”    
  
Her friends laughed but seemed to let it go. Adora grumbled to herself and decided she wasn’t in the mood for breakfast. Opting to instead go outside and visit Swift Wind. Maybe go for a quick ride before the day threw any more unpleasant surprises at her.    
  
The grass was still damp from the rain and birds happily splashed around in puddles on the weaving gravel paths between the buildings.    
  
She stood at the edge of the largest pasture, the one she knew the farm hands had put Swift Wind in in preparation for the storm. Adora brought her fingers to her lips and whistled as loud as she could.    
  
Not seconds later a loud whiny from the other side of the field greeted her. Adora felt a grin spread across her face and she pulled the gate open in time for her horse to come thundering out. His coat glistened with leftover rain residue and morning dew from the grass. He shimmered in the morning light.    
  
“Hey, Swifty.” Adora greeted affectionately when he pushed his giant head into her chest for scratches and snuggles. She was almost pushed off of her feet from his eagerness for attention.    
  
She remembered when he came into her life, a scrawny colt who could barely stand. No one had thought he’d even make it through the night.    
  
Adora had been laying on Angella’s couch, wrapped in a blanket and was only just beginning to become functional again after Mara’s sudden death. It had been a couple months, fall was in full swing. The trees had turned hundreds of vibrant colours and the days had lost all their heat. She’d been dimly aware that her birthday was coming up, but was still too lost in grief to care about it.    
  
Cartoons were playing on the giant living room television. Bow and Glimmer were sitting on either side of her, sharing a bowl of popcorn. They’d been with her nearly every day since Adora had lost the only other parental figure in her life, and she couldn’t be more grateful that they existed.    
  
The house phone rang loudly. All three of the children turned to watch Angella hurry across the house to answer it.    
“Hello? … Yes, this is She.”    
  
Angella stood silently listening to the other end, and Adora lost interest and turned to watch the road runner keep her upper hand on the wiley coyote for the third time that episode.    
  
“I don’t know…. I don’t think that she can take another- No. I understand you can’t. “ Angella sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I suppose… But. She’s starting to do better. I really don’t want her to take another loss…”   
  
Glimmer nudged Adora and nodded towards her mother. Adora glanced back over to Angella. Was she talking about Adora? Fear made her stomach cramp and she gripped Glimmer’s hand tightly. Were they coming to take Adora away from her friends? She really didn’t think she could lose them. Not after Mara. Not after her parents … Not after Catra.    
  
She felt Bow grip her shoulder gently, a comforting gesture but anxiety still swirled inside her.   
  
Angella sighed, listening to the other end for what felt like forever. Finally, “Yes, bring him over. We’ll watch him for you tonight.” And then she hung up the phone.    
  
Angella’s motherly expression turned on Adora and she felt herself shrink into the couch.    
  
Angella took a deep breath through her nose, and then walked over to Adora. Kneeling in front of her on the couch. She already felt the tears pricking at her eyes, but Angella’s expression was kind and relaxed. Nothing like Mara’s had been the day she took Adora from Catra.    
  
“I have a little project for you.” Adora perked up a little. “One of our neighbours had a mare reject her foal last night. They have to leave town though, and can’t look after him. He’s very sick. They’re going to bring him here.”    
  
“Why?” Adora heard herself ask, leaning forward towards Angella.    
  
“They thought maybe you’d like something to do, and he needs some help. ”    
  
Adora’s heart throbbed. This colt had no parents either. Even worse, his mom didn’t want him. “You want me to take care of him?”    
Angella nodded. “Just for tonight, the neighbors will be back tomorrow to take him back home.”    
  
Adora was already nodding vigorously. “Yeah! Of course I will! When will he be here?”    
  
Angella seemed relieved, standing back up. “In an hour or so. Bow, Glimmer. Why don’t you help Adora clear out a stall in the barn for him, so he has a nice warm place to sleep?”    
  
But she hadn’t even needed to ask. Adora and her best friends were already scrambling off the couch, spilled popcorn going everywhere, and racing towards the door to put on their fall jackets and shoes. Adora was still stubbornly wearing shorts - she hated the sensation of fabric on her freshly healed scars- but otherwise she was warm.    
  
They spent the next hour obsessing in the barn. Pulling the spare wheelbarrows and tires, and other junk out of a spare stall and setting them outside. Clearing out the rotting straw and replacing it with fresh sawdust. Glimmer said that they didn’t need to, but Adora still scrubbed all the cobwebs and spider nests out of the corners. Bow helped Adora gather up all the spare stable blankets they could find. It was starting to get very cold at night, they would need them.   
  
“Baby horses need to eat a lot…” Glimmer muttered, and then went digging around in one of the many storage boxes that lined the tack room at the far end of the barn. She came back with a container reading ‘Foal Formula’. Glimmer couldn’t lift it by herself, she was dragging it over the packed earth of the stable floor.    
Bow worked meticulously in the tack room sink cleaning out old formula bottles they used for calves on the farm who had also been rejected by their moms.    
  
By the time they were done, the stall was spotless and the trio were filthy.    
  
Angella came to join them in the barn, Micah standing at her shoulder.    
  
“They’re pulling up,” Micah’s voice called to them from outside the stall.    
  
Adora stood straight up, the movement making the stiffness in her leg ache but she didn’t care. Micah smiled and waved her out and together the group of them went to go meet the farmer out in the driveway. He didn’t have a horse trailer, just a truck. This confused Adora. Shouldn’t a horse be in a trailer? That’s what movies had led her to believe, anyways.   
  
Micah gripped her shoulder to keep her from running up to the farmer and his husband as they got out of their vehicle and stepped to the back doors. Adora strained to see past them.    
  
The larger of the couple stepped back finally and Adora’s heart sank. In his arms was a very small, very sick looking colt. His head was resting on the farmer’s shoulder, too weak to hold it up himself. He looked like a small skeleton of a horse, rather than an actual living creature.    
  
“He should really be with a vet…” Angella murmured to herself, sounding worried.    
  
“Don’t worry, Angella.” Micah comforted. “I’m sure it’ll be okay.”   
  
“Micah, he doesn’t even look like he’ll make it through the night.”    
  
“He’s strong. He’ll be okay. Like me.” Adora joined, shocking both her adoptive guardians.    
  
Neither of them answered, but they both smiled warmly at her. Micah nodded.    
  
Bow and Glimmer followed closely behind Adora as they walked back towards the barn. Bow showing the farmers the stall they had cleaned out with Glimmer making a big show of how Adora had even removed the cobwebs.    
  
“Well, now. Ain’t that somethin’.” The farmer indulged, setting the cold down in the biggest pile of sawdust. The colt’s bones poked at his skin in a way that looked painful to Adora. She’d seen a dog like that once, but it hadn’t survived. Now that he wasn’t bundled up in the farmers arms, she could see him more clearly. His coat was a dusty looking brown, and his legs were long and knobby. Adora had seen adult horses and she couldn’t believe that they were ever this tiny. His head rested weakly on the ground, his eyes half shut and cloudy with sickness.    
  
Adora’s heart surged with affection.    
  
“Okay, now, here’s what you gotta do to keep him happy, okay?”    
  
Adora listened carefully, memorizing every word. The list was surprisingly short, but she made a point of repeating it back anyways just to prove she knew what she was doing.    
  
“Why didn’t his mom want him?” Adora asked before the farmers got back out on the road.    
  
They looked at each other, and the taller one answered. “Sometimes mares just don’t want their babies. There are lots of reasons, but in this case, we think it’s because he was born so sick.”    
  
“That’s not fair.” Adora could feel the tears burning in her eyes and throat.    
  
“No, honey. It ain’t. Take good care of him, okay? Keep him happy and comfortable.”    
  
Adora didn’t know it then, but the farmers had thought that Swift Wind was going to die through the night, and had handed him over to Bright Moon because it was their last hope of giving him a chance. They simply didn’t have the time to nurse him back to health with all their other work and the vet was out of town answering another call in the next county.   
  
“I will!” Adora had answered, and waved at them as they drove off again.    
  
Adora had immediately gone back into the barn, and Micah had shown Adora, Glimmer, and Bow how to feed him, how much to feed him, and how often, and then he’d left the kids to it.    
  
Adora entered the stall with a blanket and bottle in hand, and nestled herself in next to the foals head. Lifting it and easing it into her lap. She stroked his soft baby down and stared into his sleepy brown eyes. Already completely entranced by him.    
  
“Did they name him?” Adora asked her friends, who were sitting next to each other in the adjacent corner of the stall.    
  
“No, I don't think so.” Glimmer shrugged, “Mom said that we shouldn’t name him, in case he doesn’t make it.”    
  
“Why wouldn’t he make it?” Asked Adora, frowning. “Are they just going to give up on him?”    
  
“I don’t know. But we should name him anyways.” Bow suggested, looking at the foal's scrawny body in Adora’s lap.    
  
“Yeah…” Adora muttered, looking back down at him.    
  
Together they brainstormed what must have been a hundred names, but came up with nothing. Eventually Glimmer got frustrated at their lack of progress and got up, walking out of the stall. Adora and Bow had shared a confused look, but Glimmer came back with a dusty looking book that must have come from somewhere in the barn.    
  
When Adora asked about it, Glimmer showed her the cover, but it was super faded so Adora couldn’t make it out. “It’s a book of famous horses.” Glimmer clarified when she saw Adora’s dumbfounded expression.    
  
Adora beamed.    
  
Glimmer began listing names off as she flipped through the pages. “Secretariat … Man O’ War … Red Rum … Trigger.” Glimmer squinted, trying to pronounce, “Zenyatta.”    
  
Adora listened quietly, waiting for one that caught their ears.    
  
“Ruffian, Exterminator, Alydar, Swift Wind, Seabiscuit-”    
  
“Wait, what was that last one?”    
  
“Swift Wind?”    
  
“Yeah. What did that one do?”    
  
Glimmer took a moment to scan the text, “Uh, it says here that he was a race horse. An underdog that took everyone by surprise with his record winning track times. It says here that he won the hearts of millions with his big heart and love of racing.”    
  
Adora took a moment to think about it, looking down at the sickly foal by her side. He’d opened his eyes all the way and was staring up at Adora curiously, flicking his fuzzy ears.    
  
“I think it fits.” Bow commented, scooting over to Adora to stroke the colt’s neck gently.    
  
“Me too,” Adora agreed, “He’s a fighter.”    
  
The colt nickered weakly and they all laughed.    
“He must like it too. Swift Wind it is.” Adora beamed, reaching for the bottle of formula and holding the nip at Swift Wind’s nose to entice him. Almost immediately he latched on and struggled to sit up enough to guzzle the milky substance.    
  
Adora was still with little Swift Wind long after the sun had gone down. She’d snuggled up around him, her head on his little bony shoulder, and fallen asleep there. Blankets piled over them. Waking up every couple hours to feed him some more. Glimmer and Bow stayed with Adora, but they stayed asleep all night long. Still, Adora appreciated that they stuck with her.    
  
Adora couldn’t deny it, she was in love with Swift Wind. She didn’t want to give him up in the morning when his owners came back to get him.    
  
Adora stirred from her sleep when she felt movement underneath her, the warmth of the colt’s body moving away from her.    
  
She sat up, rubbing her eyes and removing some pieces of saw dust from her mouth. “Swifty?” She muttered groggily, blinking against the harsh morning light through the barred stall window.    
  
It took her a moment, but when she saw that Swift Wind was standing up by himself, she nearly screamed her excitement. Scrambling to her feet and dancing her barely contained elation.    
  
“You’re standing up!” Adora exclaimed, throwing her arms out at him in a gleeful gesture.    
  
Her noise roused her friends who looked less than happy to have slept in a stall all night. But when they saw why Adora was so excited they also stumbled to their feet and danced up and down with Adora.    
  
Swift Wind wobbled on his stick thin legs, looking dangerously close to falling back over, but he was  _ standing _ .    
  
Adora quickly got him his bottle so that he could eat. He sucked the bottle dry in a matter of moments and sniffed around Adora’s hands and waist for more. Adora laughed, giddy and happier than she’d been in a long time. He was going to be okay, she had been right.    
  
Adora proudly strutted out of the stall to get herself some water after a night full of dusty stable air, and was even more thrilled to see that Swift Wind followed her on unstable legs. Nickering his protests at being left behind.    
  
When the farmer came back -only one of them returned for their colt- later that afternoon, he seemed genuinely happy and surprised.    
  
“Well I’ll be,” He explained, repositioning his baseball cap in shock.    
  
Adora had been out in the front yard running around, with Swift Wind happily trotting after her and getting used to his new found ability to walk and play. Adora laughing and Swift Wind stumbling while they played their make-shift game of tag. 

Adora had spotted the farmer’s truck and stopped in her tracks, only to be bowled over by Swift Wind who hadn’t quite gotten a handle on his braking system yet.    
  
“He’s like a whole different horse!” The farmer grinned, slapping his knee and watching them with delight.    
  
Adora walked up to him slowly, her arm around the colt’s shoulders. He nibbled playfully at her fingers. “Are you here to take Swift Wind back now?”    
  
“Swift Wind?” The farmer asked, puzzled. Realization dawning on his face when he put the pieces together. “Ah, yeah…Hmm… Y’know, I’m just gonna go talk to Angella ‘n Micah first, m’kay?”    
  
Adora nodded sadly and watched him walk up to the farmhouse. She’d really fallen in love with this little horse. She didn’t want to say goodbye to him already.    
  
Glimmer and Bow followed the Farmer back up to the house, glancing back over their shoulders at Adora with sad expressions that mirrored Adora’s..    
  
Adora sighed and sat down in the grass, resting her head in her hands while she waited. Swift Wind snorted, and clumsily laid down next to her. Though, it really was more of a tumble. He rested his head in her lap and heaved a great big sigh, closing his eyes for a nap. Adora supposed that being a little horse must be pretty exhausting.    
  
She waited outside for several minutes, gently stroking Swift Wind’s ears. Her eyes cast off down the driveway towards the road, remembering the time she’d tried to walk back to Thaymor and wondering what Catra was doing right then.    
  
“Adora?” Angella called from the porch, and she turned. “Will you come here for a moment?”    
  
Swift Wind groaned tiredly when Adora removed herself from his side, but he seemed pretty content to stay where he lay. She made her way to the front porch, but she wasn’t happy about it.    
  
“We have a proposition for you.” Micah clarified once she’d joined everyone up on the porch.    
  
She looked to Bow and Glimmer for more info but they just stood smiling at her happily. It only made Adora more confused.    
  
“Yeah?” She asked, suddenly nervous.    
  
“We know your birthday is next week,” Angella started, “and we can see how much you seem to like our little guest.”   
  
Adora furrowed her brows in further confusion.    
  
“Rob here,”    
  
Oh so that was his name, Adora realized, glancing up at the farmer.    
  
“He was saying he just doesn’t have the time to raise an orphaned foal, and that he’d be honoured if you would take care of him for good. But he’d be your responsibility, not ours. Got it?”    
  
Adora blanched, “What? Really?”    
  
Rob smiled and motioned towards Swift Wind’s tiny sleeping form in the grass. “Yeah, he seems to have really takin’ a likin’ to you, Adora. I just wouldn’ feel right takin’ him back home even if I did have the time.”    
  
Adora bounced from foot to foot, barely able to contain her glee. She swung her arms around Rob’s waist, thanking him profusely. Doing the same for Micah and Angella, who all laughed at her explosion of happiness. She darted back into the lawn to tell Swift Wind her exciting news. 

  
It had almost been the best birthday gift ever, seconded only by the golden charm bracelet that still hung around her wrist.   
  
Adora stroked Swift Wind’s long face and rested her forehead against his. The smell of wild flowers and hay clung to his mane and she breathed in the comforting familiar scent. She hadn’t known he’d grow up to be completely white - he’d had the world’s worst puberty experience by anyone’s standards- but she loved him all the same. She laughed at the memory of him as a yearling. All awkwardly proportioned and clumps of dark fur still clinging to his new adult coat. He was quite the ugly young horse.    
  
She ran her hand down his strong neck and back up again. Letting the cool morning breeze ruffle her hair and refresh them both. Swift Wind’s deep even breaths brought her a calm that only he could.    
  
“Hey, Adora.”    
  
Catra’s slow voice shocked her out of her rest and she jerked her back straight, spinning to see where it had come from.    
  
Catra stood a few feet behind her, no longer wearing Adora’s sweatshirt. She tried to ignore her disappointment in that. Her hair was damp, like she’d just showered. Adora supposed that her bed head had required one. In the morning light, Catra’s eyes glistened brightly in contrast to each other. Disorientingly beautiful. A small smirk rested on her lips. Adora looked back at her horse.    
  
“Good morning,” She greeted, “Sleep well?”    
  
“Your bed is very comfortable,” Catra almost purred, and it sent a shiver down Adora’s spine.    
  
“I’m glad to hear you think so.” Adora stepped to Swift Wind’s shoulder and hauled herself up onto his back with a motion made familiar by years of practice.    
  
“Going for a ride?” Catra asked, her eyes tracking Adora’s every movement. Something that did not go unnoticed by Adora.    
  
Adora nodded, nudging Swift Wind forward. “Yeah,”    
She noticed Catra flinch away from Swift Wind and her heart sank, just a little. “Do you… do you want to come?”    
  
Adora held her hand out for Catra, fully expecting her to say no and make fun of her horse again.    
  
But like last night, Catra surprised her. She hesitated, reaching her hand out and then pulling it back. Seeming to think about it. Her eyes watched Swift Wind nervously.    
Catra’s eyes met Adora’s, and her indecision solidified into resolve. She reached out for Adora’s hand.    
  
Adora pulled Catra up onto Swift Wind’s back with her easily, Catra sitting behind so that Adora could see the ground ahead.    
  
Catra fidgeted behind her and Adora knew she didn’t know what to hold on to. She rolled her eyes and grasped blindly behind her back until she found Catra’s wrists, and secured them around her waist.    
  
Butterflies fluttered in her stomach.    
  
“This horse better not kill me,” Catra muttered grumpily into Adora’s ear, her hot breath making goosebumps rise on her arms.    
  
“He won’t. He’s perfect.” Adora laughed.    
  
She looked down at Swift Wind, calm and alert beneath her, and unexpected nerves tangled in her stomach with the butterflies.    
  
She wanted her to love him.    



	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the shorter chapter! the one after it is longer~

* * *

_"It's hard to fight these feelings  
When it feels so hard to breathe  
Caught up in this moment  
Caught up in your smile"_

* * *

Catra gripped Adora’s waist for dear life as soon as the horse beneath them started moving. 

_ Holy shit this feels weird _ , Catra thought looking down at the ground. 

She could feel every move the horse made, every shifting muscle, every twitch, and every step. Why had she agreed to this? What sort of hair brained moment had she been having? Panic gripped her and she found herself holding Adora tighter. 

She felt Adora squirm a little, “Catra? I can’t breathe.” The other girl coughed. 

“Sorry.” Catra whispered nervously. 

“ _ Catra. _ ” 

“Right,” she loosened her grip.

Adora took a deep breath and half turned to face Catra, forcing Catra to loosen her grip all the way, her hands now only gripping Adora’s sweater. The material was soft in her hands.

“I promise you’re going to be okay. Just trust me, alright?”

Catra hadn’t been this close to Adora’s face in a long time. Not since childhood. She could see all the details. Every healed scar, every freckle. Her scarred eyebrow, which was just as cute up close as it was from a distance. The gentle curve of her mouth, slightly lopsided. Adora’s eyes, blue as the sky above them, had tiny flecks of gold in them and she may have been imagining it but they almost seemed to glint. Had they always been there? Were Adora’s eyes always this good looking? They must have been but Catra was only just noticing them -this detail- now. Her stomach twisted in a combination of anxiety and something… else. A pull.

Catra nodded, “Yeah yeah, just drive your horse. Eyes on the road, princess.”

Adora smiled, rolling her eyes, then she turned to face forward again. Catra brought her arms back around Adora’s waist, but not as tight as before. 

Adora was kind enough to keep it to a speedy walk- Adora had explained that this was as slow as Swift Wind gets- that Catra would have had to jog to keep up with had she been on foot. Adora claimed she was in control, but really it seemed more like Swift Wind was going wherever he wanted to.    
  
Adora was quietly humming to herself while they made their way through the property and into the many vast fields surrounding the farm. The further they went, the more Catra relaxed. Gradually getting used to being on top of a horse, of all places.    
  
The stallion seemed calm as could be, barely seeming to notice the two people on his back. He swivelled his ears back to listen to Adora hum, and once again she had to appreciate Swift Wind’s sense. Even just Adora’s hum sounded incredible.    
  
Catra listened to it quietly, recognizing the tune but being unable to place it. slowly coming to the realization that she was right up against Adora’s back and she could feel it every time Adora moved to correct Swift Wind’s course. The now familiar heat rose back into her face and she tried to turn her face away, but there was nowhere to move away to.    
The cool breeze blew the scent of Adora into Catra’s face. Hay, laundry soap, and something else, something sweet. Lavender? It was hard to place. She found herself breathing it in and letting it distract her from the fact she was going against her every instinct by riding Swift Wind.    
  
“Are you okay back there? You’re pretty quiet.” Adora asked, turning her head to glance at Catra.    
  
She recoiled and leaned back, Adora’s face being so close that their noses almost brushed.    
  
“I’m good.” She croaked, and cleared her throat. “Where are we going?”    
  
Adora looked ahead again and shrugged. Catra thought she saw Adora’s cheeks redden as well, but she wasn’t sure. “I don’t really know, I just liked to get out and spend time with Swift Wind as often as I can. He charts the course, I’m just along for the ride.”    
  
“I can’t believe you put your life in the hands of a horse every morning.” Catra grumbled, shifting uncomfortably.    
  
Adora laughed lightly, “Don’t you trust me?”    
  
Catra huffed stubbornly, “No.”    
  
This earned another quiet chuckle, and then silence for another long while.    
They continued their trek through the back fields.   
She had to admit that the sun on her back and the quiet buzz of cicadas, the cool breeze and the clean air made Catra feel more at ease doing nothing in particular than she ever had back in Dryl.    
  
_ I don’t want to leave. _ Catra caught herself thinking it, and then mentally kicked herself for it.    
  
She didn’t want to go, but she had to. There was no changing it, so it didn’t matter how Catra felt.    
  
The breeze blew another waft of Adora’s scent into her face, and she felt herself wither inside a little. Almost like Adora was reading her mind, she asked, “So. Do you know when you’re heading back yet?”    
  
“Eager to get rid of me, Princess?” Catra almost winced at the bite in her own words.    
  
“No, I’m going to miss you when you go.” Adora’s words were blunt, and they surprised her.    
  
“I’m not sure. Probably some time today. We have to get back. Ms. Weaver is probably going apeshit, having to reschedule the like. Three shows she managed to get us.” Catra rolled her eyes.    
  
“Who?”    
  
“The lady who does all our booking. She’s not great at it, and she’s a mean old bitch.” Catra grumbled, bitterness rising in her throat. “But she’s what we have, so. From what I understand; that’s just show business.”    
  
“So she’s why you’re so eager to get going?” There it was, that edge to Adora’s voice.    
  
“Uh-huh. Well kinda. That, and we’re not really continuing to earn money out here. We have rent. Bills. A couple bookings.” Catra shrugged, noticing she was fiddling with the hem of Adora’s sweater and pulling her hand away.    
  
Adora hummed, “Do you like it? In Dryl?”    
  
“It is what it is. We get by.”    
  
“But do you like it?”   
  
_ No, I hate it. _ Catra thought to herself, remembering the cramped, stinking, over crowded city. “Yeah.” She lied.    
  
Adora didn’t seem to buy it, but she didn’t pry. Her fingers tied knots in the base of Swift Wind’s mane.    
  
“Do you like it out here?” Adora asked, glancing over her shoulder at Catra.    
  
Catra bit her tongue,  _ Yes. So much.  _ Whispered her heart, “There are a lot of bugs.” Said her mouth. 

_ Smooth _ .   
  
Adora laughed at that, and nodded. “Yeah, there really are. You get used to it, though.”    
  
“I don’t know, Adora. One bite from a mosquito out here and suddenly you’re dying of blood loss.” Catra sighed, hoping to hear Adora laugh again.    
  
It worked; Adora snickered and glanced over her shoulder at Catra again. Her eyes were bright and sparkling, a reflection of the vast summer sky above them. Catra smiled back at her.    
  
“Do you want to see how fast he can go?”    
  
Catra’s smile disappeared. “No.”    
  
“Yeah you do,” Adora rolled her eyes. “Hold on to me, and stay relaxed or you’ll fall off.”    
  
“Adora, really, I said no-” She bit back a nervous whine and gripped Adora’s middle tightly. Adora clicked her tongue and Swift Wind danced underneath them, his ears swivelling around.    
  
“Adora-”    
  
Adora clicked her tongue again and Swift Wind launched himself forward with a powerful leap. Catra gripped Adora harder than she had before when she was yanked along by the sudden forward motion.    
  
Catra felt Swift Wind buck with excitement a few times under them, and then his gait smoothed out. Wind blasted her face and she was pulled forward with Adora when she leaned forward to move with Swift Wind’s neck. Catra was sure she was going to be in the mud any second now.   
  
But she wasn’t. She was still on his back, muscles pumping with untethered power beneath her. Catra had clamped her eyes shut as soon as he’d leapt, but she peeked one open now to see. Adora’s hair brushed her face in the wind, ticking her cheeks, and Catra’s own was blasted straight out of her face in a way that was probably funny. Too bad she was so terrified.   
  
Swift Wind’s hooves thundered over the ground, the grass and dirt below them was just a blur of colour. She looked up. Ahead of them; the endless patchwork of grassy fields. The stallion below her stretched out, the sound of his breath beating with his hooves in a steady rhythm. Catra laughed nervously. Loosening her grip and peering over Adora’s shoulder.    
  
This was incredible. She felt … infinite.    
  
Adora leaned down a little farther, whispering something Catra didn’t catch to Swift Wind. His ear turned to listen.    
  
Catra was caught off guard when he leapt forward with a new burst of speed, almost throwing Catra backwards off his rump.    
  
“Holy shit-” Catra laughed, feeling light and free.   
  
Adora laughed, sounding just as exhilarated as Catra felt.    
  
Her heart thundered in her ears with the wind. 

Swift Wind was aptly named, he was breathlessly fast.   
  
Adora sat up in front of her and spread her arms out like she had a few days ago, when Catra had first seen her riding. Her eyes were closed and her chin tilted gently towards the sky. She looked so careless, free.  
  
Catra hesitantly let go of Adora, scared for a moment that she’d go flying off of Swift Wind’s back and wind up in a full body cast, but she stayed seated on top of him.   
  
She lifted her arms like Adora and immediately understood the pull. She was weightless, immortal. Nothing could touch them. Catra laughed again, feeling her worries of the day and the pain of her past leave her even if it was just for a moment. Her heart was soaring.   
  
The moment didn’t last forever though. Without noticing its approach, they’d run out of field. Swift Wind slowed down into a bumpier gate that Catra did not appreciate at all, and then back down to a walk. His feet were still lifting high and prancing, but it was a walk.   
  
“Oh my god, _Adora_.” Catra gasped, trying to catch her breath.   
  
She laughed, elated, and turned her shoulders to face Catra. Catra didn’t recoil this time, Adora’s face was close enough to count her freckles. Catra could feel the heat of her breath brushing her neck.   
  
“I know.” She whispered.   
  
Catra’s words stuck in her throat. She wanted to say she didn’t want to go. Wanted to ask if they could go again. Wanted to tell Adora she was sorry for hating her. _Needed_ to say something else, but wasn’t sure how to form words out of the tangled mass of feelings inside her chest.   
  
Nothing came out of her mouth though, and the spell was broken when Swift Wind snorted loudly and shook his whole body vigorously like a wet dog. Shaking both Adora and Catra enough that they looked away from each other; Adora holding onto his mane and Catra holding onto the back of Adora’s sweater to keep from falling off.   
  
_What was_ ** _that?_**   
  
Adora didn’t turn around and say anything, she kept her focus up ahead on Bright Moon in the distance.   
  
Catra thought her heart would never stop pounding in her chest, beating inside her like a drummer gone wild. Her thoughts kept going back to Adora being so close, no matter how hard she tried to drag them away.   
  
_What the_ ** _fuck_** _was that?_

  
Catra barely noticed when they were back on the farm’s property and standing outside the big white farmhouse, in the shade of one of the giant oak trees.    
  
Catra slid off of Swift Wind clumsily and winced, her legs. Her legs hurt so bad. She hadn’t expected that. Why did they hurt? All she’d done was sit there the whole time.    
Adora dropped onto the ground a moment later and looked at Catra, her hands still on her stallion’s shoulders like she was bracing herself up. Catra couldn’t read her expression, but it was similar to the bright eyed look she’d received the night of the campfire. Her hair had once again come loose from it’s ponytail. Strands of it hanging loose in her face. Catra’s fingers itched to push them out of her eyes. She didn’t.    
  
When it seemed like forever had passed, both of them seemingly unable to break eye contact in that time, Adora turned her head.    
  
“You should go see if your friends need help getting ready to go.” Adora’s voice was quiet, holding something barely contained.    
  
Catra wordlessly nodded and stepped away. She headed towards the car that was parked not far off the main driveway where Scorpia and Entrapta were working to shove their equipment inside.    
  
“I’m just saying that this car isn’t an efficient way to travel, given our equipment.” Entrapta’s voice grated against Catra’s unfocused thoughts as she came into earshot.    
  
“I tried to get a bigger one, but this was the only one I could get on such short notice.” Scorpia sighed, heaving her weight against a speaker to push it into the back seat. The whole car rocked with her effort.   
  
“It’s a piece of junk.” Catra grumbled, kicking one of the tires.    
  
“Oh there you are, Wild Cat! We were looking for you.”   
  
“Yeah, Adora just took me out for a ride.” Catra huffed, looking at the car with disdain.    
  
“Oh,” Entrapta poked her head up from the trunk. Her eyebrows waggled playfully. “Like a date?”   
  
Catra scoffed loudly, “No, just to hang out.”    
  
“Well, date or no date, we’re just about ready to go.” Scorpia nodded, overlooking her handiwork.    
  
Catra said nothing, feeling put out. She sighed and headed inside to grab her bag. Throwing her belongings into it haphazardly and coming back down the stairs to toss it into the car with as much malice as she could muster… only to find Entrapta hanging halfway inside of it under the hood.    
  
A thin plume of smoke was rising from where Entrapta seemed to be banging around.    
  
“What happened?” Catra asked, dropping her bag on the porch and walking over to peer inside.    
  
A rank, burning rubber smell assaulted her nose and she backed away as quickly as she could. Her eyes watered and she tried her best not to gag.    
  
“It seems that-” and then Entrapta began running off a list of words and explanations that made absolutely zero sense to Catra. It was quite lengthy and impressive sounding though. Too bad Catra stopped listening.   
  
During her long winded explanation, Adora came up to join them. She looked distracted but seemed to understand the gist of what Entrapta was saying. Since when did Adora speak nerd?    
  
“Wait, so. You can’t go, then?” Adora asked, and Catra tried hard not to notice the hopeful note in Adora’s voice.    
  
“I think I actually have to order some parts to replace what’s broken.” Entrapta did nothing to hide her giddiness at getting to fuck around with a car engine. “So no, we can’t make the drive back. I’m not sure when we can.”    
  
“That’s okay,” Scorpia’s voice sounded happy. “I kinda like it out here. I’m not ready to go back to Dryl yet. Plus, Perfuma says she has a cottage out here that she wants to visit with me, this sounds like a good opportunity to take her up on that.” Scorpia didn’t even wait for a response, she immediately began digging around for her phone.    
  
  
Catra chanced a glance at Adora and saw her trying to hide a smile with a hand over her mouth. She seemed to be trying very hard to look concerned for the car, but she wasn’t fooling anyone.    
  
“Looks like you’re stuck with me for a few more days, Princess.”    
  
“Guess so.”   



	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, I'm just taking a hot second to thank everyone SO much for the support. All the comments and kudos are still really motivating me ;u; 
> 
> Things are about to get spicy. 
> 
> Also, I'm a visual artist more often than I am a literary one, so. At this end of this chapter, I've attached a doodle I did for this AU back when I was still hashing everything out. As an extra treat.

* * *

_"If you catch my eye across a crowded room_   
_I'll fall into the atmosphere surrounding you_   
_If you pull me close just to disappear_   
_The chances are I'd wait for you a thousand years"_

* * *

The next few days passed by without much incident. Adora settled back into her daily routine of chores with Bow, Glimmer, and Micah and Angella. They had Scorpia and Catra there trying their best to adjust to everyday farming life for the first day, but after that Scorpia had disappeared with her girlfriend. Adora had thought it was sweet, but Catra had just rolled her eyes at them. Ever the hopeless romantic. 

Adora couldn’t help but think that Entrapta got lucky having been the only one that knew how to diagnose and fix whatever was wrong with Scorpia’s borrowed car. At least she didn’t have to listen to Catra’s griping.    
  
After one explosive incident where Bow had called Catra cute one too many times -she seemed to be mildly allergic to hay and hard labour- that had left Bow with an impressive looking bruise on his arm from a poorly aimed horse shoe; Adora had opted to be the one to show Catra how to help with chores.    
  
“She seems to be in a better mood when you’re around, anyways.” Bow had grumbled, rubbing his newly sore arm.   
  
“I just know how not to set her off.” Adora argued weakly.    
  
“Uh-huh.” Glimmer had smirked, bringing a small pack of ice for Bow’s arm.    
  
Adora had wrinkled her nose at the insinuation, and gone back to sweeping the barn isles.    
  
After the rain storm the previous week, the weather had been steadily getting cooler. The days were still blissful and warm, but now the nights dropped enough that Adora could sleep under her blankets again. Something that she had missed dearly.    
  
Today had been overcast, meaning that tonight would probably be even cooler. Adora took pleasure in the simple things, she was excited for it.    
  
Adora grunted with effort as she hauled the last bale of hay off of Micah’s hay wagon into the barn for storage and safekeeping from the encroaching damp fall weather. Catra, who had set out to be helping Adora, was lying lazily on top of one of the stacks writing in some sort of journal.    
Adora hadn’t thought Catra to be the type to keep journals, but then again she hadn’t truly known her since childhood.    
  
“Thanks for all your help.” Adora called up to her sarcastically, wiping bits of hay off of her shirt and arms.    
  
“No problem, Princess.” Catra smirked, propping herself up on her elbow and looking down at Adora with a smugness that both made Adora feel irritated and full of butterflies. 

Adora began climbing up the stacks of hay to join Catra up top, “What are you writing?” She asked curiously, trying to peek.    
  
Catra shut the book with a clap. “None of your business.”    
  
Adora smirked, leaning back on her hands, speaking in a bad impersonation of Catra’s voice. “ ‘Dear diary, today Terrible Adora made me lift hay bales. I don’t know what I did to deserve this-’ ” 

  
Catra threw a wad of hay at her face and Adora laughed. Catra laughed with her.    
  
“You know I can’t lift them, Adora. You watched me try. Not everyone can bench press a tractor, you know. “ Catra pointed out, her voice low and teasing.    
  
Adora scoffed and laid down, staring up at the cobwebbed roof of the barn. “It was pretty funny watching you try, I have to admit.”    
  
She laughed again when Catra shoved her, and she shoved back.    
  
“What are your plans now that you’re done for the day?” Catra asked, setting the book down in her lap and watching Adora.    
  
She’d been doing that a lot lately. Whenever she thought Adora wasn’t watching, or when she thought she could get away with it. It always left her feeling strangely pleased and self conscious at the same time.    
  
Adora hummed in thought, counting the rafters above them. “I thought maybe for once I’d stay inside and watch a movie or something. It’s going to be cold tonight.”    
  
Catra nodded and laid down beside Adora, joining her in counting the rafters she supposed.    
  
“Anything good?”   
  
“Not sure yet. Any suggestions?” Adora asked, turning her head to look at Catra’s profile. Maybe Catra wasn’t the only one who had been staring lately. 

Catra pursed her lips gently, and then shrugged. “Been a while since I saw a good horror movie.”    
  
Adora winced. “They always give me nightmares.”    
  
Catra snorted, bringing her arms behind her head. “I’d protect you, Princess.”    
  
Adora’s smile faltered for just a moment. “Promise?”    
  
Catra hesitated, glancing at Adora. “Yeah.”    
  
“Okay, horror movie it is.” Adora nodded her confirmation.    
  
They say quietly for a moment, listening to the sounds of the barn around them. The gentle creaking of the aging wood, the scuffling of mice, the soft munching of horses eating their hay and grain. Adora loved those sounds. She glanced at Catra, who’s eyes were closed. She smiled, thinking that Catra must not hate them either.    
  
“So,” she asked, looking away again. “For real, what’s in the diary?”    
  
Catra let out a long agitated sigh. “Adora.”    
  
“Please?” She pleaded, rolling onto her stomach and giving Catra the best puppy dog eyes she could manage. She was no Bow, but it seemed to do the trick.    
  
Catra rolled her eyes and glanced at Adora. They were too close again. Adora sat up and scooted to give Catra her space, and she sat up as well. Pulling the leather bound journal back into her lap. 

Adora waited patiently while Catra seemed to think, toying with the edges of the covers. She seemed nervous.    
“It’s okay if it’s too personal. You don’t have to share it.” Adora relented, flicking her gaze up to Catra’s face. Catra’s eyes met hers and she shrugged, wordlessly passing the book to Adora.    
  
“I know.” She almost whispered while Adora ran her fingertips over the worn leather. Looking at it closely, Adora could tell that Catra had had this for a long time. It was well loved. The pages fell open easily.    
  
Inside were mostly illegible scrawlings of what Adora presumed to be lyrics. She even recognized a few from songs she’d heard over the years. All of them seemed to mean something to Catra. She flipped through the pages, reading every one. Aware that Catra was sitting silently, watching her every movement tensely.    
Some pages had been angrily scratched out, some were completely ripped. Some, -and these were her favourite- held fully written out songs that Adora knew Catra must have written herself. Different coloured pens marking notes in margins of what could be changed.    
She flipped some more, and breathed a laugh through her nose at some of the badly drawn stick figures of what must be her band. Catra’s figure looked furious and spikey.   
  
“Scorpia.” Was all Catra said to that.    
  
Adora flipped through several pages, eventually running into only blank ones. She flipped back to the start and went looking for the songs Catra herself had written.    
She held one up for Catra to see, but she knew that Catra had already been watching. Adora pretended she hadn’t noticed. “What’s this one?”    
  
Catra hesitated, she looked like she was trying hard not to fire snark at Adora. Catra’s go-to response to vulnerability had always been sarcasm. Adora waited patiently.    
  
“It’s just something dumb I wrote a few years back.” Catra shrugged, her eyes leaving Adora’s face and landing on the ground below the hay stacks.    
  
“It’s not dumb,” Adora countered, turning the pages back to herself. “This is incredible. Any chance you’d sing some of this for me?”    
  
“Fuck no,” Catra snapped, and then winced at herself. “I’d rather not.”    
  
Adora smiled at the effort. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have pressed. These are really good though. I appreciate you letting me look.” 

  
Catra took the book back and closed it. “Yeah, whatever.”    
  
“Let’s go inside, it’s getting late. You can pick the movie.” Adora hopped off of the hay pile, she stumbled a little, and turned to watch Catra jump down from the top gracefully.    
  
Catra followed Adora back to the house, chatting idly about what movie to watch. Adora had to borrow Catra’s phone to text her friends - she almost never remembered to bring hers anywhere- that they were going to have a movie night.    
  
When she handed Catra back her phone, she accidentally touched Catra’s hand. Catra yanked her hand back so fast, Adora thought she must have hurt her somehow.    
  
But the expression on Catra’s face read ‘don’t ask or I’ll bite’ , so Adora just let it slide.    
  
Once inside, Catra disappeared upstairs to the guest bedroom, presumably to get changed. Adora wandered into the living room to tidy up and pull out extra blankets. The house was already beginning to cool down and Adora was craving her favourite hoodie.    
  
Several minutes later, Adora was comfortably changed into her pyjamas, Catra was spread out on the largest couch scrolling through her phone (also in the baggy clothes Adora supposed at least  _ passed  _ for pyjamas), and Bow and Glimmer were cuddling up together on the love seat under a blanket.    
  
Adora smiled at them, they were cute together. It made her happy to see them so happy. She glanced at Catra, whose eyes had once again been watching her. The flicked back down to her phone the second she realized she’d been caught. Adora’s heart fluttered, but she didn’t question it.    
  
Entrapta was happily sitting on the floor in front of the TV, a blanket over her shoulders and… yes, over Emily too. Emily was curled up next to Entrapta, dozing contentedly. Adora didn’t even know where the goat had come from. Bright Moon Meadows didn’t have goats. As far as she knew, neither did any of the farms near-by. Despite Angella’s protests at there being a goat in the house, here she was. Adora sighed, at least she was a polite goat that didn’t leave little goat raisins everywhere or eat all their shoes, she couldn't say she cared too much.    
  
“Did you settle on a movie?” Adora asked, looking back to Catra.    
  
She lifted her attention from her screen to Adora. “How about The Thing?” 

  
“Oooh, which one?” Entrapta asked excitedly,    
  
Catra smirked a little. “John Carpenter’s The Thing.”    
  
This meant nothing to Adora, but the rest of the group oo’d and aww’d at it, so she supposed it had to be a decent one.    
  
“Okay then…” she muttered, struggling to navigate through Angella’s many, many streaming services. Angella was never even in the house, why did she have so many?    
  
Eventually she found one that had what they were looking for -she got the wrong one twice- and Adora settled herself down on the couch with Catra.    
  
Outside, the sun had almost completely set. A cold breeze was blowing through the open window behind the couch, but no one wanted to close it. Opting instead to bundle up in all the blankets that Adora had thankfully gathered beforehand.    
Catra pulled one from the pile and without waiting for Adora, tucked it over both their legs even though they were sitting on opposite sides of the couch. It, thankfully, was a big blanket.    
  


As the movie was starting, she began feeling nervous. Horror movies were just not her thing but Catra had ridden Swift Wind, so she was sure she could sit through a simple movie. 

Catra seemed relaxed, eyes trained on the TV. Seeming to enjoy herself. 

Adora however, by even just twenty minutes in, was a mess of frayed nerves. Anytime someone would move out of the corner of her eye, she’d jump. 

“What’s wrong with the dog?!” She exclaimed loudly, to her credit it was the first time she had spoken the whole time. 

On screen she was watching what she seemed to be the most disgusting monster transformation she’d ever seen. Pulling the blanket up to her face and attempting to bring herself some security. It didn’t work. 

“Adora.” Catra whispered so she wasn’t louder than the movie. 

“Catra, the dog- that’s. That’s disgusting.” She fought back the urge to vomit. Holding her stomach and shaking from what she was witnessing on screen.

“Adora.” Catra repeated, 

Adora peeked from under her blanket. Catra was holding open her end, inviting Adora over. Her heart thumped against her ribs. 

Catra was smirking, obviously amused by Adora’s reactions to the movie. “I promised.” 

Adora gladly moved over to Catra’s side of the couch, wincing as the creature on screen made a bone chilling noise. Everyone else was completely entranced in the movie. 

Adora hesitantly tucked herself into the space that Catra made for her against her side. She felt Catra bring the blanket around her shoulders and tug Adora just a little closer. Adora felt her face warm but the sentiment was quickly forgotten when the Thing made another appearance on screen. 

She immediately hid her face in Catra’s shoulder, her stomach rolling with nausea from the gore on screen. 

Catra smelled like a cedar and wood smoke. Adora took a deep breath of it, soothed by the scent, and glanced up again at the screen. 

By the end of the movie, Adora was so tightly wound and so closely pressed to Catra’s side that when everyone else was getting up to go to bed, they all stopped to laugh at her. Except Catra of course, because she was trapped in a tangle of Adora’s limbs. She couldn’t unsee that hideous alien chameleon monster. 

Catra had to carefully extract herself, Adora ranting about how disgusting that was the whole time. 

“But did you like it?” Catra asked, sounding amused as she finally slipped her last leg free. 

“Have you not been listening to me?” 

Catra rolled her eyes, -her heterochromia made this gesture interesting to watch, at least to Adora- and helped Adora untangle herself from the blankets and stand up. 

“Horror movies are  _ supposed  _ to make you feel scared and disgusted.” 

Adora hesitated, “I guess it was good like… objectively…” 

Catra laughed, and the sound of it made Adora forget her nausea for a moment. “You hated it.” 

Adora nodded. “I hated it.” 

Catra helped Adora tidy up the mess her friends had left behind. Folding the blankets and putting them back in their respective cupboards. Turning off the TV, and then the lights. It was darker than Adora remembered this house being. 

Her mind’s eye kept projecting disgusting , disfigured, slimy creatures standing just behind her. 

She jumped when Catra nudged her shoulder. 

“Jesus-“ Catra sounded startled too, “Adora, you weren’t kidding. These movies really freak you out.” 

“I told you.” Adora murmured, starting up the stairs. 

She kept seeing things moving and stopping, though rationally she knew nothing was there. Catra was right on her heels, showing an incredible amount of patience for Adora’s stop and go tactic for getting to her bedroom. 

“Are you okay?” Catra’s low voice almost rumbled in her ear. She was so close. 

Adora jumped again, accidentally elbowing Catra in her stomach. She grunted in pain and seemed to step back. 

“Sorry.” Adora whispered, “I’m fine.” 

“Liar.” Catra wheezed. How hard had Adora struck her? 

Adora stepped into her doorway and peered into her dark room. Usually the dark silhouettes and shadows were familiar and nonthreatening. Right now though, everything looked like it might jump out at her 

Adora didn’t move. She felt silly for feeling this way. She was much too old to be afraid of the dark and scary movies. But she’d always been this way. It’s why she stuck to harmless PG movies since the IT incident a few years back. She shuddered at the memory. 

Catra could be heard behind her, opening her guest bedroom door. “Oh fuck me.” Her frustration made Adora look and try to make out Catra’s form in the dark. “The goat.”

“What about her?” 

“It stares at me, Adora. While I sleep. I just can’t do it anymore.” 

Adora felt the nervous giggle bubble out of her mouth before she could stop it. 

“Oh my god.” Came Catra’s response, and Adora could hear the bedroom door shut again. “What was that?” 

Adora was glad it was too dark for Catra to see how hard she was blushing. “Nothing.” She deadpanned. 

Catra walked up to her, so close that the faint scent of wood smoke wafted into her face. 

“I’m so glad I got to hear that. That was good, Princess.” 

“Shut up.” Adora grumbled, stepping away from her and immediately walking into her door frame. 

Catra snickered behind her. 

Adora’s face just got hotter. 

“Are you not going to sleep in there, then?” She asked, desperate to change the subject. 

She felt more than saw Catra shrugging beside her. “I’ll probably go sleep on the couch or something.” 

“Are we going to go through this again?” Adora sighed, rolling her eyes. 

Catra didn’t respond, Adora couldn’t see her face and wondered what she was thinking. Anxiety stabbed at her gut. 

“Are you asking me to sleep with you again?” 

“Well- I. No. I mean yes but. No. It’s just an offer. You can sleep on the couch if you want.” Adora almost smacked herself when she started stuttering. 

“Scared?” Catra’s smug grin was heavy in her tone. 

_ Yes. _

“Couch or bed, Catra.” 

Catra sniffed indignantly, and moved past Adora into her bedroom. 

They both climbed into Adora’s bed.    
  
Catra didn’t say anything, tucking herself in. She tugged the blanket up almost all the way over her head. Adora couldn’t see anything that well, but she knew Catra looked cozy.    
  
Adora pulled her portion of the blanket up over her shoulders. Laying on her side, facing Catra’s back, she felt less vulnerable to the looking shadows and old house noises that had kept all her nerves on edge.    
  
She knew Catra had almost fallen asleep. One thing she’d learned since Catra had been forcibly shoved back into her life was that she could sleep at the drop of a hat when she wanted to. Didn’t seem to matter where she was, either.    
  
Adora had caught her asleep on the kitchen floor a few days ago. She’d come downstairs in the morning to get herself some toast before she began the daily ritual of stall cleaning, and almost tripped over her legs. The only explanation being, “The cold floor felt nice.” And then she’d shoved Adora’s legs away and fallen back asleep.    
  
Adora listened to Catra’s breathing grow deeper and softer, and eventually Adora joined her.    
  
Her dream started out peaceful. Herself, Glimmer, Bow, sitting under Adora’s favourite tree out by Mara’s old cabin. It looked like it had when Adora had moved into it. Old, but structurally sound and cozy. Flowers and vegetables blooming in the gardens surrounding it. They were sitting on a soft blanket, laughing about some dumb joke Adora had made. It was the beginning of summer, one of the best times to be outside with her friends. Everything was fresh and green, but not so hot that it was uncomfortable yet.    
  
Glimmer sat up, grass in her hair. She smiled and waved to greet someone in the distance. Adora sat up as well to see who was coming to join them.    
  
Catra was walking up the slope, her hands in her pants pockets, looking relaxed and happy. Her hair had grown out just a little, enough for it to be tied back in a terrible excuse for a ponytail.    
  
“Hey, Adora.”    
  
She felt her heart swell.    
  
Adora held her hand out for Catra, and she was pulled to her feet. Catra didn’t let go of her hand.    
  
Adora turned to look back at her friends and the perfect afternoon was shattered. Her friends were replaced with a pulsating mass of flesh, veins, blood and slime. Adora stumbled backwards into Catra, and felt something cold and wet slip around her neck. She couldn’t turn around, couldn’t get out. She choked, her cries for help drowned out by the horrible keening roar of the monster that had replaced everything good. The grass beneath her feet slowly died and was replaced with dirt. Mara’s cabin began rotting away, collapsing into what Adora knew was her reality.    
  
She felt herself being consumed by darkness around her, choking on the metallic taste of blood in her mouth, gasping. Panic gripped her.    
  
“Adora.”    
  
She struggled against the slimy tentacles restraining her.    
  
“Adora.”    
  
Something was shaking her.   
  
She opened her eyes to darkness. Gasping and flailing her arms, still fighting against the monster that wasn’t there anymore.    
  
“Ow! Fuck. ADORA!”    
  
Catra’s impatient voice reached her. Catra was leaning over top of her, one hand on Adora’s shoulder and gently shaking her out of her nightmare.    
  
Adora choked and coughed on what must have been her own spit, sitting up to catch her breath. She felt Catra’s hand gently rubbing her back.    
  
“Shit, Adora. You weren’t kidding.” Catra sounded almost amused. Amost.    
  
Adora wheezed in response.    
  
“You’re good. It was just a dream.”    
  
“I know.” But Adora was shaking, a renewed fear making everything in the room seem like a threat.    
  
“Do you want some water?” Catra’s voice was gentle, still not something she was used to. She started moving to get out of the bed, the ruffling of the blankets sending a fresh wave of panic through her.    
  
“No, I’m okay.” She managed, now that she’d had a moment to catch her breath.    
  
Catra laid back down, tucking one of her arms behind her head, the other gently pulling Adora back down as well.    
  
Adora fidgeted with her blanket. She wanted to curl up against Catra like she had a few nights ago, but didn’t. Frozen to her corner of the bed, she wasn’t sure she was ever going to get back to sleep.    
  
She was still awake a couple hours later. Staring at the ceiling, still replaying her nightmare in her head over and over like bad daytime television reruns, when Catra twitched in her sleep.    
  
Adora turned her head just to make sure it wasn’t some bogeyman coming out of the shadows. She was almost relieved, but through the late night gloom she could see Catra’s face. Contorted and pained. She muttered something under her breath. A thin sheen of sweat was appearing on her forehead. Another twitch, her leg. A wince. Catra curled into a tighter ball.    
  
Adora frowned, propping herself up on her elbow to gently touch Catra’s shoulder. Her skin was clammy and cold.    
  
Catra flinched away from her touch, groaning into her pillow.    
  
Adora sat up. Worry clawed at her already tight stomach.    
  
“Catra.” She whispered.    
  
Catra’s face contorted again in a grimace. “Adora.” She murmured into her pillow.    
  
Adora jumped in surprise when Catra cried out in her sleep, the agony of it reminding Adora of the day Mara had come to take her away.    
  
“Catra!” Adora whispered more urgently, shaking Catra’s shoulder.    
  
Catra lashed out, her nails scraping Adora’s upper arm. A sharp stinging sensation followed closely by a warm and wet one. Catra had drawn blood.    
  
Still, her worry didn’t cease. She scooted closer to Catra and gripped her shoulder more firmly.    
  
“It burns... please.” Catra whined.    
  
“Catra. Hey, you’re okay.”    
  
Catra’s eyes shot open and she sat up so fast that their foreheads clacked together. Adora cried out in pain, stars lighting up behind her eyes.    
  
Catra gasped Adora’s name, her voice so full of panic and anguish that Adora immediately forgot about her probable concussion.    
  
“Catra,” Adora whispered, using her free hand to massage her head.    
  
Catra was sitting straight up, her fingers clawing at her chest, leaving what Adora knew would be uncomfortable bruises. She stared wide eyed at Adora. The room was dark, but she didn’t need light to see her pupils were tiny and her eyes bloodshot. She was breathing so fast that Adora thought she might pass out.    
  
Adora felt a little helpless, unsure how to bring Catra back down to earth.    
  
“Adora?” Catra’s voice was raw and shaking.    
  
Adora reached out to touch Catra’s arm, but she flinched away. “I’m right here.”    
  
Catra’s expression shifted very suddenly from terrified to vulnerable. Adora’s heart almost broke watching the tears begin to fall. Catra almost collapsed in on herself, bringing her hands up behind her head and pulling it down between her knees.    
  
A horrible, gut wrenching sob came from the dark, shivering form that was Catra.    
  
Adora began getting out of the bed to get Catra some water or something, anything that might help but was stopped by Catra’s hand on her wrist, pulling her back down.    
  
“Stay.” She croaked, not looking up. “Please.”    
  


Adora said nothing, pulling Catra against her chest. She expected resistance, but Catra crumpled into her weakly. She could feel Catra’s hot tears dampening her shoulder where Catra had buried her face.    
  
Quietly, Adora began gently running her fingers through Catra’s hair. It was soft, getting just long enough to have small tangles. She used to do this when they were smaller and Catra had a bad dream. Of course, they’d never been this bad before. She knew of what the nightmare had been about. At least partly. The night of the fire haunted Adora just as much.    
  
The pre-dawn light had begun leaking in through the window by the time Catra had stopped shaking. Curled up in Adora’s lap, she refused to move.    
  
Adora didn’t think she was sleeping at first, but when she shifted to check and make sure Catra was okay, her eyes were closed and her face was relaxed. Tear stains still streaked her face.    
  
Adora was dimly aware of Catra’s phone lighting up on the side table, but she didn’t stop to think who would be calling Catra so early.    
  
They stayed this way until Adora’s alarm went off just after sunrise.    
  
Adora didn’t think she’d regret being this tired at all. 

* * *


	16. Chapter 16

* * *

_"But you didn't have to tell me, I'll be honest_   
_You're a nightmare at times_   
_No, I didn't even notice you were stressed out_   
_When you lashed out that night_   
_No, it doesn't even matter, I'll be with you_   
_For the rest of our lives"_

* * *

Catra busied herself with helping Adora clean the dishes after the next morning’s breakfast. Her head hurt. When she asked why she had a small bump on her forehead, Adora had explained that Catra had been … enthusiastic, about sitting up last night. She didn’t remember coming out of the dream very well. She’d been in a panicked fog of phantom pain and fear. She remembered the dream well enough. It was the same one she’d been having every night this week.   
  
Flames.   
  
Ashes.   
  
Burning.   
  
Adora not answering her pleas to come back.   
  
Catra winced and pinched the bridge of her nose. She’d really hoped it wouldn’t get so bad, but it had. She felt ashamed that a nightmare had gotten to her so badly. It had been the worst version of it yet.   
  
But when she’d woken up, Adora had been right there.   
  
She’d pulled Catra back down to earth and had held her until she fell back asleep. She felt a combination of embarrassment and warmth. Adora could have just shushed her back to sleep; it’s what Catra had done. The sudden vulnerability made her want to curl up in a ball somewhere and never come back out again.

Adora nudged Catra, who’d been staring at the soapy water in the sink for too long now.   
  
“You okay?”   
  
Catra glanced up and pulled away. “Fine.”   
  
Adora’s eyes conveyed her doubt, but she didn’t try to pry anymore information out of her and Catra appreciated that.   
  
Catra’s phone buzzed again in her pocket. It had been so once almost every hour. Calls from Ms. Weaver. She was afraid that if she answered them, she’d have to leave.   
  
As ashamed as she felt for letting herself come apart in front of Adora like that, she still wasn’t ready to go. Anxiety chewed her insides.   
  


Adora finished drying the last of the dishes for them both and drained the sink. She seemed distracted as well. Actually, Adora looked exhausted. Dark circles under her eyes from staying up all night with bad dreams and Catra coming apart at the seams for the same reasons.   
  
“I have to go into town today for some things.” Adora said, struggling through a yawn. “Did you want to come?”   
  
Catra glanced outside. The overcast of the previous day was gone. Replaced by a blue sky full of large puffy white clouds making their way lazily across their expanse. Catra noticed that the trees were just beginning to change colour. Only just. Season changes seemed to happen real fast around here.   
  
“Yeah, sure.” Catra shrugged, turning her attention back to Adora. “Why not?”   
  
Adora’s smile warmed her core. Catra felt her own mouth twitch at it’s edges.   
  
Adora took a step towards Catra -which was confusing enough- but then stopped in her tracks. Close enough once more for Catra to see the golden flecks in her eyes. Adora’s face went blank, and then shifted into an expression of mild shock. Without explaining herself she turned away, cheeks turning pink.   
  
Catra frowned, puzzled, and followed Adora out of the kitchen to the front door. “What?”   
  


“Nothing.” She chirped in a voice too high to be convincing.   
  
“Doesn’t seem like nothing.”   
  
Adora’s voice remained an octave higher than usual. “It is.”   
  
Catra rolled her eyes and shrugged on her jacket. “Whatever you say.”   
  
Adora walked unusually fast across the lawn towards the beat up looking blue pickup truck parked near her piece of shit car. Catra had to almost jog to keep up, a fact that had made her pretty irritable by the time she was inside the musty smelling vehicle’s shotgun seat and doing up her seat belt.   
  
“What has gotten into you?” Catra grumbled, glaring over at Adora in the driver’s seat. 

She wasn’t meeting Catra’s eyes.   
  
“I told you, nothing.”   
  
Catra resisted the urge to shake Adora’s shoulders. “Are you sure?”   
  
Adora put the truck into drive, taking a deep breath. It took her a moment to answer, but when she did she finally made eye contact. “Yeah.”   
  
Catra rolled her eyes, but let it go. If Adora wanted to be weird, all the power to her.   
In silence, they pulled off the property and onto the old dirt road. Catra caught a glimpse of Swift Wind harassing the stable hands for treats, and then Bright Moon was behind them.   
  
Catra snuck another glance at Adora. She still seemed a little tense, but less so than when they’d gotten into the truck. She had her head in her hand, leaning against the open window. Her other hand on the wheel. The sun shone through the windshield and highlighted all her features, and the breeze blew her hair around her face. She still looked distracted, and Catra wished she knew what Adora was thinking. But there was no forcing it.   
  
Adora caught her staring, and she smiled. This was new, this smile. Catra couldn’t put her finger on it. Her eyes were bright, shining. Something she’d only seen twice since running into Adora again. Something was hidden here, a revelation that Catra had yet to have.   
  
She looked away.   
  
She couldn’t help but feel that driving on this long, boring road wasn’t quite as bad with Adora in the car with her. But then again, at this point, they’d only been driving for ten minutes.   
  
“What do you need to get in town?” Catra asked, sighing inwardly at the vast expanse of absolutely fuck all outside the truck.   
  
Adora hummed to herself, recalling her list. “Apples, for Swifty. Some feed, supplements, Angella wanted me to grab some ingredients for dinner. A few other things.”   
  
By the end of her list, Adora was wearing a mischievous expression. Subtle, but it was there. Catra squinted at her. She would ask, but she already knew she wouldn’t get an answer.   
  
Catra’s phone rang again in her pocket. She ignored it. Reaching instead to turn the radio on. Surprisingly, this ancient truck got a better signal than Scorpia’s car did.   
  
A familiar tune filled the truck and Catra smiled, looking back out the window. She’d just settled in for a short nap when she heard Adora’s heavenly voice humming along. This chased away any fatigue Catra may have been feeling.   
  
Adora was happily bobbing her head to the beat, occasionally mumbling some lyrics under her breath, but mostly she was humming. Catra felt her heart throb. She glanced at the volume dial. Could she turn it down without Adora noticing? Probably not.   
  
Catra watched for a few seconds and then thought, fuck it. She started to sing along too. Adora faltered and glanced nervously at Catra, but she only grinned and continued singing. Adora joined her again when she got over her shock.   
  
By the time the chorus came around, they were both singing at the top of their lungs, on the verge of laughter.   
  
“ _What if I was made for you and you were made for me_

_What if this is it, what if it's meant to be_

_What if I ain't one of them fools just playin' some game_

_What if I just pulled you close, what if I leaned in_

_And the stars line up and it's our last first kiss_

_What if one of these days baby I'd go and change your name_

_What if I loved all these what ifs away_ ”   
  
The song ended and they were both laughing like little kids. Adora’s carefree laugh filled the spaces between Catra’s ribs and almost made Catra feel like she had on Swift Wind’s back, weightless. Almost. 

Catra hadn’t noticed that they’d pulled onto the one pathetic strip of buildings that this place called a ‘town’.   
  
It felt like a lifetime ago now that she had been inside Mystacore’s Bar and Grill, listening to Scorpia and Entrapta butcher music’s good name and finding Adora in all her graceful glory.   
  
She could tell Adora was having the same thoughts because she too was looking at the bar as they drove past, slowing down just a little.   
  
“Glad you walked into that waiter, Princess.” Catra spoke, but she hadn’t given her mouth permission to move. She turned away to hide the warmth in her face, but she caught a glimpse of Adora’s reddening face in the side mirror.   
  
“That was so embarrassing.” Adora muttered, sinking into her seat as she pulled into a parking spot on the street.   
  
“Only for you, Adora.” Catra smirked. 

  
Adora grunted, displeased, and got out of the truck. Catra followed her.   
  
Adora waited for Catra to join her on the curb, and then together they walked down the street. It was a comfortable silence. Every few strides their hands would brush, but Catra couldn’t bring herself to put any more distance between them.   
  
Adora led Catra down the street a ways, and then between two ancient looking buildings. Catra was blown away by what was hiding behind them, to say the least.   
  
A large colourful banner hung over top of the whole set up:   
  
**ETHERIA COUNTY FARMERS MARKET**   
  
Catra let out a low whistle and took a moment to observe the bustling activity around them. There must have been at least twenty stalls. All of them different colours and hosting different merchandise. Fruits, vegetables, a butchers stand, nic-nacs, bits and baubles, medicines, herbs, seeds, a second-hand stand with what looked to be refurbished furniture items and relics. Catra was especially interested in the record stand, something that Adora couldn’t get out of. Catra took her time flipping through all the old records. Most of them she didn’t recognize, they seemed to be all local groups that had been big like. A hundred years ago. But some she recognized. They walked away, but Catra didn’t take anything with her. She had no money to spare, something she refused to confide in Adora about. She’d be lucky if she made rent this month.   
  
Her and Adora chatted easily while Adora made her rounds through the market. Gradually filling a bag she’d picked up with all her needed items.   
  
Catra was surprised at how many people Adora knew. Every stall they came up to, Adora was greeted with a warm hello and a fresh new round of small talk. Catra would be bored, but she often got pulled into the conversation. Surprisingly, it wasn’t awful. Lots of these people recognized her from her performance earlier in the week. Adora was practically glowing, she claimed it was because she liked seeing Catra getting along with everyone that had helped her grow up. She felt like that wasn’t the whole truth.   
  
“Angella and Micah took care of me most days, but I spent a lot of time running errands for people in town to keep busy.” Adora had explained as she picked out Swift Wind’s apples.   
  
“Any skills that I didn’t learn on the farm, or with Mara, I learned from the townsfolk.”   
  
“I never would have thought you were so popular.” Catra felt herself smiling.   
  
Adora shrugged, her eyes shining. “Everyone knows everyone in a small town, Catra.”   
  
When Adora finished paying for her items at the last stand they visited, she shoved her bag into Catra’s arms. Catra grunted as she struggled not to drop anything.   
“Wait here just a sec, okay? I’ll be right back.”   
  
And then she was gone, leaving Catra standing awkwardly in the middle of the market. People bustling around her, chatting and sharing their news and gossip with one another. Catra sighed and readjusted her arms so she was more comfortable. She’d seen busy and crowded before, back in Dryl. But back there, no one spoke to each other. They were all so in their own worlds. Catra supposed there was nothing truly wrong with that. But thinking back, Catra realized that she’d felt very alone. Even with Scorpia and Entrapta to keep her company, she just felt like an unimportant dot in the city scene. No one would really notice if she weren’t there.   
  
Here, everyone smiled and waved. Called her by her name, something that had shocked her every time it happened. They recognized her, took the time to learn her name, and spoke to her like she was a human being and not just another copy paste of the music industry, only there to make someone else money.   
  
Adora came back a few minutes later, as promised. She had a new small bag in her hands, but she refused to tell Catra what it was.   
  
“Just wait a second, let’s just get back to the truck.” Her smile was plastered on her face. It made Catra wary, but she agreed.   
  
Together they made their way back out onto the significantly quieter street. They made it back to the truck, and Catra helped Adora load their things into the back. A cool early autumn breeze brushed against Catra’s face and reminded her once more that summer was ending.   
  
When they were back in the truck and buckled back into their seats, Adora turned to face Catra. Passing the small gift bag into Catra’s lap.   
  
She frowned, looking up at Adora for clarification.   
  
The other girl just nodded towards the package eagerly.   
  
Catra tentatively pulled open the bag and pulled out a small cardboard box. She glanced up at Adora once more. She motioned again to the box in her hand. Catra nodded and opened it.   
  
Inside, a thin silvery chain sat on a velvet base. Attached at its center was a shining silver horse charm. At first she almost laughed, as mean as that felt. Why would Adora give her a horse charm? She knew Catra hated horses by now, surely. 

Catra caught the golden glint of the charm bracelet that Adora never took off, and she remembered the cat charm that had been the first to adorn it.   
So she didn’t laugh. She gently picked up the slim piece of metal and observed it closer. It was mostly just a silhouette of a generic looking standing horse. She squinted, there was an inscription on the back of it.   
  
“Long Live.” Adora clarified when Catra had trouble reading the tiny cursive writing.   
  
The name of the song that her and Adora had sung so passionately as little kids. Her throat felt like it was full of cotton.   
  
“Adora, I-”   
  
Adora cut her off with a wave of her hands. “Your birthday is today.”   
  
Catra blinked, she hadn’t even remembered that. She never cared to celebrate it, hadn’t since her parents had died. Adora had remembered though.   
  
Her mouth worked but nothing substantial came out.   
  
Adora smiled softly at her.   
  
Catra stared at the necklace in her fingers, running her thumb over it in disbelief. “You remembered?”   
  
Adora looked almost offended, “How could I forget?”   
  
Catra felt filled to the brim with an overwhelming and nameless emotion. She felt so full she could burst. Adora’s eyes shone almost brighter than the sun outside.   
  
Catra didn’t realize she hadn’t spoken in minutes. Adora’s worried voice cut into her short circuiting thoughts.   
  
“Is it okay? Do you like it?”   
  
“What?” Catra blinked, “No, yeah. Adora. This is amazing, thank you.”   
  
She unclasped the necklace and struggled to get it on herself. Adora offered to help but Catra batted her away stubbornly.   
  
It sat nicely in the center of her collarbone. Catra glanced at her reflection in the truck’s side mirror. The necklace glinted with her breath.   
  
Adora put the Truck in drive and pulled out of their spot, she still looked a little nervous but the smile was still glued to her lips. Catra thought it must be contagious, because she found herself smiling just as big.   
  
They were back out on the road to Bright Moon, almost back, when the thought struck her like a freaking freight train.   
  
Adora was back to humming along to the radio, resting her head in her hand. Her hair had come loose again, Catra had been wondering if Adora owned any decent hair elastics. It came to light while she was watching that this entire time, Adora had been tying her hair back with a piece of string. Adora had made a face and tossed the now loose string onto the dash, her lips contorted into mild displeasure at having to deal with the flying strands in her eyes now.

  
The thought had been entirely unprompted, out of nowhere, and totally blindsided Catra and had shocked her into silence. She’d felt the blood drain from her face and she’d looked away so fast that it hurt her head and gave her a bit of whiplash.   
  
_What would it be like to kiss her?_ _  
_


	17. Chapter 17

* * *

_"But it wasn't right, had another fight_   
_We were young but we never quite took flight_   
_In another life maybe you and I_   
_We'd be walking down the aisle dressed in white_

_I can see that all you need is everything I'll never be"_

* * *

Catra had been weird, and not a good weird, ever since they got back to Bright Moon.   
  
Before they’d left, while they were standing in the kitchen, Adora had caught herself in the middle of a thoughtless, impulsive action.   
  
She hadn’t even been thinking, just stepped towards Catra to kiss her cheek. Thank god she’d caught herself because she was sure that Catra would have clawed her eyes out.   
  
Then, seeing Catra’s eyes that close again, her expression changing from irritation to confusion, Adora had come to the horrifying realization that it was entirely possible she liked Catra as more than a friend.   
  
Suddenly all the feelings she’d been having made a whole lot more sense.   
  
_Oh my god, I have a crush on Catra._ _  
_ _  
_ At first she’d felt awkward about it, but like she always did, Catra had made her feel more at ease. Turning on the radio and somehow wordlessly convincing Adora to sing along with her. It had been the most fun she’d had on a car ride into town in a long time. Catra had seemed so happy, laughing in between the verses, in the pauses. Her laugh rang in Adora’s ears and made her feel light headed in the best way. Further confirming how Adora felt.   
  


And then her gift. 

  
She’d remembered Catra’s birthday while she was waiting for Catra to wake up that morning. It’s not that she had forgotten about it to begin with, but she had forgotten what day it was that morning. On an impulse she quietly called the vendor ahead to leave a message asking for the engraving on the necklace she’d admired since forever, but never had a real reason to buy until now. Adora had had to hang up very suddenly though, because Catra began to stir in her arms. Mumbling in confusion and asking who Adora was talking to. She was adorable when she wasn’t quite awake yet.   
  
Now she was sitting in the truck alone, parked once more in the driveway. Catra had gotten out of the car so fast that Adora wasn’t sure what had happened. Adora stared in confusion , watching Catra practically speed walk back to the porch of the house.   
Watched her pause, pull her phone out of her pocket, could almost hear her groan when she saw the caller ID , and then answered it. Disappearing around the other side of the house while she listened to the other side.   
  
Adora had heard Catra’s phone go off several times through the day, but Catra had ignored it every time. It didn’t surprise Adora that she’d finally answered it, but she didn’t believe that was the reason that Catra had left the truck without a word.   
  
“I _like_ Catra.” She whispered to herself, her hands still on the wheel. “I don’t know what to do with that.”   
  
When Adora met Catra, she had been nervously clinging to her mom’s legs on the first day of kindergarten. Adora refusing to let go. Her parents had tried and failed to make Adora excited for school. All she wanted to do was stay home and play games with her mom, help her dad cook dinner, and look for neat bugs in her backyard.   
  
Now, faced with the cold hard reality of school, Adora was trying not to cry. The teacher had to come and gently help her parents detach her from them with the promise of fruit cups inside the classroom.   
  
As soon as she was inside, all her nerves left her. There were brightly coloured numbers everywhere, paintings, the alphabet -which she proudly already knew because she liked to sing it with her mom in the car- , and toys. Toys everywhere. Small groups of children were scattered throughout the classroom, and Adora abandoned her bag with the teacher to go find someone to play with.   
  
The day had been fun, she’d befriended three other kids her age. Lonnie, Rogelio, and Kyle. Adora fit right in with her group of newfound friends, and they happily got to fingerprint together right up until lunch break.   
  
Lonnie, Rogelio, Kyle, and herself had been the first ones out into the little kids play yard. Adora had tripped twice over her own shoe laces, but she still made it.   
  
Adora had been just about to announce that they play tag when she heard scuffling in the far end of the yard. She turned to look and in the middle of a fight that the teachers were trying to break up was the cowering figure of another girl. Her face was full of fury, but her eyes were full of tears. Adora had thought her eyes were weird, but pretty. Blue and brown. She’d never seen anything like that before.   
  
Adora left her friends and sidled right up to the crouching girl, who immediately threw dirt in Adora’s eyes. Making her cry out and fall over, scrubbing at her eyes and trying to make the stinging stop.   
  
“Hey!” Adora protested, angrily throwing dirt back at the other girl “That wasn’t nice!”   
  
The other girl sniffled, but didn’t apologize. Stubbornly staring at Adora. The tears in this other kid's eyes made Adora’s frustration wash away. Adora smiled at her.   
  
“Are you going to hit me too?” She’d asked, pushing herself up against the chain link fence.   
  
“Not unless you hit me first.” Adora shrugged. “My name is Adora. What’s yours?”   
  
“Catra.” She replied hesitantly.   
  
Adora smiled and got back up to her feet, holding her hand out for Catra. “Hi Catra. You’re my new best friend. Come play with us.”   
  
Catra had eyed her group of friends warily, but nodded and followed Adora back to her games.   
  
They’d been inseparable ever since that first day of kindergarten. It had become quick news around the whole school that if Adora was there, so was Catra. There was never ever one without the other. It didn’t matter that Adora was better at making new friends, because Catra had always had Adora. Catra was always Adora’s favourite person.   
  
Until the night of the fire, their life together was golden. They rarely had serious fights. When they did, they always made up before the day ended. They spent so much time together that their parents had become good friends too. They always joked that they’d probably be that close until one of them died.   
  
Neither Catra nor Adora had enjoyed thinking about that.   
  
Being separated from Catra had been one of the darkest memories that Adora had.   
  
She sighed, and got out of the truck. She found Catra sitting on the back porch, overlooking the backyard. Her phone was in her hand, but she wasn’t using it.   
  
“Hey.” Adora greeted, sitting down next to Catra.   
  
Catra winced away from the sound and didn’t meet her eyes.   
  
“So who needed to talk to you so badly?”   
  
“Weaver.”   
  
Catra’s tone set a rock in her stomach. “What did she want?”   
  
Catra didn’t speak for a few moments, her thoughts miles away from where they were sitting.   
  
“Got me a record deal.”   
  
“Oh my god, Catra!” Adora exclaimed, getting to her feet in her excitement for her friend.   
  
Catra didn’t look so excited. In fact, she seemed… disappointed.   
  
“What’s wrong?” Adora asked, her excitement draining from her like a leaky pool toy. 

“Nothing, this is good news.”

“Come on, you don’t expect me to believe that. Do you?” Adora frowned, wishing that Catra would just be honest for once. 

“What do you want from me?” The fire in Catra’s eyes came out of nowhere and startled Adora into backing up a few steps. 

“I don’t know, the truth? You can tell me what’s wrong you know. It won’t kill you.” Adora felt her own irritation flare, her patience for Catra’s snark and secrecy was wearing thin.

“Ms.Weaver called, told me she sealed a deal, and wants me to come back to make it official. That’s all there is to say.” Catra snipped, folding her arms over her chest and refusing to meet Adora’s eyes.

“So why do you seem so upset about it?” 

“I’m not! This is what I’ve been working for! I’ve wanted this for years!” 

Adora tried to keep her tone level, but it was hard. 

“You don’t seem like you do.” 

“And what would you know about what I want, Adora?” Catra snapped, standing up and staring Adora down. “How could you possibly know me?” 

Her words stung, but Adora refused to be pushed like this. “I’m not claiming to! But we did grow up together, and you seem unhappy! I’m just trying to help. “ 

Catra’s nostrils flared, her hands were clenched so tight Adora could see her knuckles turning white. 

“I don’t need your help, Adora. God _knows_ I haven’t needed it in years.” 

“Catra-“

“I don’t need your help. I don’t want it.” Catra took a step towards Adora but only to jab a finger in her direction. “You’re always trying to be the hero. Where were you when I needed you most? I waited for you, Adora! You never came!”

Catra’s voice rose from a steely calm to an angry roar and Adora shied away from her. 

“Catra, you know that I-“ 

“You left me behind and got a new family, new friends, a whole new life. And what did I get? Nothing. I was alone.” She spat the last words like they were a bitter taste in her mouth. 

“Catra, that’s not fair. I had no control over what happened and neither did you.”

“Whatever, Adora. You don’t get to march back into my life like nothing ever happened. I’m not your best friend anymore! Things changed! We grew up!” 

Adora wasn’t sure where this was coming from. She had only wanted to help. She had no words to respond. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes and she fought to keep a straight face. 

“I don’t need you, Adora. I never did. It would have been better if I’d never seen you again.”   
  
Adora swallowed, taking a deep breath to steady herself. The last week had been almost perfect, like old times but… better. With the realization that Adora wanted Catra as more than a friend, she’d let herself hope just a little that maybe that could be a reality. Catra seemed different too, but maybe she was right. She’d just grown up and wasn’t the same person she’d been best friends with. Adora had only let herself think about it for a few hours, but the underhanded rejection still hurt. Serves her right for wanting something for herself for a change. 

“Is that it, then? Are you going back?” Adora’s voice shook, and she cursed herself for it. Her heart was roaring in her ears, more painful than it had been in a long time. 

Catra said nothing at first, her eyes full of fury that rivalled the night in the bar. They stared at each other, oceans of things unsaid between them. 

“Yeah, I’m going back to Dryl.” Her voice was icy, the shards cutting Adora with every syllable.

“Fine.”

“Fine.” 

Catra stared at her for one agonizingly long moment, then turned and left, disappearing around the front. Adora heard the front door slam. Catra was really going.   
  
Adora wanted to reach out again, to make it right. To find out why Catra was really lashing out like this. Had Adora done something wrong? Was it the necklace? Had Weaver said something to her? Catra’s descriptions of their interactions had always been less than kind. She couldn’t fathom what Weaver could have said to make Catra so reactive all of a sudden, though. It had to be something Adora did. 

Adora’s knees shook and she had to sit down. She collapsed into the dirt and stared dumbfounded at where Catra had disappeared. 

Within the hour Catra had gotten her things, gotten Scorpia back to the farm, gotten into their car with Entrapta -she must have finished fixing it earlier that day- , and she was gone. Adora had watched the car pull out of the drive and onto the road from her bedroom window, not wanting to face her family and friends at this moment. 

Adora was no stranger to a broken heart, but this. This was indescribable and horrible and took her breath away. A slow motion bullet tearing through her insides. A dull blade ripping her open. An anchor dragging her down under the surface. A sensation of something being ripped from her with no hope of ever replacing it. She couldn’t decide how it made her feel exactly, but it was a cruel, dark monster settling over her like the dust settling on the road behind the car she could no longer see. 

Catra hadn’t even said goodbye. 

* * *

Catra stepped back into her bedroom in her crappy apartment in the city. Dust had settled over all of her belongings, but she didn’t care. Exhaustion hung over her from everything that had happened since yesterday.   
  
She collapsed onto her bed, pulling her pillow over her head.   
  
Picking up the phone for Weaver had been a mistake, that much she knew already. It was too late now though.   
  
“Catra,” Ms.Weaver’s voice made static by the poor reception, “you’re lucky you’re even getting this chance. Do you know what I had to do to get you this meeting? Come back into the city, forget this nonsense. We need to get you ready.”   
  
Catra had mistakenly expressed her hesitance at coming back, and Weaver had dug her claws in and picked at Catra’s insecurities until she felt raw. She should be used to this. Normally, she wasn’t too bothered by whatever nonsense Weaver was pulling that day to get her way. But Adora had given her that stupid necklace, and had looked so cute, getting agitated with her hair flying into her mouth.   
  
_I can’t believe I’m falling for this dork._

The thought had followed shortly after her desire to kiss Adora, rendering Catra completely unable to focus. These thoughts didn’t feel entirely new. If anything, she’d been having these feelings for a while, thinking back. This was just the first time they’d surfaced as a coherent thought.   
  
She’d already been feeling embarrassed about her vulnerability the previous night, with the nightmare. Wanting to know what Adora’s lips against hers would feel like had driven her further off balance. Ms.Weavers call had driven in the wedge, filling her head with thoughts of how no one out here needed her but she would be appreciated in the city.   
  
Adora, just the kind and caring person that she was, had split her right in half, and she snapped. Spewing venom in her spiral of tumultuous and confusing emotions, a pathetic attempt to protect herself.   
  
After that, she really did feel like Adora wouldn’t want her around. Catra had done it, she’d maybe begun something that had the slight possibility of not being a complete disaster, and she’d stamped it out faster than a used up cigarette.   
  
The hurt and confusion on Adora’s face had only made Catra angrier. Like she had no idea what she was doing to Catra, looking like that. Being so quiet, tears in her eyes. Catra lashing out when all she wanted was to tell Adora what was really wrong. Why couldn’t she have just done that?   
  
Anger and shame tore around inside her chest like a couple of rabid street dogs. Now that she was back in Dryl, she was regretting everything.   
  
The drive back had been tense. Catra refused to speak, glaring out the passenger side window at yes, all the nothing that there was to see out there.   
Scorpia was uncharacteristically silent, upset about having to leave her new girlfriend so suddenly.   
  
_She’ll get over it,_ Catra thought. _She lives so close to the city, they won’t even know the difference._

  
Entrapta was also quiet, only muttering to herself a few times as she took apart and put her phone back together several times during the drive. She had been happy helping Micah maintain his farm equipment and having Emily to talk to all the time.   
  
Catra actually felt bad about this one, because Entrapta rarely made new friends. Catra didn’t make friends because she didn’t like other people. Entrapta didn’t make a lot of friends because she was misunderstood.   
  
Catra rolled over and stared out the window into the city streets below. Smog hung over the city and she couldn't see very far because of it. The sky was a sickly grey colour, and the smell coming in through the window made Catra want to gag after over a week of fresh, clean air.   
  
Now her anger had left her, and she wished it would come back. It had numbed the sickening sensation of regret. Catra sighed and closed her eyes, only to be greeted by Adora’s face, looking hurt and on the verge of tears at Catra’s words.   
  
“Fuck.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I almost didn't want to post this chapter, y'all were so happy and excited about the last one lmao sorry guys


	18. Chapter 18

* * *

_"It started out as a feeling_   
_Which then grew into a hope_   
_Which then turned into a quiet thought_   
_Which then turned into a quiet word_

_And then that word grew louder and louder_   
_'Til it was a battle cry"_

* * *

**-Four Months Later-**

Back when Adora had only been living with Mara for a few weeks, she’d tried to walk back to Thaymor to be with Catra. Adora had collapsed of a heat stroke and been found by a neighbour in an incredible stroke of luck.   
  
Adora didn’t remember it well, just remembered feeling very sick. She’d thrown up twice in the ditch and the world around her had begun to spin. She’d wished she’d brought more water.    
  
A pounding headache bashed around inside her skull, and the sun was way too bright. The next thing that she remembered was waking up in the back of an ambulance. Paramedics rushing to cool her down with cold packs and I.V fluids. She’d passed out again before they could ask her her name or where she came from, or what she was doing in the middle of the road in almost forty degree weather. She thought she may have muttered Catra’s name, but after that, the day had been a complete blank.    
  
She woke up in a hospital room the next day. Hooked up to several beeping machines and a bunch of uncomfortable needles in her arm. Her head still throbbed, and her throat hurt. She coughed and Mara moved up beside her. Had she been there this whole time?    
  
“What happened?” Adora croaked, trying to sit up but her whole body was aching. Her skin felt like the time she fell asleep by the public pool and she’d burned so bad on her back, she’d blistered a little.    
  
Mara was practically shaking with relief, standing over Adora and gently petting her hair.    
  
“Oh my god, you’re awake.” She’d almost cried, and Adora felt a little guilty.    
  
“Mara? Where am I?”    
  
“They found you out by Madam Razz’s old place, in the ditch. The doctors said you had a heat stroke, and you were brought here. Why were you out there, Adora? What were you thinking?” Mara’s voice wavered.    
  
“I wanted to see Catra.” Adora murmured, feeling tired again and resting her head back against the itchy hospital pillow.    
  
Mara’s eyes glittered with tears and she continued to stroke Adora’s hair. “I’m sorry, Adora. You know I can’t get you out there.”    
  
Adora quietly nodded.    
  
Mara had taken her home early the next day, when the doctors were sure she wasn’t going to have any life threatening complications. Adora sure didn’t feel like she was ready to go home.    
  
Mara had to pull over once to let Adora out so she could throw up her lousy hospital food into the dirt and not all over Mara’s car. Adora then slept the rest of the way home, but it was fitful and feverish.    
  
She woke up again on Mara’s little living room couch, the cool cabin air felt nice on her sun burns. She could see Mara sitting in her old rocking chair by the window, reading quietly and making sure Adora was okay.    
  
Adora moaned, her bones ached and her stomach was cramping. She felt completely miserable. Mara glanced up and blue her eyes softened with sympathy.    
  
“Hey, Kiddo. How are you feeling?”    
  
Adora struggled to sit up, the thin blanket falling off of her and onto the floor. She shivered and clutched her stomach. “I’m okay.” She lied, feeling a beat of sweat slip down her face.    
  
Mara shook her head, “Always have to be brave, don’t you Adora?”    
  
Mara stood up and walked into the kitchen, pulling out a glass and filling it with water before returning to Adora, sitting down on the arm rest by Adora’s head.    
  
“Here.”    
  
Adora took the water and drank it greedily, making her stomach cramp up but it relieved the pain in her throat a little, at least.    
  
Mara stroked Adora’s hair, and she felt herself getting tired again. She sat up so Mara could sit down on the couch properly, and then rested her head in Mara’s lap. Taking comfort in the gentle stroking of her hair, and the soft humming that Mara had taken up.    
  
Adora struggled to keep her eyes open, but she wanted to hear Mara’s song.    
  
_ “Hold me close and hold me fast _

_ The magic spell you cast _

_ This is la vie en rose _

_ When you kiss me heaven sighs _

_ And though I close my eyes _

_ I see la vie en rose” _

Adora sleepily mumbled along with Mara’s comforting voice, and she thought she could remember Mara laughing gently.   
  
  
That memory seemed like an entirely different world now.    
  
Adora stood on the front porch of the farm house, her breath misting in the frigid winter air. Fall had come and gone, and so had Christmas, and Catra was still gone.    
  
It had been hard. Harder than Adora thought it would be. Every waking moment, Adora’s thoughts were plagued by happy memories she had shared with Catra during the week she’d spent out in Etheria and by the angry exit she had made.    
  
Adora watched the cows out in the fields trudge through the snow to get to the hay she’d put out for them that morning. In her hands was a cup of hot tea that Bow had given to her.    
  
Her friends had been absolutely wonderful, as always.    
  
When she’d gotten over the initial shock of Catra being gone, she’d started crying. She’d started, and she just could not stop. Her stomach had been sore from the heaving, and Glimmer had found her and panicked. Thinking Adora was dying.    
  
Honestly, Adora felt a little like she was in the moment.    
  
Glimmer had called Bow while trying to console Adora, who couldn’t even stand up. Bow had come rushing back from whatever errand he had been running and burst into Adora’s room looking a little like a maniac, with wide eyes and straw sticking out of his hair.    
  
The sight had almost made Adora laugh.    
  
Together, he and Glimmer gradually talked Adora down and tried to piece together what had happened.    
  
Adora told them everything. Her revelation in the kitchen that morning, their day in the market, and how weird Catra had been when they got back. She told them about the fight, which ignited a flame in Glimmer’s eyes that Adora had honestly been a little afraid of. Adora told them how Catra was gone, and she didn’t think she was coming back.    
  
She started crying again, and her friends let her this time, for a short while. Letting Adora lean on their shoulders and squeezing her between them in one of their best friend hugs.    
  
“Honey,” Glimmer had started tentatively when Adora stopped crying for the third time. “I don’t want to add on to your problems here, but. Crushes… don’t hurt this much.”    
  
Adora hadn’t answered, but Bow agreed with Glimmer. What did it matter anyways if it was a crush, or something more? Catra was gone.    
  
Adora shook her head to clear the cobwebs of memories, and looked out at Bright Moon.    
  
Despite her broken heart, Bright Moon in the winter was really something else. Everything was covered in a thick blanket of snow, it glittered in the weak winter sunlight. It muffled a lot of sound,so everything became peacefully quiet. Really, the only noise was coming from inside the kitchen where Glimmer and her mom were bickering about how to cook dinner that night. Adora smiled, some things never changed.    
  
She sighed, and set her tea on the railing. Stepping out onto the shovelled path courtesy of Adora herself, and set out towards the barn. She wanted to see Swift Wind.    
  
He’d been an important staple in helping Adora hold herself together in the wake of Catra’s unceremonious departure months ago. She loved to run her fingers through his thick winter coat and let his playful nibbles chase away the creeping tendrils of her depression.    
  
Loved even more to go out for rides through the snow. The powder smacking her in the face and reminding her that life goes on, and she could be happy when this was over.    
  
Swift Wind loved the snow too. He’d roll and play in it, happy to get absolutely covered and then trot up to Adora, and shake himself off. More often than not managing to absolutely cover Adora in his accumulated snow coat.    
  
In the winter, they didn’t let him wander around as much. Mostly because the snow hid obstacles and she didn’t want her horse to break his legs doing something stupid like trying to visit the neighbours and raid their apple stashes.    
  
Adora pushed open the barn door and stepped inside. It was slightly warmer in here, but not by a lot. The smell of cold and hay greeted her and began to soothe her anxiety.    
  
She made her way towards Swift Wind’s stall and peered inside, already smiling. He was standing in the back corner of his stall, pushing his hay around with his face but not eating it.    
  
“What are you doing, silly boy?” Adora called, pushing his stall door open.    
  
He nickered a greeting to Adora and stepped up to push his giant head into Adora’s chest, shoving a little in his demands for attention. Adora couldn’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm. She indulged him by rubbing his ears between her fingers, an action that had always relaxed the both of them.    
  
“I love you so much, you know that?” Adora whispered into the soft down of his ear.    
  
In response, Swift Wind sighed deeply and nibbled at the hem of her sweater.    
  
_ He loves me too _ , Adora thought. Resting her forehead on top of his and closing her eyes.    
  
Adora allowed the soft sounds of his breath and the warmth of his skin against hers lull her into security. The chill of the air was forgotten. The familiar calm that only her companion could bring settled into Adora and gave her moment's peace where she wasn’t thinking about how much she missed Catra.   
  
She wasn’t sure how long she was standing there, but she knew Swift Wind had almost fallen asleep when Bow called in from the outside, saying that dinner was ready.    
  
“I’ll be right there!” She called back, stepping away from Swift Wind, who looked grumpy about being disturbed from his cuddles.    
  
Adora shook her head and pulled an apple out of her pocket to give to him. He sniffed at it curiously, but didn’t eat it.    
  
Adora frowned, strange. She didn’t think too much about it though, he often didn’t like to eat when he was stuck in a stall all winter. She wished she could let him out, but he’d just jump the fence.    
  
She ruffled his forelock and tossed the apple into his feed bucket for him to eat when he felt like it.    
  
Adora made the miserable trudge through the snow back to the house in record time, chased by the bitter night winds that were moving in as the sun set.    
  
Inside was warm and welcoming. While Adora hung her jacket up and took off her damp boots, she could hear her family talking and laughing loudly. She joined them at the dinner table and was greeted with enthusiasm even though she’d seen them all not even that long ago.    
  
“Adora! Would you kindly please tell Glimmer that cooking chicken without any spices is an affront to nature?” Micah’s voice was full of well meaning tease. Adora grinned at them.    
  
“Chicken is chicken! It tastes fine!” Glimmer groaned, exasperated. “You can add sauce afterwards!”    
  
Everyone else in the room visibly winced.    
  
“Glimmer, please never cook for me.” Adora teased good-naturedly, sitting down next to Bow.    
  
“Told you she’d take my side,” Micah retaliated, taking a plate of mashed potatoes from Angella. He kissed her on the cheek as a thank you.    
  
“Whatever, dad.” Glimmer grumbled, but her irritation was short-lived because Bow took inspiration from Micah, and kissed her on the cheek as well.    
  
Adora missed Catra.    
  
She kept her smile, but it felt hollow now. So much for not thinking about Catra.    
  


The five of them ate their dinner with a lot of happy talk, teasing, stories and an updated chore list, like they did every night.    
  
“Bow, will you please go make sure all the heaters are on in the barn?” Agnella’s voice rose above the argument Glimmer and Micah were having about which would win in a fight; the t-rex from Jurassic Park, or the alien queen from the Alien movies.    
  
Bow rolled his eyes at his girlfriend, and got up. Adora tracked his movements as he shrugged on his coat and boots and stepped outside to brave the cold.    
  
Adora quietly finished her meal, content to listen to the banter.    
  
Glimmer was about to really lay it on her dad when she paused, glancing down at her phone which was face down on the table. It was vibrating with a call.    
  
Everyone stopped, looking confused. Who would be calling Glimmer at this time of night? Everyone that could possibly want her was right here on the farm.    
  
Glimmer turned the screen over and frowned, picking up. “Bow! Why are you calling me? Just come back inside and help me convince dad that-” Glimmer stopped.    
  
Adora could hear Bow’s frantic voice on the other end of the line, but she couldn’t make out what he was saying.    
  
Glimmer’s face paled and she looked up at Adora. “Yeah, we’ll be right out.”    
  
She hung up.    
  
“What’s wrong?” Adora asked, puzzled. 

  
Glimmer looked like she didn’t want to confess. “It’s Swift Wind.”


	19. Chapter 19

* * *

_"It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now_   
_Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now_   
_And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now"_

* * *

Catra was having a rough week. A rough month. A rough life, if she thought about it. 

Not long after she’d left, she’d met with the dude that Ms.Weaver had set an appointment up with, but she certainly didn’t like him much. He towered over Catra, his bald head and grey suit would have been enough to make Catra go, ‘no thanks,’ and turn around and walk away. But that had been before leaving Bright Moon. At the time, she was still spinning out a little at having thrown away something she actually wanted for something that she only thought she wanted.    
  
The guy had silently listened to her band’s demos, and nodded. His name was Hordak. Catra couldn’t help but think that it was a stupid name, but the cruel intensity of his gaze had forced her to keep her mouth shut. When they were done, he’d whispered back and forth with Ms.Weaver in a heated discussion that Catra only wished she could hear.    
  
Catra thought back to earlier that day, when she’d been relaxing on the crumbling couch in their apartment. She’d been listening to Entrapta talk about the many -not- interesting facts about goats for the third time that week. She’d had to bite her tongue, because Entrapta only missed her goat companion, Emily.   
  
Scorpia had almost bounced right back, once Perfuma joined them back in the city. Though, she commented more on how disgusting the city was. Something Catra could not blame her for. After Etheria, Catra hated the city even more.    
  
Catra rolled her eyes when Entrapta showed her a visual diagram of a goat’s digestive track. Not something she had wanted to see, but whatever. Her phone began ringing in her hand.    
  
At first she thought it was Weaver, calling again to make sure Catra didn’t forget their appointment and guilt her some more about the one time Catra had slept through a booking.    
  
But it wasn’t.   
  
The screen lit up with Glimmer’s name and number.    
  
Catra stared at it for a long moment, fighting for the courage to pick up. Some tiny voice in her head screamed until she did.    
  
“Glimmer? Why are you calling? Is Adora-” She was cut off by a long string of curses.    
  
“ **How** **_dare_ ** **you!** ” Glimmer raged into the phone. Catra had to pull the speaker away from her ear for a second to turn the volume down. “- **BROKE** her  **HEART** ! I can’t believe you were so incredibly  **_SELFISH_ ** -”    
  
“Glimmer! I said no!” Bow’s voice bellowed in the background, and there was a scuffling noise.    
  
“- **CARED ABOUT YOU SO MUCH AND YOU JUST** -” 

More scuffling. She heard Bow grunt in pain and Glimmer’s yelling continued. The call ended with a  _ click _ .    
  
The silence in the room around her had been deafening. Entrapta and Scorpia had obviously heard and were standing near the kitchen looking shocked and sympathetic respectively.    
  
Catra had just put her phone away, gotten off the couch, and disappeared into her room until they had to leave. 

Fast forwarding four months, and Catra was seated on a bench next to Scorpia, people watching in a city neither of them had even heard of.    
  
They’d gotten the record deal alright. But that also included going on a tour with a larger band. Starting off their performances every night. Catra wasn't sure how the big stars managed this. She was exhausted. She’d been in four different countries in as many days and had performed six shows just this past week. The previous months had been more of the same.   
  
It had been pretty fun the first few shows. Her, Entrapta, and Scorpia had all pulled their best performances in a long time. The crowds had cheered, they’d made decent money, and they had inquiries asking when they’d be able to play smaller gigs in whatever city they’d just performed in. It was everything The Horde had been working for for years.    
  
Now though, they were visibly exhausted and Catra could see that her friends were not happy. Twice she’d caught Entrapta hiding in one of their storage containers backstage to get away from the stimulation of all the sounds and lights and take apart some expensive piece of equipment that didn’t belong to them. Once she’d caught Scorpia on the phone with Perfuma, needing to be talked down from what sounded like a panic attack.    
  
Catra herself had lost interest in being the center of attention to crowds of thousands who barely even knew her name. She spent most of her time right now talking to publicists, reporters, music blog writers. But none of them really seemed to care to get to know Catra as … Catra.    
  
She’d been forced to wear make-up and nicer clothing too. Ms.Weaver and costume designers all fussing over her appearance when all Catra really wanted to wear was her usual jeans and jacket. She felt completely ridiculous going out on stage now.    
  
She remembered the tiny town back in Etheria. 

No one had asked anything of her, they were happy with whatever Catra willingly put out.    
  
Adora.    
  
Catra sighed and rubbed her temples. She’d had a consistent headache for days now. Nothing seemed to make it stop. She suspected it was because she had no real time to eat or sleep again. She missed Micah’s home cooked meals.    
  
“Hey… Catra.” Scorpia fumbled with her phone in her hands.    
  
“Hmm?” Catra grumbled, irritable from her headache.    
  
“So. Look. Uh.” Scorpia fumbled some more, stuttering.    
  
Catra looked up at her band mate.    
  
“Entrapta and I … We’re not loving this whole chasing fame thing.”    
  
Catra remained silent, waiting for Scorpia to get to the point.    
  
“You don’t suppose there’s any way to… I don’t know. Go back to Etheria?” Her words came out rushed at the end, afraid of Catra’s reaction.    
  


Irritation flooded Catra and she sneered, mostly to herself though. “We can’t. We signed a contract. If we dip now, they’ll drop us and the entire industry is going to hear about it. We’ll never get another chance.”    
  
Scorpia seemed to deflate. “Yeah, I figured. It’s just that… Ah, never mind. Don’t worry about it, Wild Cat. I’m here to support your dreams. Whatever you need.”    
  
Catra wasn’t sure what to say. She’d never really thought about whether or not Scorpia or Entrapta really wanted this, or if they were just following her.    
  
“It’ll get better, it has to. It won’t always be busy like this.” Catra tried her hand at comfort, it felt clunky and awkward in her mouth. The words felt heavy and untrue.   
  
Scorpia didn’t smile, but she nodded. “Maybe.”    
  
Catra sighed mournfully and glanced at the time. It was time to get ready for their show tonight.    
  
_ God, what I wouldn’t give for a good night’s sleep. _

She got to her -very sore- feet and headed inside though the stadium buildings entrance. Scorpia dragged herself tiredly after her.    
  
Scorpia found Entrapta tinkering with the buildings alarm system and dragged here away from it before they could get into real trouble, and together they all subjected themselves to the torture of letting the costume and makeup artists take pleasure in making them all uncomfortable.    
  
The whole time she was sitting in that god forsaken chair being poked and prodded at by makeup brushes, Catra thought about how much she missed Adora.    
  
‘Is that what you want?’ Adora’s voice echoed around in her thoughts. Is this what she wants? It shouldn’t be this hard. She should at least be a little excited that they were going somewhere. So why wasn’t she?    
  
She found herself thinking about the night she’d played the music at the party back on the farm. That had been fun, they’d gotten to do whatever they wanted and still got paid.    
  
And Adora, in that dress, with her eyes matching the summer skies.    
  
Catra pushed the makeup artist away from her and left the room, loud protests about her attitude following her. 

She found a quiet room and locked the door behind her. It was dark and cool in here which was just what she needed.    
  
Catra pushed her hands up against the wall and let out a long quivering sigh, fighting back the surge of emotions that had stuck her so suddenly. She felt tears slip free and fall down her face. Good thing whatever nonsense they’d glued to her face was waterproof.    
  
Catra tried taking deep breaths to steady herself, but she couldn’t un-see Adora’s face when she left. Not this time. Not ever.   
  
Impulsively she pulled out her phone and scrolled through the numbers. She found Adora’s. If she called, would Adora pick up? Would she want to talk to Catra?    
  
Anxiety ate her insides and she wiped away a few more tears.    
  
She pressed the dial button.    
  
Catra chewed at her nails as it rang once. Twice. Three times. On the fourth ring, she heard Adora’s voice.    
  
“Hey,”    
  
“Adora, oh my god, I’m so sor-”   
  
“sorry I missed your call. Leave a message, I’ll get back to you.”    
  
Catra hung up before she could hear the beep. She stared at her dark phone screen, unsure of what she was feeling. She just knew that it hurt like a son of a bitch. She felt the necklace Adora had given her tapping against her collar bone in time with her erratic heartbeat.   
  
Catra took a few more moments to pull herself together and then forced herself out of the room and back with her band mates.    
  
“Alright, let’s do this.” She muttered, following Scorpia and Entrapta’s dragging gait to their entry point on the stage, just behind the curtains.    
Catra looked out at the massive crowds. People as far as she could see. Thousands of them all milling about together and talking, waiting for the show to start. Of course, they weren’t here to see The Horde. They were here to see the band The Horde were accompanying. That didn’t help Catra’s nerves the last few performances though. She’d always been filled to the brim with Anxiety.    
  
Tonight, looking at all these meaningless faces, she felt nothing. Just the ache in her chest and a ringing in her ears.    
  
“Catra, are you okay?” Scorpia asked, placing a hand on Catra’s shoulder.    
  
She glanced at her friend. “You don’t want this.”    
  
Scorpia seemed taken aback by her statement, however true it was. “But you do.”    
  
Catra glanced back out at the waiting crowd. The beginning announcements had started. Catra picked up her guitar and looked at her name, still scratched into the enamel.    
  
“Yeah.” Her word felt hollow.    
  
“Do you?” Entrapta walked up to join the conversation. “Your body language would suggest you aren't happy.”   
  
Catra didn’t answer, just nodded towards the stage when their name was announced. The cheering of the crowd made her headache turn from dull to splitting.    
  
Standing in the center with the too hot and too bright lights in her face, she lifted her hand to wave to the crowd. This caused another uproar and she could see both of her friends wince in the corner of her eye.    
  
Catra steadied herself in front of the mic, adjusting her hands on her guitar. She nodded to Scorpia, who started to count them in.    
  
Catra began her song’s introduction. Of course, it was another cover. It was always a fucking cover, never one she cared about. Ms.Weaver had picked out their line ups for every show they had for the next year.    
  
Christ, a year. Catra didn’t think she could handle a year of this. She thought of Adora, laughing happily on Swift Wind’s back as they ran circles around Catra on the sprawling green lawn of Bright Moon. Playing keep-away with Catra’s jacket.    
  
She swallowed and glanced up at the crowd. She was supposed to be singing right now, but she made no sound.    
  
Catra remembered Adora sleeping peacefully on her chest after Catra had found her in the rain. Waking up to the smell of hay and lavender on her shirt. Her heart squeezed painfully in her chest.    
  
The look in her eyes while she sang along in the car with Catra, the magical sound of her laugh. Catra wanted to make her laugh like that again.    
  
Catra stopped playing her guitar and let her shoulders slump. A confused hush fell over the crowd. Catra glanced at her friends, two people who had followed her into this mess and were still standing right behind her even though they were clearly as unhappy as Catra felt.    
  
Catra didn’t want this. She wanted the boring fields of green grass, the smell of summer on the breeze. The sprawling, endless expanse of blue sky. She wanted to wake up to the sound of bird song after a rowdy dinner inside the kitchen of the giant white farmhouse.    
  
She wanted Adora, in her arms, kissing her on the lips.    
  
Catra glanced back at the crowd. She was aware of Ms.Weaver hissing at her from off stage, but she ignored it.    
  
“I can’t do this.”    
  
Catra glanced back at her friends. They looked relieved. Scorpia was grinning like she’d just gotten the best news she could get. Entrapta threw her arms in the air with childlike excitement that Catra was actually relieved to see.    
  
She had no idea if she’d be welcomed back into Etheria. Actually, she really, really doubted it. But she couldn’t stay here.

  
Catra smiled, really smiled, for the first time in months. “Let’s go home.”    



	20. Chapter 20

* * *

_"_ _Put myself back together again_   
_'Cause I still got a couple loose ends_   
_And I got pretty lucky, made a whole bunch of money_   
_But I don't feel any better yet"_

* * *

Catra, Entrapta, and Scorpia had booked it off that stage and out of the building so fast that they didn’t even stop for their things.    
  
Which made the fact that Scorpia had forgotten to take her wallet out of her back pocket that much more amazing when they got to the airport. It was chaos trying to hail a cab and make it before the next flight back to Dryl took off. They had made it by the skin of their teeth. In her pocket, her phone was going off almost constantly with messages and calls from Ms.Weaver but Catra turned her phone off.    
  
She didn’t care what Weaver had to say, she didn’t give a single fuck if her musical career was over right now. She knew what she wanted, and she had to at least try for it or she’d always be left wondering. … Right? Fear that she made a mistake began to creep in.   
  
Once they were seated on the plane, Catra began to freak out. Naturally.    
  
Scorpia seemed completely happy, waiting for the plane to take off and busily texting Perfmuna what had just happened. Entrapta kept showing Catra the news reports. She was sure they had logical headlines like “Opening Band Calls It Quits On Stage”, but all Catra was seeing was “Giant Dumbass Gives Up Lifelong Dream, Becomes Bitter Lonely Pig Farmer”.    
  
Catra resisted the urge to yell at them both. Remembering the last time she’d let her fury loose on someone and how much damage it had done. She had to work on that. Maybe Perfuma could use her flower power or whatever and help Catra out if she asked, ugh, nicely.    
  
When the plane finally took off and they were safely in the air, allowed to wander about the cabin; Catra headed for the bathroom. She spent what must have been the better part of an hour using crappy airplane napkins trying to scrub off all the make-up. No more of that. If she was going to wear make-up, she’d be putting it on herself. And she wouldn’t look like a clown’s goth sibling when she was done.    
  
Catra looked at herself in the mirror. She looked exhausted. Catra couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept through the night. Maybe she’d get some on the flight. Sure it was only a few hours, but it would be something. Something other than completely losing her mind over what she had just done, and what she still had to do.    
  
She took a deep breath, splashed some cold water on her face, and left the washroom.    
  
Catra settled herself in next to Scorpia, doing her best to keep her fried nerves in check by closing her eyes and trying to think about anything except for Adora.    
  
  
Naturally, she dreamt of Adora. 

The night of the fire, Catra and Adora had one of their rare serious fights.    
  
Catra sat in the basement lounge chair staring angrily at the television, her arms crossed over her chest. Insecurity had made her angry. She couldn’t help it. She was afraid Adora was going to find someone better to spend all her time with, and Catra would be alone. Looking back, this seemed like nonsense because Adora had always done her best to make sure Catra knew she was loved.    
  
Adora had a lot of friends, and yeah Catra got to hang out with them too because Adora never did anything without Catra, but they were still really only Adora’s friends. Earlier that day, Adora had been invited to get lunch with some boy while Catra spent another recess inside because she’d used a permanent marker to make the whiteboard more… interesting. Just as a last day of school before summer break prank. She’d been caught red handed.    
  
Catra could see them from the window of the classroom, sitting out by the perimeter fence sharing pizza and chips. Adora was laughing and looking happy to be there. The other kid kept touching her arms and trying to move closer. It didn’t matter that Adora kept moving away from him. Catra remembered feeling crushed, but she had no words to explain why. Adora was her own person, of course. Catra understood that. But everyone always liked Adora better.    
  
Kids had teased Catra about it, about how Adora only kept her around out of pity and that one day she was going to see sense and ditch Catra for better people.    
  
At the end of the school day, Catra had been seething in her insecurity for hours and the abundance of emotions she didn't know how to feel or process had made her angry and short tempered.    
  
Adora walked up to her happily and flung her arm around Catra’s shoulders, a familiar gesture that Adora saved only for Catra.    
  
“Hey, Adora.” She greeted, her voice sharp.    
  
Adora sensed the bad mood immediately and withdrew her arm just a little. “Hey, you okay?”    
  
“Why don’t you go ask your new friend?” Catra grumbled, jerking away from Adora’s touch.    
  
“What?” Adora’s face morphed from one of concern to one of befuddlement.    
  
Honestly, if Catra were in a better mood, she would have made fun of her.    
  
“Aren’t you going to go hang out with what’s-his-face?”    
  
“No? I told you I wanted to go to your house today and watch that movie you were telling me about.” Adora was frowning now.    
  
“You don’t have to pity me anymore, Adora. You can go hang out with other people.”    
  
“Pity you?” Adora sounded offended. “No, I wanted to hang out with you.”   
  
Catra scowled and walked faster to get ahead of Adora.    
  
“Wha- Hey!” Adora had protested, jogging to catch up. “What’s gotten into you? Did someone make fun of you again?”    
  
“No.” Catra snipped, staring ahead angrily.    
  
“Then what?”    
  
“I know you’re going to replace me, just get it over with,”    
  
“I could never replace you!” Adora protested, trying to look Catra in the eye.    
  
“Yeah you could, you’re little-miss-perfect and I’m just the stray you drag around for feel good points.” Catra scoffed. She regretted her words a little when she saw the hurt in her shimmering blue eyes.    
  
“Is that what you think of me?”    
  
“Am I wrong?” Catra sneered at her, forcing back the new wave of insecurity when Adora didn’t argue.    
  
“You know what Catra,” Adora snapped back, “Suit yourself. If you’re not going to listen to me, you can go sulk alone. Come find me when you’ve gotten over yourself.”    
  
Adora had veered off their normally travelled path to take the longer route home, leaving Catra standing alone on her street corner. Hurt rolled through her like a thunder cloud.    
  
She’d come home in a flurry of anger and tossed belongings all over the front landing of her house. Her mom had asked what was wrong but Catra ignored her, storming into the basement where she’d be left alone. Probably.    
  
She cried for a bit in the privacy of her room. Falling deeper and deeper into her pit of despair, convinced that she’d finally done it. She’d finally forced Adora away. She managed to pull herself together long enough to go turn on the T.V to watch after school cartoons, trying not to think about how she probably really was alone now.    
  
She’d been lost in the swirl of depressing thoughts and remorse when she heard someone coming down the stairs. Light feet, not her parents. She didn't look up. She knew those foot-steps. They always tripped on the top step.   
  
“Hey,” Adora’s voice was soft, an almost whisper, reproachful.    
  
“Hey.” Catra grumbled back, pulling her arms closer to herself. “Why are you here?”   
  
“My parents brought me over when I told them what happened. Are you okay?”    
  
“Do you care?” Catra snapped, refusing to look at her friend.    
  
“Of course I do.” Adora’s voice was closer now, just beside the couch. “You’re my best friend.”    
  
Catra felt her muscles loosen a little bit at the affirmation. “Sorry.” She grumbled, sniffling a little. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Adora sat down next to her. Catra could feel the warmth of her skin in the small space between them.    
  
“No.”    
  
“Okay. Do you want to watch that movie now?”    
  
Catra nodded, and got up off the couch to set up the DVD player. She popped the disk in and grabbed the remote from the coffee table, then went back to sit with Adora. She looked at her best friend for the first time since they’d met after school.   
  
Adora had been crying, too.    
  
Catra felt guilt well up inside her. She hadn’t meant to hurt Adoras feelings like that. She got back up onto the couch and rested her head on Adora’s shoulder and together, like they always were, they watched the movie.    
  
They’d fallen asleep when it was over, it was getting late after all. Tired, but excited for a summer full of adventures just for the two of them.   
  
They’d woken up some time later to a room full of smoke that choked them awake. Hearing their parents calling their names from the floor up above through the roar of growing flame.    
  
Catra woke up as the plane was making its descent, the turbulent landing really just doing wonders for her still pounding head.    
  
The flight attendant’s voice came through the speakers over their heads, telling them that they’d landed safely in Dryl’s airport and that they could begin to gather their luggage.    
  
The three of them had no luggage, so they walked off the plane before anyone else could to avoid the crowd.    
  
Catra glanced at Scorpia, feeling guilty that she’d left her own wallet back with her belongings at the concert they’d abandoned. “I have to get to Bright Moon.”   
  
“Yeah you do!” Scorpia cheered, fist pumping.    
  
Catra blinked, surprised. “What?”    
  
“Oh come on, we’ve been waiting for you to tell Adora how you feel.”    
  
“Wha- You _ knew? _ ” Catra balked, looking between her two friends. They were both nodding like this was a well known fact.    
  
“Yeah, we kinda figured there was something there at Mystacore,” Scorpia explained, shrugging. “But we definitely knew when you couldn’t take your eyes off of her at the party. Actually! We all kind of had a bet going on how long it would take you to figure it out.”    
  
“You’re kidding me.” Catra’s shoulders sunk. “So you weren’t just making fun of me.”    
  
“No! Bow even confessed to being the one who broke our car, so you’d get some more time to get your act together. You didn’t.”    
  
“Oh my god.” Catra’s face felt hot and she hid her face in her hand.    
  
“It really is quite remarkable that it took you so long, but you’ve been quite repressed and you're not so great with feelings that aren't irritation and all encompassing rage... so … I guess it makes sense.” Entrapta nodded along.    
  
“I can’t believe this.” Catra groaned, embarrassed.    
  
“Believe it! Come on, let’s get a cab. We gotta get out there and get you two crazy kids together- oh my it’s chilly out here.” Scorpia stepped out into the street and shivered.    
  


Catra honestly doubted that Adora wanted her the same way, but it was too late to turn back now. Scorpia would drag her there even if it meant she had to walk there and carry Catra on her back.

  
All three of them got blasted with an icy wind and Catra’s teeth began to chatter. “Gotta love Dryl.”    
  
They caught a cab -honestly that was lucky on it’s own, the streets were deserted this late at night- and Scorpia blessedly convinced the driver to drive them all the way out to Etheria. Promising a really exceptional tip, and Entrapta said she’d perform his car maintenance for free.    
  
The hours crammed in the back of the cab were excruciating for Catra. The closer she got to Etheria, to Bright Moon Meadows… To Adora, the higher her anxiety climbed. Adora hadn’t tried to reach back out, but this time she didn’t blame her for it. She probably hated Catra.   
She was basically hyper ventilating by the time they came up to the Bright Moon entrance gates.    
  
The taxi car pushed through the snow drifts into the main driveway and parked in front of the house.    
  
“Wow.” Catra breathed, looking out the back seat windows. The whole place looked like a postcard in the winter.    
  
Snow blanketed everything, and more of it was falling. Though, the wind was turning it into more of a blizzard, gently rocking the car.    
  
Catra got out of the taxi and shuddered as an icy blast blew right up under her thin jacket. Once again she came unprepared for the extreme weather patterns of the countryside. Maybe one day she’d learn her lesson.   
  
She made it to the front door and knocked. The lights were on, she could see them warm glow through the windows. She stood dancing from foot to foot to try and keep some memory of warmth. No one came to the door. She tried again. Nothing.    
  
Catra tentatively tried the door handle and found it unlocked, as usual. She glanced back at the car. Scorpia and Entrapta were standing outside of it, Entrapta already elbow deep in the car’s engine performing her maintenance. Scorpia was shivering, holding a flashlight from her phone so that Entrapta could see what she was doing.   
  
Catra stepped into the house. Warm air and silence greeted her.    
  
“Hello?” She called, but nobody answered her. “Adora?”    
  
She stood awkwardly in the front hallway for a moment, and then ascended the stairs. It wasn’t even her home, but the familiarity of it still soothed her nerves just a little. Enough to give her the courage to knock on Adora’s door.    
  
It fell open, already ajar. The lights were off. “Adora?” She called into the room, but she knew it was empty.    
  
She flipped on the bedroom light and looked around. It was the same as she remembered it being. The only difference, at least the only blaring difference, was the shirt on one of Adora’s pillows. Catra didn’t have to look at it closer, she recognized it as the one she thought she had lost. What was it doing there? Had Adora been sleeping with it?    
  
The thought warmed her heart but it was quickly snuffed out by another crashing wave of guilt. She wouldn’t let herself think that Adora still cared.    
  
Catra turned the light off and headed back downstairs. There was nobody in here, which was strange because it was almost one in the morning by this point.    
  
She stepped back outside into the unforgiving winter night and shrugged at Scorpia.    
  
Scorpia shivered and pointed to the barn. Catra followed her arm and saw that the barn lights were on. The warm glow spilling out into the snow around the entrance. There was a van parked nearby. It was hard to read from the porch. Catra stepped out into the snow drifts and made slow progress towards the barn.    
  
County of Etheria Veterinary Services, read the bold letters on the side. Catra swallowed. Why was that here at this time of night?    
  
Catra stepped into the barn silently. It was almost no warmer inside than outside, but at least she was out of the wind. She shook the snow off of her legs and arms and took a moment to look around.    
  
Dread filled her stomach when she saw that everyone was gathered outside of the stall that Catra remembered as being Swift Wind’s. Everyone but Adora. Where was she?    
  
“I’ve done all I can do for him right now, we just have to hope that the meds I gave him help.” Catra didn’t recognize the woman speaking. She must be the vet.    
  
“Thank you so much. Go home and get some rest, we’ll call you again if anything changes.” Angella’s tone was sombre. At her side, Glimmer and Bow were peering in through the steel bars of the stall door. Catra couldn’t see Swift Wind inside.    
  
Catra panicked when they all started moving and she ducked back outside to hide around the side of the barn. She was barely ready to face Adora. She didn’t think she could handle facing everyone else right this moment.    
Catra stood in the shadows, shivering and watching as everyone, one-by-one, left the barn. Again, everyone except for Adora.    
  
“I’m going to make some coffee,” Glimmer said to Bow as they shuffled back to the house together. “Bring her something warm.”    
  
“Yeah.” Bow’s voice was sad, he was nodding in agreement.    
  
Catra waited until they were far enough away from the stable that she could sneak back inside without being seen.    
  
The lights had been turned off everywhere except for over Swift Wind’s stall.    
  
Catra slowly made her way up to the door, which was still open.    
  
The sight inside nearly broke her heart.    
  
Swift Wind was laying on his side in the middle of the stall. His normally pristine white fur was drenched in sweat. His muscles quivered ceaselessly, and his breathing was loud and laboured. Every few breaths he’d make a sound that Catra thought might be a cough, but she wasn’t sure what a horse cough would sound like.    
  
She couldn’t see his head, it was blocked by Adora. She was sitting with her back to the isle, cross legged. Swift Wind’s head was in her lap and she was gently stroking his face. Her shoulders were slumped under the blanket over her shoulders.    
  
Catra had to bite her lip to keep from making a sound.    
  
Adora was singing softly to Swift Wind, her voice sounded beaten down and broken. Still beautiful, but far from what Catra loved to hear. Catra’s chest ached at the broken melody.   
  
_ “When you press me to your heart _

_ I'm in a world apart _

_ A world where roses bloom _

_ And when you speak _

_ Angels sing from above _

_ Everyday words seems _

_ To turn into love song”  _ _   
_   
Adora’s voice broke. She paused to sniffle and wipe at her eyes.   
  


_ “Give your heart and soul to me _

_ And life will always be … la vie en rose” _ _   
_ _   
_ Catra watched while Adora leaned down and pressed her forehead against Swift Wind’s cheek. She was shivering but Catra didn’t think it was from the cold. His laboured breathing filled the silence.    
  
“Hey, Adora.” 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again v-v apologies for the shorter chapter. things are starting to look dire for poor swift wind

* * *

_"It ain't pretty, it ain't pretty_   
_When a heart breaks"_

* * *

Adora whipped around so fast that Catra thought it must have really hurt her neck. Her eyes were wide -and bloodshot from crying- with surprise. Surprise shifted into disbelief. Then into confusion. Anger. Finally, she landed on hurt and seemed to stay there.    
  
“What are you doing here?” Her voice was hoarse.    
  
Catra shifted uncomfortably. “I uhm. I tried calling.”    
  
Adora stared at her, her expression unmoving. In her lap, Swift Wind wheezed.    
  
Catra shook her head, “What’s wrong with him?”    
  
Adora’s eyes filled back up with tears and she looked away. “Bow found him like this a few hours ago.”    
  
Catra hesitantly stepped into the stall. “Is he going to be okay?”    
  
Adora didn’t say anything, but Catra supposed that was all the answer she needed. They didn’t know. Catra’s heart sank, looking at the once magnificent stallion she’d seen running faster than the wind alongside Scorpia’s car months ago. Now he was a shivering, wheezing, pathetic mound of white fur and Catra was trying not to cry thinking about it. This horse was everything to Adora, and it looked like he was dying.    
  
Catra stepped further into the stall, sitting next to Adora on the other side of Swift Wind’s head. She could see his eyes now, cloudy and distant. He was really sick. Catra swallowed back bile rising in her throat. She glanced up at Adora. Her eyes were fixated on Swift Wind’s. Her fingers, red from the cold, were gently stroking his ears and cheek. She saw a tear fall from Adora’s chin and land on his nose. Adora dried it away with the cuff of her sleeve.    
  
“Adora-”    
  
“Why are you here?”    
  
Catra sighed and leaned up against a wall. “I don’t know.” That was a lie. “I… missed you.” That’s better.    
  
Adora’s jaw worked, something she only did when she was angry.    
  
“I’m sorry.” Catra felt like she was pulling out her own teeth apologizing, but Adora deserved an apology. “I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just. I’m sorry.”    
  
Adora didn’t move or speak. Her fingers had become tangled in her horse’s forelock. Catra listened to Swift Wind’s laboured breathing and waited for several agonizing minutes for Adora to respond.    
  
“Why did you… What did I do?” Adora’s voice was almost a whisper.    
  
Catra’s stomach rolled with nausea. Had Adora thought that this was her fault, all this time?    
  
“You didn’t do anything wrong. I just.” She brought her head between her knees, trying to ride the wave of emotions she was experiencing without lashing out again. “I got inside my own head. It wasn’t you.” 

“Are you staying or going?” Her tone was hard, now. Catra tried not to wince.    
  
“I’m staying. But I’ll go if you want me to.”   
  
“Catra, I really, really missed you.” Adora’s voice lost its edge, shattering into a hundred pieces. “If you ever pull anything like that again, I’m going to kill you.”    
  
Catra looked up to see fresh tears falling off of Adora’s face, landing on Swift Wind. He didn’t even flinch.    
  
Catra forced herself to smile, “Fair enough.”    
  
Catra flinched when she heard the barn door opening again, letting in a fresh blast of freezing winter air. Adora shivered.    
  
“Adora, I got you some coffee, I thought you’d like something to warm you up-” Glimmer froze when she saw Catra in the stall with Adora. Her eyes narrowed and outrage flared in her eyes. “What’s  _ she _ doing here?”    
  
Catra supposed she deserved that. “I uhm. I came to apologize.”   
  
“Where was your apology four months ago when we were picking up the pieces you left behind?” Glimmer’s voice steadily rose into a yell.    
  
Catra bit back her annoyance, this was deserved. “I’m sorry.”    
  
Glimmer looked like she wasn't done fuming, but Adora reached up and gently touched Glimmer’s arm. “It’s okay. We’re talking it out.”    
  
She didn’t look convinced, but she handed Adora the cup of coffee silently. Glaring at Catra, who felt herself shrinking against the wall and averting her gaze in shame.    
  
“Adora, can we speak to you for a moment?” Bow’s voice came from outside the stall.    
  
Adora looked hesitantly down at Swift Wind in her lap, her fingers tightening in his mane. 

  
“You go, I’ll stay with him.” Catra nodded, gesturing towards Glimmer.    
  
Relief painted Adora’s features, possibly the only relief she’d be getting for a while, and she slowly got to her feet. Catra could see just by watching her limp out of the stall that the cold barn was doing nothing for her scarred leg. Catra knew this because she’d only been out in the cold for a few minutes, but her shoulder was beginning to ache.    
  
When Adora got up, Catra crawled over to Swift Wind’s head and tentatively reached out to touch him. His skin was so hot with fever, Catra almost pulled her hand away. She inched a little closer and gently brushed her fingers over his face. He wheezed and then emitted another one of his painful sounding coughing noises. His whole body strained with the effort.    
  
Catra found herself shushing him gently, rubbing his ears like Adora had been going. Outside in the isle she was dimly aware of a hushed argument happening between Adora, Glimmer, and Bow. But she didn’t try to eavesdrop. Her attention was wholly on the horse beside her.    
  
“Listen, Swift Wind.” She whispered, his ear twitched towards her. “You can’t die. Adora needs you. She’s lost so much. Please, don’t make her lose you too.”    
  


She felt awkward talking to a horse, but she knew Adora spoke to him all the time. 

  
Swift Wind made a noise that Catra thought was either a sigh or a groan, it was hard to tell with the rattling wheezing noise that came from his chest. Catra continued to stroke his ears.   
The arguing outside the stall had settled down into a quiet discussion and Adora stepped back into the stall. She looked utterly defeated as soon as she saw her horse laying on the ground in the way that he was.   
  
Glimmer and Bow stood just over her shoulder, both eyeing Catra. Glimmer still looked upset, but less so than before. Bow just looked worried. Progress, she supposed.   
  
“Okay, well. Adora seems to think you two have this handled so we’re going to go back to the house and get some sleep.” Bow sounded like this wasn’t his idea. He stepped into full view with a couple blankets folded in his arms. He set them down in the entrance to the stall.   
  
“Adora, call us if you need anything. Okay?” Adora winced and avoided Glimmer’s gaze.   
  
Glimmer sighed, clearly frustrated. “You have to start keeping your phone with you, Adora.”   
  
“I have mine, I’ll make sure she calls.” Catra spoke up, holding her phone for the three of them to see.   
  
Glimmer gave her the stink-eye, but didn’t protest. She gave Adora a tight hug, and then her and Bow left Adora and Catra alone in the cold stable.   
  
Adora stood shaking by the entrance, but again Catra suspected that it wasn’t entirely because of the cold. Catra got to her feet and stepped around Swift Wind to stand next to her.   
  
“What if he doesn’t make it?” Adora whispered so quietly that Catra had to strain her ears to hear it. It was almost like Adora was afraid she would speak it into reality.   
  
“I don’t know.” Catra sighed, watching the stallion dismally.   
  
“Catra, I don’t think I can.” Adora’s voice shook, “I can’t do this without him.”   
  
Adora’s shaking got worse, she hugged her stomach tightly. Catra didn’t have time to try and bring her back down. Adora’s face got ghostly white and she ducked out of the stall and vomited into a bucket that had, thankfully, been sitting right outside.   
  
Catra stepped out after her, holding her hair back and gently rubbing Adora’s back while she emptied what Catra figured must have been her dinner into the bucket. Adora coughed and continued wretching until there was nothing left to come up.   
She hovered over the bucket for a moment, waiting to make sure she was done, and then stood up. Still pale, and still shaking. She didn’t look like she felt any better. Adora used her sleeve to wipe her mouth. She looked kind of embarrassed, but mostly like she still needed to throw up.   
  
Catra used the cuff of her sleeve to wipe the tears from her cheeks,then gently touched her face. Brushing the hair out of her eyes. It hurt to see her like this.   
  
“One thing at a time, okay?” Catra spoke softly, “Let’s just get him through the night.”   
  
Adora nodded numbly, and turned to head back into the stall. Catra picked up the spare blankets and followed her inside. Adora settled herself back down near Swift Wind’s head, pulling it back into her lap and resuming her ritual of stroking his ears and cheek. Catra draped an extra blanket around her shoulders and sat down next to her, pulling one of the blankets around her own shoulders.   
Adora rested her head against Catra’s shoulder.   
  
“Weren’t you supposed to be on tour?”   
  
Catra shrugged her free shoulder. “Yeah, but I ditched it.”   
  
“How come?”   
  
Catra swallowed. “I guess I realized that it wasn’t what I wanted, after all.”   
  
Her voice got quiet again. “And what do you want?”   
  
Catra glanced at Swift Wind. “Maybe this isn’t the time for this conversation.”   
  
“Catra, my horse is dying and you showed up out of nowhere with no warning after four months of silence. Tell me what’s on your _damn mind_ , for _once_.”   
  
Catra recoiled, taken off guard. She didn’t think that Adora had sworn once in her entire life. “ _Wow._ ”  
  
“Shut up. Tell me.” Adora’s voice was hoarse and grumbly, Catra might think it was cute if the situation wasn’t so somber.   
“I will, I promise I’ll tell you all about it. Not right now though.” Catra rested her head against Adora’s and joined her in stroking the stallion’s hot fur.  
  
Adora muttered something about Catra being an idiot, but didn’t argue anymore.   
  


The night wore on. 

Swift Wind didn’t seem to be getting any better. 

At three in the morning, the temperature managed to drop even more. They’d brought heaters into the stall with them, but they still shivered. 

Adora kept reaching out of the protection of their now shared blanket to touch Swift Wind. At first Catra had been confused and a little irritated because Adora just kept letting cold air into their warm blanket tent. It must have been the third time Adora did this that Catra realized that she was just reaffirming he was still alive. Catra stopped caring about the cold after that.

His heavy wheezing had gradually gotten weaker as the hours ticked by. Around five in the morning, things were looking grim. His tremors had stopped but Catra had the sick feeling that it wasn’t a good sign. 

Adora abandoned Catra’s side to dig around in supplies the vet had left for them, returning with a shockingly large needle in her hand. She surprised Catra with her steady hand as she gave her horse another dose of whatever the vet had administered hours ago. 

Adora’s expression was heavy with grief. 

“Adora.” Catra called her quietly. 

She said nothing and didn’t look up. But she did come back to Catra and let herself be wrapped back up so she wouldn’t freeze. 

Catra nudged her gently. “Try and get some sleep. Okay?” 

Adora shook her head. 

  
“I want to be up in case anything… happens.”    
  
“Nothing is going to happen.”    
  
Adora shrugged and looked away. “You can’t know that.”    
  
Catra said nothing, because Adora was right. She couldn’t know if it was going to be okay.    



	22. Chapter 22

* * *

_"I found cynicism, I found criticism_   
_I've been the zero, the hero_   
_And I have been the villain_   
_I lost more than a heart can take_   
_But I found you on the way"_

* * *

Catra’s shoulder was home to an ache made so intense by the cold that she could swear it was throbbing with its own heartbeat. Of course, the sleep deprivation wasn’t helping. Neither was her mood. Or the situation. Pretty much everything sucked right now.  
  
Actually, Adora being asleep on her good shoulder helped though.   
  
Catra had finally convinced Adora to get some sleep when the sun started to lessen the dark outside. It had almost turned into an argument because they were both so exhausted and worn out with their emotions running high all night.   
  
Catra had to swear up and down several times that she would be awake to watch Swift Wind before Adora settled down and begrudgingly closed her eyes.   
  
If the circumstances weren’t so dire, Catra might think it was funny that she was so grumpy.   
  
Glimmer and Bow stopped by not long after Adora fell asleep to check on them. Catra had to shush Glimmer twice, which earned her a hard glare. But Adora was asleep, and Catra was determined to keep it that way.   
  
“Don’t think I’m not watching you.” She whispered, her threat carrying no weight with her hushed tone and ungroomed bedhead.   
  
Catra glanced at Bow. He had stepped into the stall with them to check on Swift Wind, but he glanced up when Glimmer started acting protective of Adora. It was sweet that they cared so much, if not intimidating.   
  
“I know.” Catra whispered back, trying to be extra careful not to wake Adora up. “I’m sorry.”   
  
“What were you even thinking?” Glimmer grumbled, sitting down on Catra’s other side.   
  
“I wasn’t.” She reclined her head against the stall door. “I was afraid, I guess.”   
  
Bow glanced up, his expression suggested he was about to tease her but she shot him a hard glare and he stayed silent.   
  
“Adora is the least threatening person on the planet. Sure, she _could_ beat you into a pulp, but she would never, What could you possibly have been afraid of?” Glimmer shared a look with Bow.   
  
Catra remembered how her friends had conspired with Adora’s friends to make Catra stay on the farm longer. Which meant they knew, and were prodding her for information. Underhanded and sneaky, a little unfair, but smart; she had to admit.   
  
Catra swallowed. Saying it out loud would make it real. Was she ready for real? She fidgeted with the necklace Adora had given her.   
  
“I was scared because …” She glanced at Adora’s sleeping face. She could see her eyelashes fluttering gently.   
  
“Because?” Glimmer prompted patiently.   
  
“Because I think I was.” Christ, this was hard. Why was it so hard? “I think I am...”   
  
Glimmer stared at her and Catra looked away. “Spit it out, Catra.”   
  
Catra swallowed hard. “Because I was afraid of falling in love with her.”   
  
She was met with a moment of strained silence. Swift Wind’s breathing was the only sound between the four of them. Catra wished she were back in Adora’s bed, wrapped up in the comforter and hiding away from the world and her feelings. She thought she’d be having this conversation with Adora, not her two meddling best friends.   
  
“And? Are you?” Bow prompted when the silence got too long for their liking.   
  
Catra cleared her throat as quietly as she could, hyper aware of Adora next to her. What if she woke up and heard this?   
  
“Aw, she’s blushing! You are! Aren't you?” Glimmer’s voice became a loud whisper, excitement rising in her voice.   
  
Catra tried to hide her face with her free hand, embarrassment surging forward like waves against breakers during a storm.   
  
“Oh my god, you are!!” Glimmer almost yelled this time, and Catra slapped her hand over Glimmer’s mouth.   
  
“Shut. Up.” Catra hissed through her teeth. “Don’t wake her up.”   
  
Glimmer apologized quietly but she was basically vibrating with excitement. Bow had his hands up by his mouth and Catra could swear his eyes grew in size. On her shoulder, Adora stirred. 

Catra’s heart leapt into her throat, but Adora didn’t open her eyes. They all sighed with relief. Catra guessed they didn’t want her finding out this way, either.  
  
“Are you going to tell her?” Bow asked, crawling over to join their conservation.   
  
Catra watched Swift Wind. She couldn’t help but feel like this was a bad time for this conversation. It was true, of course. But she was still using it as her excuse not to talk about it. But she had to admit, it was a welcome distraction for the distress of watching the animal Adora poured her love into growing up here die in front of them.   
  
“I dunno. I came back intending to but.” She gestured weakly at the stallion currently occupying her priorities.   
  
“That’s so romantic. Ditching your tour and travelling across the country to confess your love.” Bow sighed, sharing a giddy expression with Glimmer.   
  
“Ugh.” Catra groaned. “Please go away.”   
  
“Actually, we were kind of thinking we would relieve you two. We know Adora’s leg gets sore in the winter, and we’re fresh eyes.”   
  
“I had to fight her just to get her to sleep here, in the stall.”   
  
“Yeah,” Bow sighed. Clearly he knew all about Adora’s stubbornness. “Just pick her up and carry her out.”   
  
“I’m sorry, do I look like the she-hulk to you?” Catra deadpanned, gesturing towards her own thin frame.   
  
“Oh, right. Uhm. I guess you have to wake her up.”   
  
“Just let her sleep,” Catra sighed, “She’s had a rough night.”   
  
“The vet is coming back soon, anyways. She’ll want to be here for that.” Glimmer points out, and Bow sighed in resignation.   
  
The two of them left to go do the barn work that Adora usually did in the mornings. Catra supposed that it needed to be done regardless of what was happening here. Catra resumed her dutiful post as sick horse watchman.   
  
She listened to the sounds of other horses and Bow and Glimmer going about their work, the soft sounds making Catra drowsy. She’d almost completely fallen asleep when movement by her feet snapped her out of it. She jumped a little, which made Adora grunt in her sleep with displeasure.   
  
“Oh my god.” Catra muttered to herself, rubbing her eyes to make sure she was totally awake.   
  
“Adora. Adora, wake up.” Catra began shaking Adora to rouse her.   
  
“What?” She asked, her voice rough from sleep. “Is it Swift Wind? Is he okay?”   
  
Adora sat up so fast that Catra caught the top of Adora’s shoulder on her jaw. Catra cursed loudly at her.   
“Jesus, Adora.” She grumbled, rubbing her jaw sorely. “Just look.”

Catra may as well have been a ghost though, because Adora wasn't listening. Instead she was shifting foot to foot, unsure of what to do with herself. Catra had seen Adora smile millions of times, but this almost put the rest of them to shame. 

Swift Wind wasn’t quite on his feet, but he was trying to be. Catra had watched him struggle into his more upright position. He was still laying down, but at least he looked less like a corpse than before. Adora dropped back down to her knees and hugged his face. Catra thought he looked a little startled by all her sudden movements, but then again he was a horse. Catra didn’t know squat about horses. 

Adora had her eyes closed, on her knees, her forehead against his head. So of course she didn’t see when he started looking antsy. Catra got up from the ground -she was super fucking sore, holy shit- and gently pulled Adora away from him by her shoulder. 

“Wha- hey!” Adora protested, but she quieted once she saw why Catra had intervened. 

Swift Wind’s breathing was still more laboured than it should be, but he was getting up. He wobbled as he struggled to get his legs under himself, getting his hind end up first. Then, lacking all grace, he stumbled onto all fours.   
  
Adora looked beside herself with emotion. Catra watched while she threw her arms around Swift Wind’s neck and hugged him tightly as though she never wanted to let go again.   
  
“Catra!” She exclaimed happily, surprisingly letting go of her horse to look back after several long minutes.   
  
“I see it.” Catra almost laughed, tentatively walking up to him to stroke his neck. Maybe he wasn’t so bad, after all. Not that she’d admit it out loud just yet.   
  
“Catra, I’m not going to lose him.” Adora’s eyes were filled with tears again but Catra knew these were happy, “He’s going to be okay.”   
  
“I told you he was going to be okay,” Catra smirked at her from over Swift Wind’s neck.   
  
Adora scowled, it was kind of cute. “No, you said nothing was going to happen.”   
  
“Whatever, I was right. I’m evoking the ancient right to say ‘I told you so’.” Catra stuck her tongue out at Adora.   
  
Adora just laughed, it was a beautiful sound after the night they had.   
  
Catra glanced out into the isle when she heard the sound of footsteps pounding against the packed frozen earth of the barn floor, and saw Bow and Glimmer all but fall into the stall with them.   
  
“What’s going on?!” Bow gasped, clutching his side like he had a stitch.   
  
“He’s going to be okay!” Adora beamed, her giddy bouncing lighting up the room.   
  
They seemed to finally register that Swift Wind had gotten back to his feet. Glimmer and Bow both exploded with excited yelling, making Catra wince but she was glad everyone was so happy. Glimmer and Bow both surged into the stall to tackle Adora in a group hug, much to Swift Wind’s dismay. He still looked sick, but not so sick that he wasn’t offended that his Adora Time got cut short. Catra was about to laugh at them, but Glimmer stuck her arm out and yanked Catra into the hug as well.   
At first, Catra struggled to get out of it. But Adora and Bow’s arms pulled her in tighter and she stopped resisting. The warmth of the embrace, both literal and metaphorical, made her smile, despite herself.   
  
Adora’s face was right next to hers. Their faces were so close that Catra could feel the warmth of her breath through the cold air, and Catra could almost count the golden flecks in Adora’s eyes. Catra had missed her so much.   
  
Without any warning, the hug disbanded and Glimmer and Bow left the stall to resume their work after just a little more excited chatter and relieved crying from Adora. They didn’t leave without winking at Catra first though. A fact at which Catra scowled.   
  
Catra turned back to Adora, who suddenly looked very pale again. Like she might need to revisit the bucket in the isle. She was staring at Swift Wind’s shoulder, and for a moment Catra was scared that something new was wrong with him. Catra stepped around to look at where Adora was staring, but saw nothing wrong. At least, nothing her untrained eye could see.   
  
“Adora?” She asked, waving her hand in front of her friend’s face. “You okay?”   
  
Adora seemed to snap out of whatever that was thinking, and stared at Catra. Blinking slowly. “Yeah- no. I’m just. I’m suddenly just so tired.”   
  
Catra let out a relieved sigh under her breath. “Yeah, maybe you should go get some real sleep in a real bed. Where it’s warm.”   
  
Adora hesitated, glancing back at her horse. He still wobbled a little bit, but he had wandered over to his feed bucket and seemed to be tentatively nibbling at whatever food he had in there. Catra thought a return of appetite was definitely a good thing. Adora definitely seemed to think so, because she was smiling again just watching him.   
  
“He’s going to be okay.” Catra reminded her, gently bumping her shoulder. “Glimmer and Bow are here, and the vet’s coming soon. He’s in good hands.”   
  
Adora still seemed hesitant to leave, but she nodded. “Yeah. Okay.” Exhaustion must have won her over. Something for which Catra was glad. She didn’t have the energy to fight about it.   
  
Catra gestured to the isle and together they stepped out. Adora closed the stall door behind them for the first time since Catra had gotten back. She supposed that now that Swift Wind was back on his feet, it wouldn’t be long before he began his usual escapist tactics. Better to get ahead.   
  
Adora left Catra standing by the barn door while she went to find Bow and Glimmer to tell them she was going inside to get some sleep and warm up. Catra could hear bits and pieces of the conversation but she wasn’t really paying attention. Catra hadn’t slept since the plane, and that had been a crappy plane nap on top of weeks of less than restful sleeps. Now that the stress of the night was over, the world seemed to be almost spinning around her. Like she was looking at everything through a thin veil of water, coming in and out of focus. It did not feel good.   
She barely noticed when Adora rejoined her to head inside. Adora had to touch her arm and gently shake her.   
  
They stepped out into the yard. Everything was so bright and white that it made Catra’s head hurt. She squinted through the blinding white to try and locate the house. Snow had piled up knee-high through the night. Had it been storming all night? They’d barely noticed. Catra shivered as snow fell into her shoes.   
  
Adora laughed at her a little, and Catra told her to shut up. She led the way through the snow mounds, thankfully because Catra could barely get through the fresh snow without tripping and falling. She was a little surprised that Adora managed it so well, being just as exhausted as Catra was. But she was too tired to question it.   
  
The rest of the journey from outside the farm house to inside Adora’s bedroom was a sleep-deprived haze of stumbling, shivering, and yawning. The house was so much warmer than outside. She’d almost forgotten what feeling warm felt like. Despite it being much warmer inside, they still shivered. Catra vaguely remembered the rain storm she’d brought Adora home in. This time though, the mood was a lot happier. Adora drew her curtain’s shut. They did nothing to darken the room, but they took the sharp brightness out of the air and that's all Catra could really ask for.   
  
Adora handed her a spare pair of sweatpants and the same sweater she’d been lent before, and then disappeared into the bathroom to get changed. Leaving Catra to change in Adora’s room. Catra eagerly shed her damp clothing and hopped into the soft, warm, Adora-smelling clothes.   
  
Catra sat tiredly on the edge of the bed, staring at the floor. Again, she didn’t even notice when Adora came back in. All she felt was a soft touch pulling on her shoulder, pulling her back onto the bed. Adora had occupied the other side. She’d pulled out her ponytail and her hair hung loose around her face. If Catra hadn’t been so exhausted, she probably would have stopped to admire how well it framed Adora’s pretty face.   
  
Catra didn’t even question it when Adora pressed herself up completely against Catra’s side. Personal space simply did not exist in this moment, and Catra wouldn’t have it any other way. They were both shivering and the extra warmth did not go unappreciated. Adora rested her head in the crook between Catra’s shoulder and neck and was completely unconscious within seconds. Catra tugged the blanket over them both and breathed Adora’s scent in deep. Allowing the smell of hay and lavender to accompany her as she fell asleep too. She could fall asleep like this for the rest of her life, if Adora let her. 


	23. Chapter 23

* * *

_"Doesn't matter where I go_   
_Doesn't matter if I run_   
_We were always gonna get too close_   
_We were always gonna fall in love"_

* * *

Catra groaned as she unfortunately came back into fluid consciousness. Her whole body was sore from shivering all night, but at least she felt less like she was going to collapse. That being said, she was still pretty tired. After she laid motionless for as long as she could before her joints began to get stiff, Catra reluctantly opened her eyes. The room was awash in the soft orange glow of a pre-sunset sky. Had they slept through the whole day? Catra slowly sits up, rubbing her shoulder sorely. A quick glance at her phone on the side table told her that, yes, she had in fact slept through the day. But it was still today.   
  
Last night felt like it happened months ago, after sleeping so deeply. Catra had slept dreamlessly for the first time in months. Whether it was because she was so tired, or because Adora was here, she wasn’t sure. Probably both. The past month in particular had been bad for nightmares and unsettling dreams. Always the same, always fire, and pain, and calling for Adora to come back with no answer. Always.   
  
Catra closed her eyes and ran her hands down her face to try and shake the images from her head. She sat still for several long minutes, listening to the sounds of the house around her. Someone was in the kitchen downstairs, the sounds of dishes clashing and steady conversation muffled through the wooden floors. The sound of snow sliding off the roof outside Adora’s window. The gentle creaking and groaning of the wooden beams as they settled for the evening. Adora’s soft breath next to her.   
  
Catra opened her eyes and glanced at Adora’s sleeping form. She had rolled over, back towards Catra. Her blanket was partially kicked off and one of her legs hung haphazardly off the edge of the bed. Her hair was an explosion across her pillow and face. Catra smiled and shook her head. What Adora lacked in grace, she certainly made up for in comfort.   
  
The words climbed up into her throat, the feeling, the all encompassing thought she’d been having for months. They hung on her tongue. Wanting to tumble out and alert Adora to their existence, damned be the consequences. Catra held them back. Adora sighed in her sleep and adjusted her arm so that it was under her pillow, supporting her head. The words fought harder to get out. Catra stayed silent.   
  
Catra, quietly as she could manage, slid out from under the covers and padded across the room to where her jacket was hanging off of the chair she’d tossed it onto in her exhausted zombie-like state that morning. She glanced once more at Adora, still sleeping peacefully, and then turned and headed down the stairs. 

Catra wanted to stay there, with Adora. Wanted to roll over and drape her arm around Adora’s waist and press her forehead against the spot between Adora’s shoulder blades. To listen to her stray heartbeat, and the sound of her breathing, to breathe in her scent and fall back into sleep. But the words pressing on her tongue, threatening to ruin this gentle blissful thing that was happening between them now, forced Catra out of bed.   
  
Catra entered the kitchen and glanced around to see who was here. Scorpia and Entrapta were animatedly talking to Angella and Micha, who looked like they still hadn’t gotten used to their combined excited energies. Catra wasn’t sure they ever would. God knows Catra never has. Not that she really minds them anymore.   
  
To Catra, it sounded as though they were telling the story of how Catra had said ‘enough’ and left in the middle of a performance to come back here. Catra stiffened, but thankfully her friends left out the part about Catra doing it to come back to Adora because she was heart achingly in love with her, and regretted ever leaving in the first place. Though, the looks on Angella and Micha’s faces suggested that they might already know. Figures.   
  
“So, we lost like- all our stuff. But we made it back here! But, we lost our jobs for sure. But Catra seems so happy to be done, and so are we… But we’re definitely going to be homeless now.” Scorpia seemed to be bouncing back and forth between the positives and the negatives like a ping-pong match.   
  
Catra stepped back into the hallway, not really wanting to engage in that conversation. Yeah, they had lost their jobs. There was no maybe. They definitely have to give up their apartment in Dryl. If they couldn’t find cheaper accommodations elsewhere, they would all be homeless. Guilt pricked at her stomach as she tugged on her boots. She should answer one of the many calls that Ms.Weaver was probably trying to get through. She’d put her phone on Do Not Disturb when she had been with Adora all night. The phone on, in case they needed it, but no one could otherwise reach them. Anyone that Catra could think would need them were right across the yard in the house. They wouldn’t need to call her.   
  
Catra silently slipped out onto the porch. The cold winter air was a shock after the warm bed with Adora. Catra almost turned around to go back to it. Almost. 

The cold stung her cheeks with the gentle wind coming in off the fields with the setting sun. It wasn’t totally unpleasant like it had been in the middle of the night, with the dying sunlight taking the edge off. Catra took a deep breath, allowing the chilled air to fill her lungs and wake her up a bit.   
  
Catra fished her phone out of the jacket pocket where she had placed it, glancing at the time on the screen but not really registering it. She unlocked it and checked her notifications. She nearly had to sit down, seeing how many missed calls she had.   
  
“Forty-fucking-seven. Christ.” Catra muttered to herself, scrolling through them. All from Weaver. Every single one.   
  
Catra groaned, as if on cue, her phone began to ring in her hand. Anxiety began rising in her chest, making her hands shake. She stamped it back down aggressively and answered the phone.   
  
“Catra.” Came the slow, menacing drawl of Ms.Weaver. It made Catra’s skin crawl.   
  
“Weaver.” Catra responded, keeping her voice cool and even.   
  
“Just what were you thinking? You just ruined everything I ever worked to get for you. There is no coming back from this. Hordak is furious with you, all that money he spent just to get you that opportunity. You. You have ruined my career. Now you’ll never amount to anything. You selfish, insolent-”   
  
Catra took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Look, I don’t care.”   
  
“Excuse me?” Weaver’s voice got dangerously quiet.   
  
Catra swallowed.   
  
“I. Don’t. Care.” Catra spelled it out as slowly as she could. “I’m done, Weaver. I’m sick of you and your games, I’m sick of doing songs none of us care about. I’m sick of being treated like your ticket to the good life. I’m done. We all are. Have a nice life.”   
  
Catra could hear Weaver begin screaming on the other end, but Catra ended the call and turned her phone back off so Weaver couldn't call back. It took a lot not to drop her phone as she deposited it back into her pocket, zipping it shut so she didn’t accidentally lose it. Her hands were shaking.   
  
Instead of going back inside, she stepped forward and rested her elbows on the railing. Leaning on it and taking a moment to look at the yard. It was completely different from last night. Yes, there was still snow absolutely everywhere. Catra just knew that if she fell into one of those snowdrifts, she’d all but completely disappear. Now, however, everything was now painted in blues and violets, highlighted with vivid oranges and yellows. Catra couldn’t shake the thought that she had stepped into the inspiration for an impressionist painting. Birds sang in one of the barren oak trees, fluttering around and knocking minute amounts of snow off the branches. The flakes fell to the ground, catching the light and glittering like the inside of a snow globe.   
  
Catra took a deep breath, taking all of it in. She had made the right choice. Even if she and Adora don’t become anything like she wants, this had been the right decision.   
  
Catra let her eyes wander lazily over the landscape, just taking it all in at her leisure. In the barn, through the crack in the door, she could see Swift Wind mooching affection off of one of the stable hands. She thought she saw them pass him an apple, but it was gone before Catra could really see if she was right. She snorted in amusement. Some things never change. Catra was glad he was feeling better. She couldn’t imagine Adora would have survived another loss like that. Well. She paused, glancing at her hands, which were slowly starting to stop shaking. Adora would survive it, because she was strong, and brave, and had good friends. But it would have been awful. Catra was glad Adora wouldn’t have to face that.   
  
Catra had been completely lost in her thoughts, she almost didn’t hear the patio door swing open and shut behind her. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Adora coming up next to her, leaning on the railing. She had plenty of room to do so, but she still came up right next to Catra. They were almost touching, but not quite.   
  
Adora had brushed her hair at least, and the minty smell that followed her suggested that she’d also brushed her teeth. Catra wished she’d done the same, but she had no toothbrush. It was all back at the stadium she’d left behind yesterday. Her heart sank. Her guitar… Her song book.   
  
Catra pulled her eyes away from Adora and back out at the snowy landscape, letting herself get lost in the colours again.   
  
“I thought you’d left, again.” Adora’s voice was quiet, but calm.   
  
Catra flexed her fingers. “I said I was staying, princess. I meant it.”   
  
Adora is quiet for a few moments, her breath misting in front of her face in golden clouds. Then, “What are you going to do now?”   
  
Catra felt her shoulders slump and she looked up to avoid looking too depressed. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’m ever going to get my stuff back. Weaver is probably burning it as we speak. I don’t have a job, we have to get rid of the apartment. Probably going to … I don’t know. Get real street savvy.”   
  
Adora snorted and Catra glanced at her. “You think we’re going to let you just not have a home? Come on, Catra.”   
  
“I mean, yeah. You guys don’t owe us anything.” Catra fidgeted with her own fingers.   
  
“It’s not a point system, Catra. We all really like you guys. You’re not going to be homeless. We’ll figure it out.”   
  
Catra says nothing, unsure how to express how grateful she felt. Adora seemed to understand and bumped Catra’s shoulder playfully.   
  
“Angella said that we can change one of the barn lofts into a nice living space for you guys. They’re big enough, it can be like. A whole other apartment, like the one back in Dryl but with less smog.”   
  
“When did you find that out?”   
  
“In the kitchen, I overheard Scorpia and Angella talking.”   
  
Catra snorted, “I will definitely not miss Dryl. Like. At all.”   
  
“So I gathered. Etheria really has its hooks in you, huh?” Adora smiled softly, gazing out at her home with a fondness that Catra now understood completely.   
  
Catra took a moment to observe Adora’s profile. She wasn’t sure how she managed to just be so… “Yeah, you could say that.”   
  
Adora looked at her and smiled. Catra smiled back.   
  
Catra felt the words burning on the tip of her tongue again, and she bit the inside of her cheek to keep them quiet.   
  
“I want to learn how to ride a horse.” _What the fuck, Catra?_ She had barely entertained that thought on the plane ride back, and she certainly hadn’t been thinking it just then. It was too late now though, she was facing the cold hard reality of Adora brightening up and looking excited. How could she take it back? The short answer was; she couldn’t.   
  
“Really?” Adora had stood up straight, her hands gripping the railing. Probably to keep from throwing her arms around in that excited way she used to do when she was little. It still made appearances now and then.   
  
Catra smiled nervously and nodded. Adora hopped once with barely contained excitement.   
  
“I thought you hated horses?”   
  
Catra sighs and glances out towards the barn. She couldn’t see Swift Wind anymore, but she knew he was there. “I dunno. I guess they’re not so bad. Also, I’d like to be able to go for proper rides with you.”   
  
“Swift Wind doesn’t mind carrying the both of us, you know.” Adora points out. “Although, he definitely needs some recovery time.”   
  
“Yeah, I’m sure. He’s fucking massive, Adora. But I’d still like to learn. Who knows, maybe that’s my real calling.”   
  
Adora had to shove her fist into her mouth to keep from laughing too hard, and Catra deflated a little. The show of confidence in Catra’s abilities really did wonders for Catra’s struggling self esteem.   
  
“How about tomorrow morning, then? After I’m done my chores and we’re both feeling less like we were hit by a truck?”   
  
She had a point, despite being upright, all of Catra’s… well. Everything hurt. Even her head, now that she's been staring at the bright snow for so long.   
  
“Isn’t Swift Wind still sick?” Catra asked, confused by the proposal of tomorrow.   
  
“Well yeah, but we have a few others. Bow and Glimmer sometimes join me, and occasionally Angella does lessons in the summer. Well, no. I do them. But Angella sets them up.”   
  
Catra groaned to herself, but nodded. “Tomorrow it is, then.”   
  
Adora beamed. “It’s a date.”   
  
Catra rolled her eyes to hide the blush that had crept up onto her face. She pushed off of the railing and opened the door for Adora, who wasn’t wearing a jacket and was starting to look like she had in the barn again. A shivering mess.   
  
Together they stepped back into the house, greeted by the sounds of friendly conversations in the kitchen and the enticing smell of something cooking. The air was full of it. Catra’s stomach growled audibly. Adora turned to raise an eyebrow at Catra, but she just stuck her tongue out. Catra couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten. Of course she was hungry.   
  
Adora rolled her eyes and led the way towards the source of the smell. In the kitchen, Micah was slaving away over the stove, stirring mystery contents in a large pot. Catra stared at it with a fixation that only came with hunger. How had she forgotten to eat for … She strained to think of when she’d eaten. It had been at least two days. At Least.   
  
She opted not to mention that to anyone here, because she knew that as soon as she did she’d be the victim of a lot of loud protests. Especially from Scorpia.   
  
Adora had sat herself at the now familiar wooden table in the dining room, joining Bow and Glimmer as they bickered about some menial pop-culture references and where they came from to begin with. Angella was sitting at the very end of the table, watching her daughter, her adopted daughter, and Bow with an expression of deep affection. Her delicate hands were wrapped around a steaming cup of coffee, or tea, or may hot chocolate. Catra didn’t know. Angella was sipping it quietly, her eyes glancing to whoever was speaking. It reminded her of her own parents, watching Adora and Catra talk endlessly over dinner. Never quite running out of things to say, even if the conversations made no sense.   
  
Scorpia and Entrapta seemed to have been given fresh clothing as well, dressed warmly in sweaters that Catra knew they didn’t own. Scorpia was watching the television, -which was on in the living room just a few feet away- some cheesy holiday movie even though the holidays were long past. 

Entrapta was occupying almost three seats herself, papers scattered about and pencil in hand. Scribbling excitedly.   
Catra glanced over her shoulder to see what she was doing. There were a lot of sketches of engines, machinery parts, diagrams of some of the older farming equipment that Catra had seen around the farm. Catra was no expert, but they looked very detailed and as far as she could tell, accurate. 

  
“Jeeze, Entrapta. Those are actually kind of impressive.” Catra comments, impressed.   
  
“Oh- Thank you!” Entrapta beamed. She looked like she was about to say more, but something on her current sketch caught her attention and she was pulled back into her work.   
  
Catra was a little grateful, her headache hadn’t really subsided and she wasn’t sure she could endure another long presentation on hydraulics or chemical reactions or whatever it was that Entrapta was thinking about right now.   
  
Catra glanced at Adora, who had her chin resting in her hand. Watching Catra. She had a small, lopsided smile that made Catra’s heart thump almost painfully. Adora looked away when Catra saw, though.   
  
Catra crossed around the table and sat in the last free seat, next to Adora. Something she was secretly happy about. Catra was very aware of everyone glancing at her as she pulled out her chair and sat. Particularly Bow and Glimmer, who were smirking in unison.   
  
“What’s the matter?” Adora asked, confused by their expressions.   
  
“Oh, nothing. Right Catra?” Glimmer’s almost sing-song tone made Catra want to crawl under a rock and never come out.   
  
Catra just glared at her from across the table. Glimmer did nothing to hide her snicker, but she did let it go. Returning to her conversation with Bow.   
  
Adora was left looking lost, glancing at Catra for clarification.   
  
Catra waved her off, “Don’t worry about it.”   
  
Adora didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t press more. Relieved, Catra glanced back over at Micah by the stove. Hoping he was almost done, and being rewarded when she saw that he was turning off the flame and pulling several bowls out of the cupboards.   
  
The rest of the evening was pleasant, and warm. Catra was happy to be back on the farm, surrounded by pretty much everyone she cared about, in a place that she actually liked. Next to the girl who she grew up with, and fell in love with. Not that Adora knew that, yet. But it still felt nice in the moment. Catra took her time eating the stew that Micah had prepared for them, revelling in the taste of good home cooked food. She’d fallen back into the habit of fast food and frozen meals the past months, when she did eat. Yeah they were making more money, but they didn’t have time to cook or go out to nicer restaurants. Or do anything except work themselves to the bone, thanks to Weaver.   
  
Adora and Catra had both only been awake for a few hours by the time dinner was done, but it was evident to everyone around them that they were both ready to go back to bed. They both kept zoning out and stifling yawns.   
  
Micah insisted that they both just go up to bed instead of helping to clean up.   
  
“You both had a really long night, you just go rest up.” He kept repeating the sentiment as she shooed them both out of the kitchen, Adora protesting all the way. Micah had none of that.   
  
So, Adora and Catra stood once again outside the door of Adora’s bedroom. Looking in, but standing still. Catra’s unspoken confession hung in the air around her like a thick blanket.   
  
Adora seemed to be thousands of miles away, lost in thought.   
  
Finally, just when the silence was becoming biting,   
  
“Do you… I mean. Are you going to sleep in the guest bedroom again, or… ?”   
  
“I can if you want me to.” Catra says hesitantly, watching Adora carefully.   
  
“You don’t have to, I mean. If you wanted, you could…” Adora gestured weakly towards her bed.   
  
“Adora.” Catra sighs, wishing she'd just be straight forward. Then realized that thought made her a hypocrite. “Do you want me to sleep with you again?”   
  
Adora sheepishly kicked the floor, not meeting her gaze. “You don’t have to. But. Yeah.”   
  
Catra rolled her eyes, fighting back a smile. She hadn’t wanted to sleep in the guest bed, anyways. She was glad that Adora seemed to feel the same way about that.   
  
Catra gestured into the bedroom and followed Adora in, not needing to get changed because she hadn’t gotten dressed to begin with, and crawled right into the bed without any hesitation. They fell asleep quickly, backs towards each other. Close enough to feel each other’s warmth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you may notice that i updated the finishing chapter count. We're almost to the end :) don't worry though, it's still getting gayer


	24. Chapter 24

* * *

_"I could bring you to your knees and_   
_Get you kicked out the Garden of Eden_   
_Untamable, unframeable, Mona Lisa, oh_   
_Kiss you like a whiskey fire_   
_Turn around, leave your heart in a riot"_

* * *

Adora was staring at Catra. She could feel it, even with her eyes closed.    
  
Catra had woken up to the gentle prickling sensation on the back of her neck that happened when she knew she was being watched. She could feel Adora’s warmth in the bed next to her, knew it was early morning by the birdsong outside, but she didn’t open her eyes. Knowing that if she did in that moment, she’d have to stare back. Catra was trusting herself less and less to keep those pesky words to herself. Of course, she was going to say them. She had to. Needed to. But not right now.    
  
So Catra kept her eyes shut, pretending to still be asleep while Adora stared at her. Catra had to fight to keep her breathing low and even. With her heart hammering in her chest, it was impossible to actually fall back asleep. By some god given miracle, she managed to pull the wool over Adora’s eyes.    
  
After what had felt like forever, Adora’s quiet alarm went off, and she felt the warmth of Adora move away from her. Catra listened carefully as Adora shuffled around in her room, getting dressed, and the quiet open and shut of the door. She was gone.   
  
Catra opened her eyes and sat up. What was that about? Catra rubbed the back of her neck and sighed. Adora would be busy with her chores for a few hours, so Catra could probably go back to sleep if she wanted to. But surprisingly, she wasn’t tired. She actually felt kind of rested for once. It was nice, and she was glad for it because she knew she had basically signed her death warrant when she asked to learn how to ride a horse.    
  
Catra groaned and buried her face in her hands. Why had she said that? She’d been about to confess her feelings, that’s why. She said the first thing that came to mind that wasn’t … that. Too late now, Adora was excited to introduce Catra to the wonderful world of horses. Again.   
  
Catra spent some time catching up on her phone. There were a lot of texts and missed calls from people she barely knew asking what the hell happened. Catra answered none of them, because she was done. Actually, she blocked most of the numbers and deleted a lot of contacts. She saw that Weaver had called her several more times. She listened to her messages only to make sure she wasn’t going to get sued or something, and when she figured she wouldn’t, she blocked Weaver’s number too. Catra tossed her phone onto the bed, intending to leave it there for a while.    
  
When Catra had gotten showered, dressed, and brushed her teeth with a toothbrush given to her by Glimmer, Catra headed down into the kitchen to see about feeding herself before she was subjected to her next near death experience. This time Bow was not down in the kitchen, she was alone. This only made her feel more awkward as she snooped around for the boxes of cereal that usually made an appearance in the morning.    
  
Catra stood by the window that overlooked the horse barn, taking her time with her cereal. From here, she could see Adora hauling hay bales from inside the barn and out into the pasture like it was nothing. Did she not have a wheel barrow, or something? Catra snorted at the memory of trying to lift one herself. Those things were not exactly light. Catra knew that the hay was usually one of the last things Adora did with her stable chores, and hurried to finish the last of her cereal. Rinsing her bowl and setting it on the drying rack. Catra glanced back out the window, and saw that Adora was trudging her way back through the snow towards the house.    
  
Catra sighed and headed to the door to shrug on her coat and boots. May as well get this over with. Despite herself though, and she’d never ever admit it, she was a little excited. She remembered the feeling of riding Swift Wind, and definitely wanted to do it again some time.    
  


Catra was just shutting the door behind her when she heard Adora’s cheery voice greeting her.    
  
“Catra! You’re up!” 

_ Yeah, because you stared at me so hard I woke up. _ Catra thought to herself, but she smiled anyways. 

“Hey, Adora.” Catra greeted back, stepping off the porch to meet Adora. To her complete surprise, Adora walked straight into Catra and threw her arms around her neck in an embrace. Catra hadn’t been walked into that hard, but she still felt the breath get knocked out of her.    
  
Adora stepped back after a second, still beaming. She certainly was in a better mood today than she was in the day before. Her energy made Catra feel a little lighter, too.    
  


“So,” Catra starts, nodding her head towards the stable. “Gonna teach me how to ride now?”    
  
Adora nodded and waved Catra along, turning to walk back through the path she’d made in the snow on her first journey out there earlier this morning. Catra followed closely behind, relieved that a worn path was beginning to form instead of having to push through knee-deep snow herself again. Catra watched Adora from behind. She seemed a little off. A little jittery. Nervous? What would Adora have to be nervous about? Catra decided that she must be imagining it. Projecting her own nerves onto Adora.    
  
Adora pushed the stable door back open and they both stepped inside. The door shut behind them. Inside the barn was still just as cold as outside.    
  
“Don’t the animals get cold?” Catra asked, rubbing her arms to ward off the chill.    
  
“Nah, not really. They get blankets, and they grow winter coats. Plus, on the really cold nights we turn on the heaters. They don’t run hot, but they keep it above freezing.” Adora explained as she meandered slowly down the aisle. Glancing inside each stall, even though Catra was pretty sure that her checks had already been done.    
  
Catra only realized that Adora was trying to decide who she was going to use when she paused in front of the second last stall before the other exit door. Muttering to herself under her breath and glancing at Catra like she was thinking. Adora pulled open the door and stepped inside. Catra waited patiently in the centre of the aisle for Adora to return.    
  
She did, just a moment later, with a rather plain looking bay. It had no markings at all, and was significantly smaller than Swift Wind, for which she was very relieved.   
  
“This is Harley,” Adora explained, tying the horse to the iron loop outside the stall. “He’s very gentle, I’ve never had an issue with him.”    
  
“Oh, uh. Hi.” Catra greets the horse awkwardly, holding out her hand for Harley to sniff. He perks his ears. Catra decides she likes Harley.    
  
“Alright, so now what?” Catra asks, tentatively stroking his neck.    
  
Adora is looking at Catra with that starry eyed, soft smiled expression. Catra swallowed. Adora took a breath and looked around, humming to herself. “Well, before you put a saddle on him, you should probably give him a brush. Knock some of the dust out of his fur, make him pretty.”    
  
Adora disappeared into what Catra knew now was the tack room, and appeared with a small box of assorted brushes.    
  
“Okay…” Catra started to reach into the box, but Adora stopped her.    
  
“There’s an order to this.” She explained, and laughed at Catra’s befuddlement.    
  
Adora took some time to explain to Catra about the curry brush, the hard brush, and the soft brush. And the hoof pick. That one Catra really wasn’t sure about, seeing as she had to pick up all of his feet and put her face directly in kicking range. Adora had gently shown her how to stand so that didn’t happen. It helped a little, knowing Adora was right there. But she was still relieved when she’d finished the last one. Tossing the pick back into the box with the rest of his grooming supplies.    
  
Catra observed her now dirty hands and scowled a little. Shed expected to get a little dirty, but she wasn’t sure how happy she was about it right this moment. It was cold, washing her hands would be cold.    
  
Adora had disappeared again, but Catra knew she had only stepped back into the tack room. Catra waited patiently, scratching Harley’s chin. He looked like he was falling asleep, his bottom lip drooping. Catra shook her head, “Must be nice, being able to sleep standing up.”    
  
“You’re telling me,” Adora had returned, a saddle in her arms. Catra recognized this kind, it was the kind that cowboys used in the movies. With the great big horn in the front.    
  
Adora walked up next to the horse and effortlessly swung the saddle up and began to do up the many straps, telling Catra what they were and how to do it right as they went. A few times, Adora took Catra’s hand and placed it under the straps so she could feel how tight to make it. It made it hard to focus, because Adora’s hands were warm despite the cold. And it was Adora.    
  
When they’d finished with that, Adora held up the bridle. Repeating the same process of showing and making Catra feel how to put it on. She wasn’t particularly thrilled about sticking her thumb in Harley's mouth to get him to open up, but she supposed it was an evil necessity.    
  
Adora stepped back to admire their work while Catra rubbed the horse spit onto her jeans. They needed to be washed anyways, after spending a night in the barn. They smelled like horses.    
  
Adora handed Catra the reins, they were cold and surprisingly heavy in her hand. The leather rough and cold in her palms.    
  
“Hey, how come you don’t put this stuff on Swift Wind?” Catra asks, following Adora back outside. Harley lazily walked after them.    
  
“He hates it. Bucks, Bites. he’ll throw a big drama fit.” Adora shrugs.    
  
Catra winces, making sure to commit that to memory so she doesn’t ever try to do that. “Can’t you just. Train it out of him?”    
  
Adora ponders this for a moment, then shakes her head. “He doesn’t do well with confinement. If he doesn’t like wearing a saddle, then I won’t make him wear one. Plus, I really enjoy not having to try and push a saddle onto him. You’ve seen how tall he is.”    
  
Catra laughs and nods. She has seen how tall he is.    
  
“And I like feeling the horse under me,” Adora continues, leading them around the barn and to a small, round, fenced in ring that Catra hadn’t noticed before. Adora pulled the gate open and Catra led Harley inside. “Yeah, I fall off more. But that’s the risk you take for something you love.”    
  
Catra glanced at Adora, who was watching Catra from the now closed gate. Did she mean something else? Catra was thrown away from that thought when Harley nipped playfully at Catra’s jacket hoodie.   
  
She scoffs and pushes his head away. “Now what, Princess?”    
  
Adora comes up to Catra’s side and gestures to the saddle. “Now you get on.”   
  
Catra winced, and looked at Harley. He still wasn’t a big horse, but now that she definitely had to climb up, he’d suddenly grown a few feet.    
  
“It’ll be fine, Catra. I’m right here if anything happens.” Adora gently touches Catra’s back and pushes her closer to the saddle.    
  
Catra grumbled, and Adora gave her a quick tutorial on how to get up herself. Catra did it after the second try. The first try resulted in her ass in the snow. Adora almost wouldn't stop laughing at her.    
  
Adora came up to her and held Harley in place while Catra struggled to get her other foot in the stirrup. It was surprisingly hard, she kept accidentally kicking it away.    
  
When she’d sat up straight again, Adora passed her the reins. Reaching up and gripping Catra’s hands. Catra felt her breath catch in her throat, staring down at how Adora’s fingers sat over hers. Adora was silent for a moment, watching their hands too. Then cleared her throat.    
  
“Okay, so make sure you’re holding the reins like- yeah like that.” She nods in approval, removing her hands. “Keep them firm, but not tight. Don’t drop them.”   
  
“Okay.” Catra murmured nervously,    
  
Adora smiled encouragingly up at Catra, who swallowed nervously in response. “Sit up straight. Good. Now just… give a little nudge with your heels. Only a little one. Click your tongue once.”    
  
Catra did as she said, and Harley took a few steps to the outer ring and began making slow laps. This wasn’t so bad, his strides weren’t as quick or energetic as Swift Wind’s and she definitely felt better with the saddle. Less like she was going to just slide right off.    
  
Adora gave her a few simple instructions while her and Harley made their way around the ring. At first it was pretty nerve wracking, but it got boring fast. It wasn’t exactly hard to just sit on a horse while he walked in circles.    
  
Adora instructed her how to stop, and after a few tries she got it. Adora walked up to her side and gently grasped Harley’s reins so he couldn’t go anywhere while Adora was speaking with Catra. “Okay, so. Do you want to try going a bit faster?”    
  
Catra looked down at where Adora’s hand was on her reins and idly wished they were touching her hands again instead.    
  
“Why not?” Catra said without thinking. Adora smiled at her.    
  
“Alright so, to ask him to trot you just have to use your leg and push into his side like-” Adora paused, and placed her hand on Catra’s calf. Her hand was so warm. Adora gently but firmly pushed, and Harley tried to move forward in response. Catra wished Adora didn’t step away, but she had. Moving back into the center of the ring and gesturing for Catra to do what she was told.    
  
They went on like this for the better part of an hour. Adora slowly shows Catra the basics, and Catra doing what she was asked without too much of an issue. By the time the hour had passed, Catra was feeling all kinds of sore. Not what she expected, riding. She definitely had to do more than just sit on Harley’s back and nudge his sides.    
  
Catra groaned as Harley came to a stop near the gait. His breaths coming out in great big billowing clouds of white. Catra understood the sentiment, she was a little out of breath too.    
  
Adora came back up to Catra and placed her hand back against Catra’s leg, this time though Catra couldn’t fathom why. Adora’s cheeks were just a little pink from the cold, but she seemed happy to be here.    
  
“You wanna ride him back through the barn? That way you’re not the one trudging through the snow.” Adora says, unlatching the gait with her free hand.    
  
Catra glanced out at the large snow drifts they’d come through on their way out, and nods. “Yeah, actually.”    
  


Adora nods and pulls the gait open.    
  
Now here’s where things started to go terribly wrong. Adora’s hand was still on Catra’s leg, which made Catra feel tense. Adora had been very careful in explaining that the horse beneath her can feel her getting tense, and feed off that anxiety or mistake it for a cue to move. 

And move, he did.   
  
The second the gait was open, Harvey leapt forward. Catra screamed in her surprise, pretty sure her heart had just made a new home for itself in her throat. Harley wasn’t as fast as Swift Wind, but he was still fucking fast. Catra gripped the saddle horn for dear life, but the leaping motions that Harley had to make to get over the snow was making it hard to hold on. Catra isn’t sure what to do.    
  
Catra could hear Adora screaming her name and instructions, but Catra’s blood is either roaring in her ears, or she’s too far away to hear. Either way, Catra just tried to hold on tight and hope she wasn’t about to meet her maker.    
  
Catra did not see the log. Harley saw the log but Catra did not. Harley leapt over the log. Catra was not prepared for him to jump. Catra went flying off his back and landed in a snow drift with an explosion of powder and a soft  _ pshhh _ noise. 

Catra groaned when she came back down from her panic a few moments later. Harley was gone, but she was sure he’d come back. She laid on her back, almost completely buried in snow. It had fallen under her collar and was melting against her skin in unpleasantly cold rivulets, but Catra couldn’t bring herself to move. She could hear Adora’s muffled voice getting closer, calling her name. Catra just watched the sky. A clear blue. Different from the summer sky she had grown to love out here. It wasn’t the blue of Adora’s eyes, but Catra kind of thought it matched her own blue eye. It was a nice blue.    
  
Did she break anything? Nothing felt broken. There was a dull ache on her elbow from where she probably hit it against some ice or a hidden rock. But it’s nothing a little over the counter painkillers wouldn’t solve. Other than that and her achy muscles from riding, she felt fine. She’d even calmed back down, content to just stare at the sky for a moment.   
  
Adora skidded up next to her, landing hard on her knees and sending more snow flying in her urgency. “Catra!” She gasped, staring down at her.    
  
Adora’s eyes were practically saucers. Wide with panic. Catra blinked up at her and grunted, “I’m okay.”    
  
Relief flooded Adora’s features and she flopped down onto the snow with Catra. Close enough that their shoulders were touching. The snow rose around them, their bodies creating a tiny pit in the powder.    
  
“Oh my god, Catra. I can’t believe he did that. Harley is usually so good, he’s never-”    
  
“Relax, Adora. It was probably me. I got. Nervous. Tensed up.” Catra waved her off, taking a deep breath.    
  
“Oh. I thought you were getting used to being on him.” Adora sounded a little more relieved, but only a little.    
  
“I am, kinda. Anyways. As much as an hour can do for me.”    
  
Adora hummed, but didn’t say anything to that. “I watched him run right back into the barn, he probably just went right to his stall to eat.”    
  
“Good for him.” Catra murmured.    
  
Silence.    
  
“Hey, so. I had uhm. A question for you.” Adora sounds suddenly nervous.   
  
Catra felt nerves prickle at her stomach, but she nodded. “Shoot.”    
  
Adora took a shaky breath. “You said that you came back because you… realized that... touring wasn’t what you wanted?”    
  
_ Uh oh _ .    
  
“Uhm, well the whole fame thing was bad. None of us were happy. But yeah.”    
  
“You … I asked what it was you wanted, and you avoided the question.”   
  
“Your horse was dying, I thought it would be weird to talk about just then.”    
  
“Yeah, I mean I guess. But you still could have answered.” She sounded nervous, “I just… You said you’d tell me later.”    
  
Catra winced internally, fighting to keep her voice even when she replied, “I did, yeah.”    
  
She heard Adora take a deep breath, her voice wavered slightly. “So… What is it that you want? Why did you come back?”    
  
Catra took a moment to ponder what she was going to say. Her heart pumped heavily in her chest, she almost felt like she needed to throw up the bundle of nerves that had nestled their way into her gut.    
  
“I guess… I wanted... Out of the city. I wanted to sing for people I care about, with songs I care about. Wanted to get away from Weaver. From the crowds. From the pressure.”    
  
“Oh.” Adora sounded disappointed.    
  
“And,” Catra continued and she could feel Adora perk up beside her. “I wanted to be out here. I haven’t been here long but it's just… I don’t know, it’s the most like home that anywhere has felt since… before.”    
  
“Is that all?” Adora was back to sounding disappointed.    
  
“No.” Catra replied shakily.    
  
She heard Adora shuffling around. Her face came into view above her. She had propped herself up on her elbow to watch Catra’s expression.    
  
Adora’s expression was strange. She looked worried, and hopeful. Something unspoken was clearly waiting, but Adora stayed silent. Watching Catra and waiting for Catra to spill the metaphorical beans.    
  
“Uhm.” Catra swallowed, looking away from Adora’s startlingly blue eyes and up at the sky again. There was nothing to focus on up there, but at least it took some of the pressure off of her.    
  
“What do you want, Catra?” Her voice is so soft, it’s almost a whisper.    
  
Catra’s heart pounds an erratic rhythm in her chest.    
  
“I wanted to- I wanted to come back to you.” Catra takes a shaky breath.

“Because you missed me.” Adora’s expression was troubled, she sighed so quietly that Catra almost didn’t notice. 

“Because I’m in love with you.”   
  
She said it, she felt a rush of both relief and anxiety at the same time and she almost had to sit up to catch her breath. The words that had been fighting to be known were free. She can barely hear anything over the pounding of her heart.    
  
Adora didn't move, she just stared at Catra with an unreadable expression. She actually seemed kind of frozen.

  
“I think that I’ve actually been in love with you for a long time. I just. Didn’t know.” Catra adds on, desperate to fill the silence. For all she knew, she was just digging her grave deeper.    
  
She heard Adora take a quiet breath. The snow surrounding them only amplified the sound. 

Catra’s heart thundered. 

Adora was so close, their breaths misted and mixed together in clouds around their faces. Catra began counting the fading summer freckles on the bridge of Adora’s nose. Just to try and distract herself from the heat of her breath. 

“You love me.” It was a statement, looking for confirmation. 

“I love you.” Catra nodded, swallowing hard. 

Catra felt the melting snow slip down her back, and realized that Adora hadn’t gotten closer to Catra. Catra had sat up on her elbows, and gotten closer to Adora. 

Adora’s eyes flicked downwards for just a moment. 

“Are you going to say anything, or…?” Catra asked, her voice low. 

Adora looked away, her mouth pressing into a line, her eyebrows furrowing. Catra felt her heart drop. There it is, the rejection she’d been waiting for. Catra took a breath and started to get up, making it into a full sitting position, staring out over the snow. Trying not to look too disappointed, and trying hard not to feel the crushing ache growing in her chest. 

“I love you too.” 

Catra whirled around to face Adora, who had sat up with her. Shoulder to shoulder. Catra wasn’t sure she’d heard it right. Adora loved her back? Her Adora? Perfect, sweet, dopey Adora, loved Catra. 

She fumbled for something to say, anything at all. Adora was watching, her eyes full of hope and worry. Was she worried that Catra was going to change her mind? How could Catra ever change her mind about this? 

Snow had gotten caught up in Adora’s hair and had begun to melt from her body heat. The droplets caught the sunlight, glittering and making Adora seem ethereal. Catra’s breath kept catching in her throat. 

_ I want to kiss you.  _ “You’re such an idiot.” Catra smirked, she couldn’t help it.

Adora’s worry seemed to melt away, like the snow in her hair. She laughed and nodded. “Yeah, I am.” 

  
Catra let go of the breath she had been holding and flopped backwards into the snow. Letting the coldness of it relax her tense muscles. Adora didn’t lie down so much as lean back in her elbow again, still watching Catra. The starry eyed expression. Catra could begin to guess what it was now.    
  
They both stayed quiet, lost in silent reverie. Staring back at each other and coming to terms with what they’d just learned. Without meaning to, Catra had gotten back onto her elbow to be closer to Adora. Adora’s eyes seemed to be flicking between Catra’s eyes, unsure of what one to look into. Catra glanced at Adora’s lips, they looked soft.    
  
Adora hesitated, just for a moment, but she closed the distance between them. Adora was warm, and she smelled like hay and lavender, and horses. Her kiss was soft, sweet. She tasted vaguely of mint toothpaste. The weight of Catra’s feelings crashed down on her and she leaned into Adora. She felt Adora’s free hand on the side of her face, cold from the snow but gentle.    
  
Adora pulled away, but not far. She had her eyes closed, resting her forehead against Catra’s. She kept her hand against Catra’s cheek. Catra took the opportunity to collect herself, because she was unravelling under Adora’s touch.    
  
Adora took a deep breath and opened her eyes, they were shimmering with tears.    
  
“Oh, don’t cry Adora. I know I’m amazing but-”    
  
Adora scoffed, and smiled, kissing Catra again quickly. It shut Catra up right away.    
  
“No, I just. I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.”    
  
Catra rolled her eyes and planted another soft kiss on the edge of Adora’s mouth. Earning her another smile. Their breath mixed into the air around them.    
  
“Yeah, hey so I’ve been meaning to ask. Is that my shirt that’s hidden under your pillow?”    
  
Adora pulled back to stare at her, wide eyed. “You saw that?”    
  
Catra nodded solemnly, her smirk returning. “I did. Miss me that much, did you?”    
  
Adora started to groan, but it turned into a laugh. She playfully shoved Catra’s shoulder. “Shut up.”    
  
Catra laughed at her and began to get to her feet. “Come on, let’s go put Harley away and warm up.”    
  
Adora sighed and got to her feet, dusting snow off of herself. She glanced at Catra, her face pinking a little more. She clasped and unclasped her fingers, then held out her hand for Catra.    
  
She took it. Enjoying the feel of Adora’s hand in hers. It didn’t have a definition yet, but Catra had the comforting feeling that this was only the beginning of something she never dreamed she could have. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeey I'm just gonna drop this here: 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0yOYJ4vYL7PZ9uJP6EL2Jc?si=I_0igeBIR02kEb-iy-9RVw
> 
> This is the playlist I used (mostly) while writing this fic :) Figured I'd share 
> 
> thanks again for all the amazing support for this fic <3


	25. Epilogue

* * *

_"I knew I loved you then_   
_But you'd never know_   
_'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go_   
_I know I needed you_   
_But I never showed_   
_But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old_   
_Just say you won't let go"_

* * *

The hot summer sun beat down between the branches of the oak trees, the shade bringing only minimal relief to the dry, end of summer heat. Adora stood watching as her friends set up once more for the annual summer party that Angella threw. Adora couldn’t believe how much had happened since the one they’d thrown last year. She glanced down at the water bottle in her hands and smiled, picking at the paper wrapper.    
  
Life had settled into a wonderful routine after Adora and Catra’s afternoon confession out in the snow.    
  
When they’d gotten back inside to warm up, holding hands and giggling like love struck teenagers, everyone in the kitchen had whooped and hollered. Adora was taken completely by surprise, because she hadn’t been aware that anyone but Glimmer and Bow knew how she felt about Catra. Catra, on the other hand, had groaned and rolled her eyes so hard that Adora was worried she’d hurt herself.    
  
As it turned out, Scorpia, Entrapta, Bow, and Glimmer had all been conspiring together since the night of the bar, when she had been dragged along to probably get coerced into singing karaoke. They hadn’t known that Catra would be so resentful, but they had wanted to make them reconnect. Bow had even broken Scorpia’s car on purpose to make them stay longer. Adora hadn’t known what to say. Adora hadn’t even realized her feelings until the day that Catra had stormed off and disappeared for four months to go chase a career she wasn’t even passionate about.    
  
Catra had nodded along, like she already knew all of this. She’d later explained that Scorpia had confessed about all their devious doings on their way back from the concert they’d all simultaneously ditched.    
  
She couldn’t believe that her friends had set her up like that. But at the same time she couldn’t bring herself to be mad because Catra’s fingers were still laced between hers, and was looking at her with an adoring expression that made warmth bloom in Adora’s chest. If they had conspired this, then she probably owed them.    
  
Adora looked up from her water and back out at the temporary stage set-up. Scorpia was busy pulling speakers up onto it and placing them strategically around for Entrapta to hook up. Scorpia had moved in with Perfuma about a month ago, moving out of the cramped loft and into a homely little cottage not far from Bright Moon. Nestled in a small patch of trees and surrounded by gardens. Adora loved to visit them on her off days, Catra often in tow. Sidling up on Swift Wind together to chat and make sure everything was getting settled okay. Scorpia seemed really happy out there with Perfuma. She’d even started going back to school to be a guide for hikes through the wilder parts of Etheria. Adora could see it, Scorpia leading little groups of scouts or families through the woods and up distant mountain trails, teaching them all about the life filled world around them.    
They’d often stop and chat for an hour, drop off anything that they needed, and return with a basket full of produce from Perfuma’s gardens.    
  
Adora took a deep breath of the warm, sweet smelling afternoon air. Entrapta was excitedly digging through a pile of wires behind the stage, untangling them and hooking them up in their appropriate places. Emily was trotting along behind her. Adora thought the goat was being less than useful, just getting in Entrapta’s way. But Entrapta didn’t seem to care, she happily babbled her process and theories on how to improve the system to the goat; who had endless patience for Entrapta’s ramblings. Adora was even pretty sure that Entrapta had actually trained Emily to fetch certain tools, because the goat often ventured off to the toolbox that Micah had given Entrapta and returned with a myriad of different items. Always seeming to be the exact one that Entrapta needed.    
  
Micah had spread the word that Entrapta was extremely proficient with machinery, and soon enough the entire county was coming to her to fix their old equipment that nowhere sold the parts to anymore. It had taken less than two months for Entrapta to have the start of her own business, set up in one of the empty barns on the edges of Bright Moon’s inner properties. Entrapta seemed happier than Adora had ever seen her, always tinkering away in an engine or making repairs and improvements to whatever machine came her way. It was sweet that Micah had done that for her.    
  
Adora turned to go back into the farmhouse to begin getting ready for the guests, since they were almost done setting up outside. She quietly made her way up the stairs to her room. The house was the same as it had always been, but these last several months Adora had felt more at home than ever before. In Glimmer’s bedroom, she could hear her talking to Bow about what they were going to wear. Adora smiled, shaking her head at them. They always wore matching outfits to these sorts of things. Catra thought it was ridiculous, or at least that’s what she voiced out loud. Adora didn’t believe that Catra actually thought her best friends were idiots. She often saw them getting along great. She’d even seen Catra and Glimmer having an occasional heart to heart. It was weird, seeing Catra open up like that to someone who wasn’t Adora. Weird, but good. She was glad that Catra was learning to open her heart a bit more.    
  
Adora stepped into her bedroom and closed the door behind her, pulling the dress that had been hanging off the inside of it. She laid it out carefully on her bed, and stepped away to tug off her regular day clothes. Her muscles were a little sore from doing barn chores on top of all the set up, but she felt like it was worth it. Last year she had been late because she had to pick up Razz, but this year Angella said she would get her so that Adora could enjoy the party with her friends.    
  
Adora had initially been worried that the amount of people living on the farm seemed to just keep growing, but Angella and Micah seemed happy enough to have more people around. They’d both said that Adora had seemed a lot happier since Catra moved in, as well. It was true, she was happier.    
  
Adora slipped into her dress and moved in front of the mirror that hung off the back of her door to adjust. She’d picked out a simple white dress this year. Light and flowing. Not so long that she would trip on it, like she often did in dresses. The thin golden chain around her waist glinted in the light, matching her charm bracelet. She smiled and spun around, entertained to watch the fabric swirl around her legs. She reached up into her hair to pull the string she had tied it up in out, and let it all fall around her shoulders. She ran her fingers through it to pull out tangles and played with it until she was satisfied. She was never really one for vanity, but she did at least want to look nice.    
  
She spun around once more, just for fun, and then opened the door to head back outside. On her way down, she glanced out one of the many windows. People were starting to arrive now, and the scent of barbecue food cooking from the caterer’s set ups blew in through the window. Her stomach rolled to point hungrily in their direction, but she resisted. Adora had promised she would eat with Catra later, and she intended to keep to her promise.    
  
Adora stepped outside onto the warm grass and made her way back out across the lawn, where her friends were all standing together chatting. Everyone except Catra, who Adora expected was off somewhere just getting a moment alone before she spent the evening swamped by all her small town fans.    
  
“Adora!” Glimmer greeted, waving her over.    
  
Adora stepped into the half formed circle and smiled at everyone. Scorpia stood in a rather impressive red and black dress, a flower tucked behind her ear. On her arm was Perfuma, dressed in a complimentary pink and looking as pleasant as she ever did. She waved at Adora, and Adora smiled back.    
Next to them, Entrapta wore the same thing she always wore. Though, she supposed her overalls did have less grease stains on them than they usually did, and her face was free of dirt as well. She was typing away into her phone, tongue sticking out and completely oblivious to everyone else. Adora assumed she’d had another idea for a new experiment, but she didn’t really want to ask. Almost as soon as Adora had fully joined the circle, Entrapta gasped and turned and raced off towards her garage. Emily tottering along right beside her. Adora laughed and shook her head.    
  
Bow and Glimmer stood arm in arm, Glimmer leaning up against Bow’s side. They were looking at Adora with wide smiles. Adora was struck with sudden fondness for her best friends. She had no doubt in the world that these people would always have her back. Adora would do her best to always have theirs as well.    
  
“Having fun yet?” Adora asked, glancing around at the slowly growing crowd around them.    
  
“Almost, we’re waiting on the music, and the food.” Bow was watching the caterer’s cook longingly from over the band stand. Adora’s stomach rumbled in sympathy.    
  
“Yeah, actually, have you seen Catra around?”    
  
“Uh, I think I actually saw her in the stable not too long ago.” Glimmer suggests helpfully. “But she wouldn’t say why she was in there.”    
  
Adora nods, and begins to step away. “Thanks, I’ll be back later then.”    
  
She left Bow and Glimmer and began to weave her way through the crowd. Thankfully, the barn wasn’t that far away and she managed to avoid any lengthy hellos from long time friends and neighbours. There would be time for that later.    
  
Adora stepped into the open stable and glanced around. The familiarity of the stable alone made Adora feel less out of place than she did in a crowd of people. The horses helped.    
  
She spotted Catra, standing outside of Swift Wind’s stall. She leaned up against the door, half obscured by Swift Wind who had his head out to look down the aisle. She could see Catra’s arm coming out from under him, stroking his neck slowly.    
  
Catra had come a long way with her fear of horses. Adora wouldn’t say that she loved them yet, couldn’t say that Catra ever really would love them. But she wasn’t afraid anymore, and didn’t seem to mind being near them. She had even continued with her lessons, and could ride around the farm now with Adora with very minimal help. Catra had even taken a very specific liking to Swift Wind though, which made Adora’s heart soar every time she thought about it.    
  
Adora made her way over quietly and leaned up against the stall door next to Catra, looking into the stall with her.    
  
“Hey, Adora.” Catra smiled, turning to look at her.    
  
Catra’s hair had grown out a fair bit, it now hung in her eyes. It was in the awkward stages between short and long. Others might think it looked awkward and scruffy, but Adora thought it was cute. She loved running her fingers through it at night while they were chatting or trying to fall asleep.    
Catra’s eyes drifted downwards over Adora, taking in the dress.    
  
“Wow, you look uh,” Catra cleared her throat and turned to face Adora completely, her shoulder against the door. “You look amazing.”    
  
Adora smiled, and leaned in to kiss Catra softly. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”    
  
Catra had lost the suit she’d worn last year during all the Shadow Weaver drama, -they’d come up with the new nickname late one night while Catra was venting about her- much to Adora’s disappointment. Catra had looked really good in that suit. They  _ had _ managed to get back Catra’s guitar and song book; though it had really taken some doing. Angella had been on the phone for hours with several different people unleashing her less than pleasant side. The battle had been won though. Catra could have her beloved guitar and book back, but that was all. 

Today Catra had just opted to steal one of Adora’s nicer plaid shirts, tucked onto her black jeans which were of course, ripped. Adora didn’t understand the attraction to ripped jeans but they weren’t hurting anyone and she had to admit, Catra could probably pull anything off if she tried.    
  
Catra shrugged, trying to be nonchalant but the smile on her lips betrayed her. Adora kissed her again because she couldn’t help it.    
  
“What are you doing in here? People are waiting for you.” Adora asked, fiddling with the collar of Catra’s -Adora’s- shirt. She liked it when Catra stole her clothes. It made them smell like Catra. Cedar and wood smoke.    
  


“I dunno, I just wanted a moment of quiet, I guess.” She sighed, glancing back at Swift Wind. “Glimmer’s aunt came to find me a little while ago.”    
  
Adora raised an eyebrow, “Oh? What did she want?”    
  
Catra gently ran her thumb over Adora’s arm. It made her skin tingle pleasantly. “She asked if I would be willing to perform once a week at her bar. I can do whatever I want to, as long as it’s family friendly. Said she’d pay me like… a crazy nice amount for it.”   
  
Adora hesitated, torn between ecstatic for her girlfriend and worried because Catra had a history of not loving fame as much as she’d thought.    
  
“And what did you say?”    
  
“I said yes.” Catra smiled, glancing up into Adora’s eyes and then away again. “I like singing for the people here. And I get to call the shots.”   
  
Adora allowed herself to buzz with excitement. “That’s so great, then!”    
  
Catra’s smile widened and she nodded. “Yeah.”   
  
They stood in silence for a little while, watching Swift Wind doze in his stall. He’d been locked up for apple related crimes today, so he wouldn’t cause any trouble with the guests. Much to his own displeasure.    
  
Adora allowed herself to relax into Catra’s company. Even in the heat, they stood shoulder to shoulder. A comfortable silence bred of years of built up familiarity.    
  
They’d been silent together for several minutes when she felt Catra tensing up beside her, something she often did when she had something on her mind but wasn’t sure how to say it. Adora waited patiently, there was never any rushing Catra to do anything. It only ever seemed to make things worse.    
  
Eventually, she spoke.    
  
“Adora.” Catra started, glancing over her shoulder at her, vulnerability shining brightly in her eyes. “I really, really love you.”    
  
Adora felt the grin spread across her face before she could even think of stopping it. She stepped closer to Catra and gently turned her girlfriend towards her. Cupping her face gently and kissing her soft, and slow. It only lasted a moment, but it was perfect. Adora rested her forehead against Catra’s and stared into her disorienting set of eyes. Draping her arms around Catra’s neck loosely. “I really, really love you too.”    
  
Catra smiled back at her, and wrapped her arms around Adora’s waist. Pulling them closer together. Adora felt Catra shift and bury her face in Adora’s shoulder. She did this often, and Adora loved it.   
  
“We should get outside,” Adora murmured, kissing Catra’s neck.    
  
“I guess.” Came her grumpy, muffled response.    
  
They stood like that for another minute, and then broke apart. Catra stepped back and held out her hand for Adora, slowly backing towards the entrance to the barn, her expression mischievous.   
  
“You coming?” 

  
Adora reached out and took her hand, lacing their fingers together. Adora had no idea what the future had in store for them both, but she was certain of one thing. She was in love with Catra, and Catra was in love with her. As long as they stuck together, they were going to be fine. Adora would never let go of Catra again.    
  
With one last glance back into the barn, Adora followed Catra out to join the party. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that brings us to the end of What Ifs ;u; I had a lot of fun writing this AU. I'm really eternally grateful for all the love and support this story has gotten along the way. It feels like a huge accomplishment to have started and finished something longer than a one shot and have other people enjoy and get invested in it as well. So thank you, really.


End file.
